I’m going to start here. Since the terms regulated and dis-regulated are extreme opposites, I think it helps to know them together since they help define each other.
We all get disregulated and we all return to a regulated state. It’s part of being alive. Think of a gazelle being chased but not caught by a lion. If you’ve ever seen this on a nature show, usually with drum music playing up the chase, you can almost feel the fast heart rate and panic of the running for its life animal. And then as the lion falls back and gives up, the gazelle rejoins it’s herd and goes back to grazing as if those frightening moments didn’t just happen.
We aren’t gazelles, but sometimes life can get our hearts racing and fear can block out our otherwise ordinary day. It doesn’t matter what grips us with fear or anxiety or anger, we all know it when it happens. That feeling of utter angst. That is disregulation. If you have any form of PTSD, angst can flair up suddenly with no warning. All at once you are too angry or sad or fearful to even have a clear thought.
Eventually you calm down, relax and feel fine. You might get riled back up if you tell and recall some of the details, but eventually you return to a general feeling of fine. That feeling of neutral, calm confidence is the feeling of being regulated. It’s a feeling we generally like or we aren’t overly aware of.
Dis-regulation takes many forms. Think of a toddler being inconsolable over the wrong juice cup. A frustrated boss or parent shouting down at an obvious subordinate. Even a pet owner with an out of control dog. I’ll talk more about getting disregulated in another post. Just know that being regulated is a sharp and refreshing contrast.
In a regulated state conversations are light, decisions are simpler, our bodies are relaxed. It’s easy to have a change of mind or shift plans. We feel calm and relaxed and open. Exercise, eating well staying hydrated are simple components of a balanced life, not a white knuckle battle of internal will power. Interactions with others are comfortable. if there was a secret to a happy life, it would have a lot to do with spending more time in a regulated state.
Contentment, comfortable in your body and life, it’s a feeling of all over enough-ness. Often when we judge ourselves against another it’s because we sense their regulation and wish that for ourself. And how could we not?! Some people can feign regulation, but usually it’s self evident. Comfortable feels good both inwardly and outwardly. The good news is that we all have access to it and the not so good news is that we all fall out of it. Life can almost be broken down into two states. The desired one is regulated.
Peace Kit 