When things aren’t going well, I’m tempted to get down on myself. I often go straight to negative self questioning. Here’s the thing, I’ve learned that actually, it’s not really helpful to blame, punish or beat myself up. Ever. I used to think it was a normal reaction to get mad at me, but what I’ve come to realize, is that what IS helpful and what I’m mostly craving, is gentle understanding.
When life messes with my regulated state, I have to remind myself to be a good friend to myself. I want to be a friend, who asks good questions and cares. The kind of friend who wants me to have what I need and helps me find it. That same friend will be honest and easy to be truthful with. She will gently encourage me to take responsibility. She will remind me of who I am, of my strength and capabilities. More than a nap or some chocolate, I need to give myself some gentle attention because that is far more helpful and regulating then what I’ve done in the past.
My goal now is to do whatever I need to do to re regulate. Finding my way back to fine is not always the same path. It’s different every time I fall or get lost in a dis regulated state. This is why I need my own focused attention. Sometimes I’m so far from fine, I need a triage-like approach to start off. Some days I just need a walk. If I don’t spend a moment paying attention, how will I know what to do? I used to make my dis regulated state last longer and be exponentially harder, I always eventually level out, but why not try compassion and aliviate my suffering instead? Shorten my angst? Yes please!
Peace Kit 