Friends

If I could go back in time, besides buying some good stocks, I would advise my younger self to keep making new friends. keep nurturing relationships and make bigger efforts to stay connected. In other words, reach out more.

Friendship is important. It’s different for everyone, but whether its a few close friends or a ballroom or a stadium full, we all need some other people in our lives.

I know this, I get doses of lovely friend moments that truly warm my heart. Friends have made big, HUGE differences in my life, repeatedly. Still, I sometimes isolate. I become a loner easily. Art is a one person activity, I might be an introvert. I sometimes get self conscious or down and to interact seems too hard. I tend to not reach out. It’s a lot of things. Probably related to CPTSD…

I know I can do better. I love my friends. I always come home happy whenever I’ve spent time with them.

Social anxiety is a thing. Covid did not help with that. Not only did we emerge from the lock down with it, our pets did too.

I didn’t need a pandemic for a fear of interaction to develop, Is there a phobia of not being liked? From the earliest age, my whole being seemed to brace for rejection.

A real state of regulation feels like calm comfortable confidence. That was news to me. Social interaction, or anticipation of it, I learned, can feel dis regulating for me. This little nugget of information has made all the difference, because now I know to take steps to regulate.

One day I had two big social events back to back. They both felt scary and unnerving, plus I had to show up alone, no safety in numbers for me that day. What I did was give myself the luxury of time.

I decided to approach it as though I was a celebrity getting ready for a party or event. No one wants to see a celebrity rushed or disheveled or noticeably awkward in their clothes. So I spent time choosing an outfit that I felt completely comfortable in. I got a pedicure, watched a favorite show, took a long shower, spent time on my hair and make up. Meditated, drank ice water, listened to music, pampered myself.

Basically I didn’t let myself get dis regulated by worrying. Before I knew the term, I was learning and practicing regulation, I managed to get into and stay in a regulated state for the entire day.

I was able to fully enjoy seeing old friends. I felt relaxed and lucky to know each one of them. By taking some measures to enjoy getting ready, by not allowing myself to get stressed or feel rushed, by encouraging myself toward good feelings, I managed to have a better social experience than I unusually do. I set myself up for success. I set up my day so that I felt good, so when I showed up I felt good, so while I was there and when I left, I felt calm and completely confident.

That one little experiment helped me realize how much I contribute to my own experience. Knowing how to infuse some positive vibes into any situation is like a super power I didn’t know I had. I still get a little jolt of anxiety when a social event comes up, but I know what I can do to help myself feel more excited than fearful. Hello Marvel, what’s my super hero name now?!