The Tough

When the going gets tough, the tough get going—-to figure out their options.

Life can include some challenges. Weather, people, situations, not everything can be positive and supportive. I have learned that I have the option to choose a response or not to. I also have response options.

If I get mad, I can choose to stay mad or I can choose to look for ways to feel the way I would rather feel. I used to think that my responses were automatically decided for me and I had to wait for something to change in order for my feelings to change. If the rain would just stop, if that person would just be nicer.

I used to spend a lot of time waiting, blaming and feeling powerless. Often, I was mean to my own self! I was a self blamer and it was rarely helpful.

I like knowing that I can choose to stay mad if I want because it might be appropriate. Feeling sad or mad might feel right. The power is in the choosing.

It’s important to be my own support person first. It’s okay if no one else is mad that it’s raining. It’s okay if no one agrees the meal is disappointing. It’s okay to be feeling sensitive or upset. If they had my perspective, anyone would feel like this. It’s helpful to be on my own side first.

We can always have our own back. I had to learn to this. My old response was often to wonder what’s wrong with me? Why is everyone else doing fine and I’m not? I had to learn that these are not helpful questions. I had to learn some helpful ones to use instead.

When we initially feel hurt or sad, or even angry, we can respond compassionately towards ourself. We can decide to let the circumstances mean what we want them to. We can decide that anyone would feel that way, that of course it’s hard, but we can do hard. We have before. We are strong and capable. Hard things come and go. We are tough enough to handle tough things.

We can ask better, kinder more helpful questions like what do I need right now to feel a little bit better? How would I like to be feeling? We can suggest a walk, a cup of tea, or to call a friend. We can take some slow deep breaths.

The problem doesn’t need to be solved, I learned, in order for me to feel better. This is its own relief, and actually, if I can get myself to feel calm and grounded, I’ll be much better at solving the problem. Problems are part of everyone’s life. Approaching them in a regulated cool headed mindset is so much more optimal. Having tools and knowing I have choices gives me some power in every situation, This makes me tough.