Wait, was that a Flag? Was it RED? Where?! Oh Man.

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

I have a history of missing red flags.

I’m learning to be more discerning, at least, I hope I am. I definitely don’t like it when others are disrespectful or dishonest or become uncontrollably angry, and do steer around anyone exhibiting these behaviors. I generally don’t write people off forever though. I didn’t know until recently, that this is CPTSD related.

I avoid, I am wary, I distrust. I might warm up slowly, or stay a little detached.

I love the idea of having clear boundaries. I applaud cultivating healthy boundaries always. Its interesting that I have encouraged this for others, yet struggle with my own awareness of what my own boundaries are.

I’m the one looking backwards trying to see how I missed a red flag and what or where that flag may have been.

So what traits cause me to be wary? Here’s a jab at self awareness in real time.

That trait where a person acts one way with one person and another with someone else.

I saw this happen recently and for whatever reason, this one felt hard to explain away. I generally want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t seem to let this go.

It was a simple snubbing, snobby dismissal on the heels of a friendly welcome to another. While I was standing right there. While several people were. Weird.

Are people aware that they do this? Does this treatment of people serve a purpose? I don’t know enough about the service industry, so I won’t try to speculate.

Just ugh.

Clearly a judgement was made and a behavior followed. I think I have a problem with snap judgment. With ANY patronizing judgement. It really bugs me when people judge other people and treat them poorly because of whatever they decided, without knowing any real facts or background information.

I feel this can lead to worse things.

Perspective. Context. Consideration. Compassion.

Aren’t most people doing the best they can with the life they were dealt? What is the point of treating anyone as if they are less? How could that ever improve a moment?

I believe in elevating our interactions along with elevating our thoughts, actions and habits in order to elevate our life.

I have been on the yucky end of a snap judgement enough times to know how it feels. I can tell you that it can really mess up regulation. I’ve seen it mess up other’s regulation too. I can’t see a truly regulated person, in a calm, confident state, treating another human with condescension or disdain.

Dysregulation can cause poor behavior. I’ve seen this. Usually people in a state of disregulation aren’t aware of how their actions are affecting others. I’m not excusing snobby behavior, I’m trying to understand it’s origins.

It is one personality trait that comes across as a clear red flag to me. It’s not so much personal, as it is a warning to all.

When someone thinks they are better, smarter, or somehow more important than another, I feel it’s worthwhile to pause and heed the danger of that mind space.

I never know where it could lead, it feels scary.