Slow motion spin

The book prototype came. It has interesting problems. I’m so glad ordering one was suggested to me and I did.

I see a few things that will be helpful to know as I’m formatting.

But in general it’s another less than ideal thing that I have to make the best of.

This seems to be a theme for my life right now. I’m tempted to get discouraged and indulge in some thoughts that are not going to be helpful.

You know, like a complaint rant :

rain again?! How do they get away with predicting the wrong weather five times in a single hour? If it’s going to rain just say it so I’ll take the right jacket!

or worse:

A terrible question fest: What’s wrong with me, why can’t I just be normal, why was I born so weird?

and then :

some of my typical existential crisis inquiries: Why ARE we here, what is the actual point? Uh. Not helpful. Nope not helpful at all.

What might be better as I go into this particular life spin, is to look where I want to go. Just look there. So easily said. So much harder to do.

Where do I want to go? Home. I want to go home. Which I can’t do today, but maybe I can do a few things to make myself feel more at home because wow am I homesick. More thoughts that won’t help…no dwelling on missing everyone and everything, not in this moment anyway.

Im sitting at the beach considering walking. I know that will help. But I’m not excited to brave the cold wind or rain (with the wrong coat)…more unhelpful thinking…

Im going to give the concept of ‘home’ some thought today .

But

More importantly, right now, I can feel myself out of a regulated state. Getting myself pointed back is my first priority. If I’m to show up and be effective I need to :

Walk. Listen to music or a podcast. Find some things I love like this beach and park, the fleeting sunshine. And Breathe…

Regulation is priority one.