Funny that you ask

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

Now? Now is definitely me out of place, literally. It might be one of the most out of place feelings I’ve ever felt. The reason, as anyone new anywhere or to anything can tell you, is that everyone else is familiar and at home with all that is new for me right now.

I am in a very non-me situation. In every direction.

At first I was feeling lost and even a little demoralized. I couldn’t even get yoga right! Or set the table or make the bed…Slipping into my in laws life has had me baffled. Everything’ is done a certain way and has been for decades, so it’s a little like going back in time. In some ways sweet, in some ways perplexing. Mostly, I’m getting to know everyone and understanding everything so much better than I might have in another circumstance.

Well over a month later, I’m still not getting the bed making correct. G and I do this together, (I sense that he doesn’t trust me to do it alone and so he should not). After much tugging and smoothing and tucking, this morning he looks at me and says: “I don’t get it, our bed always looked great at home” I laughed, which I do every morning as we struggle, because I can’t help finding it funny. My inability to nail this simple task, I personally think its hilarious. G is not amused. His mom has had to fix it, so we pay extra attention. This seam has to line up with this spot… we are getting better, but…

Here’s a thing about being out of place, you get used to it.

I’m not taking anything personally. Being this far into my life, I know my skill set. I’m through trying to be anything I’m not, so even while being corrected, Ive learned to keep it light. I may figure it out, but honestly, I’m just being polite. I don’t know how to care about some things. Some bed making styles are not me. I’ve never cared where the napkin goes in a place setting and if the dishes come out clean how does it matter if you sort the silverware first or last? I think I took Home Ec, which I was recently asked, but it didn’t seem to make any difference long term. For me anyway.

I googled place settings. My mother had it wrong. My mother. The epitome of home making skill.

Outside of the house I was almost involved in a conversation about acorns falling dangerously out of trees in the wind. Only I had nothing to add. My shake shingle education took a little while before I understood, but I get it now and I love knowing that these shingles are chemical free. I won’t soon forget the blanket yoga learning curve, and truthfully I learned a thing or two about spine alignment.

Being out of step was uncomfortable at first. Remember Elle Woods from Legally Blonde? She had some bumpy moments trying to blend into the East coast scene. If I recall, she didn’t ever blend. Which may have been the point of the movie. Just be yourself. People don’t have to see it from your exact point of view to appreciate you. And visa versa. I love Gs family. I love getting to know them. I love the fond memories from my own childhood that I am reminded of. I enjoy the nostalgia of the old ways.

It’s as though I’m revisiting my childhood, only as a grown up, so I can observe myself not caring, fidgeting, trying to pay attention, finding things a little too funny, and realizing how I haven’t changed.

This adventure is showing me who I am and who I was. And showing me that it’s easy to love and accept everyone, including myself. I just needed some time to get used to me and them and the familiar ways that I may never figure out. (Sorry mom)

All of it is perfect.