We had a perfect Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Perfect in the sense that our patient had two exceptionally good days in a row and was even transferred to a closer hospital. We got the impression that some slow improvements were occurring and thought we might steal some days and venture back to CA.
This was a short lived moment of optimism which has since evaporated into yet another crisis. How in the world is there something new again?
This is the nature of what we are here for. I am grateful for a few lovely days. The weather was mild. Our hospital visits were bookended with long walks in the sunshine. Our patient was sitting up, animated, and in very good spirits. We wore our fancy sweaters. We ate delicious food. We drove to see some light spectacles. We listened to music and even watched Its a Wonderful Life.
I often feel a let down after the holidays are over. I remember the feeling from my childhood. When the magical golden glow disappears and is replaced by the cold blue gray light of mornings after, my energy plummets and I even feel a little terrible from too much sugar.
I’ve kept up my yoga and walks. I’ve continued with my morning and nightly gratitude practice. I’ve meditated, I’ve breathed. I’ve done my best to eat in moderation and balance sweets. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not a total mess.
Still, post holiday is a thing and we all seem to be feeling it. I’m utterly grateful for the distraction of what makes the holidays fun. I’m thankful for the coziness. The pretty lights, the busy ness. I’m thankful for the fun of cooking some of my family’s traditional foods. I’m grateful for leftovers, which always seem to taste even better the next day. I’m grateful to have spent this Christmas in Halmark movie land. It was nice.
Restorative yoga. I bought a sweater. It was on sale and I had a gift card. The weather is foggy and rainy, so it felt like a caring gesture.
I feel the importance of self care. This is not the time to eat more indulgent food and be idle. This is a time I need to kick it up a little. Be extra kind to myself. Take time to be good to me in ways that I know will make a good difference tomorrow.
Another trip to the hospital and the word has changed back to optimistic. As darkness signals the end of another long day, I feel okay. The chill in the air, the drizzle of rain, are okay. Our patient is okay. When we left he was eating ice cream and waiting for the hockey game to start.
Peace Kit 