Ask

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Asking for help. I know it’s not rational. I know it has roots in my upbringing. I even know it’s not helpful or evolutionary. I know that it’s not something most people are afraid of. Is it a phobia, like a recognized one with a name? I haven’t googled it.

I’m not going to address any of the whys or hows about my arrival here with this as my fear. I might be more afraid to jump out of and airplane, possibly not, but it’s close.

What would it take to get me to do it? Here’s the short answer: If I’m asking for something for someone I care deeply about and there is no other choice. Still painful, still frightening, but if a bear was attacking my child, I would override my fear and go after the bear. Is this a problem? Not the part about the bear.

I will almost never ask for help. If I have to, my mind will go directly to all the ways asking would be bad, (there are plenty of examples from my childhood)I then weigh out the risk/reward ratio and figure out how I can get around needing to ask.

I have nearly asked for help a number of times. Then not. I’m creative. I’m oddly motivated by my own irrational, fear.