5 Positive Things

Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.

Not much of a story. Here are five things my husband taught me.

1) The importance and possibility of fun

I spent what felt like a lifetime trying to be a serious grownup. Saying no, ignoring my needs and wants, and feeling guilty for everything that wasn’t work. I was so busy, I told myself, I had no time for fun. I wanted my kids to have fun, but I was sure that for me, the ship had sailed. He taught me that fun wasn’t just possible, but that it was important and nessesary. Fun makes me happy, which makes me a better person.

2) How to be polite

My husband was raised with manners. You can put him in any situation with any person anywhere and he will quietly use good manners.

3) How to be respectful and conscientious

Along the same lines, he will always listen more than talk, smile, make a joke, engage others with kind light joking conversation. He will listen to everyone and is always careful and thoughtful with his responses.

4) How to listen and not talk

I had to learn how to not explain myself. To enjoy the presence of another in silence. I don’t need to fill space with words. It really can be peaceful in quiet with another human.

5) That I am the one in charge of my feelings.

I used to think that circumstances, weather, people, good things bad things were what determined my mood or state. If something good happened I would feel good. If something bad happened I would feel bad. There was nothing I could do but wait for better things to happen. I thought this for most of my life. I now know that it’s not what happens, it’s how I precieve things and then how I respond that sets me up for whatever mood I land in. This understanding gives me so much personal power and freedom. My thoughts determine so much more than anything outside of me.

It sounds like I was raised by wolves, I wasn’t. I was raised with a strictness that was hard for me to learn from. G is an example of how all these things are carried out. He doesn’t instruct or teach. He doesn’t correct or say anything about any of it. He just is.

I had to learn that everything isn’t about me. People have lives and preferences and reasons for doing things that I didn’t cause and can’t affect. Rather than trying to figure out what I did or am doing wrong or find or feel blame, I can just have fun, be polite and conscientious, listen more than talk and be in charge of my own feelings. He would have no idea that he taught me any of this.