One Thing

What notable things happened today?

I had a small epiphany.

Nothing super interesting. I may have had this same one before, but already I feel a shift.

As you know, I’ve been having a time of it. Trying hard to fit myself into a life that isn’t maybe ideal for me.

I have good reasons to keep trying, that part is clear, but lately I’ve hit a wall or two. I have not been able to figure out how to continue to navigate and believe me, I’m trying!

Complaining has helped me find some humor, get a little validation, but I wanted a better solution. I don’t like my complainy self as much, though she can be witty, I’d rather be more upbeat…

So today, I was listening to Marisa Peer say that she liked ‘fact statements’ over ‘affirmations’. She then gave a few examples, which sounded good to me, and then she gave free downloads of a few short meditations.

I listened on my headphones to one, and then another, (instead of the morning news) and instantly I felt better. I realized that like yoga poses, I needed to counter some of the environmental difficulties with positives. Up until I saw this, I was trying to endure and dissociate and smile through everything.

I was feeling like, well, everyone else seems fine with all the TV and news and criticism and OCD, I just needed to get used to it, is all.

Well. I COULD and I have, but I think a better plan for me, is to counter things with better fitting ME things.

White noise couldn’t complete with the news, I found, but this did! I still do white noise meditation , but strategy is key, so are where and when.

Even as everyone else is grumpy and sullen, I am out here in the sunshine, sanding more blue paint off my boat, enjoying a windless summery moment.

I don’t love being blue, I’m not a fan of this particular shade, (it seems to be everywhere, not just stubbornly clinging to my boat or covering my hands and clothes), I’m not a fan of a handful of things right now, but I know that working through them is my best plan. Little epiphanies are a welcome indication that it’s all going to be okay.

Eventually.

In the meantime, I’ll be countering the un-me-things with more me-things.

And sanding my boat…