Item

I’m trying to answer this question because I feel it has a nice message for me today.

I’ve spent money on expensive things before. Lots of times. However I rationalized, I made it make sense. I’m usually pretty frugal and I know it’s not things that will lead to ultimate happiness, but there comes along something, every now and then, that FEELS like happiness.

I indulge myself because, ultimately, I want to give to myself the feeling that I am worth it.

I am worth something.

I am worth more than the every day grind of frugality.

Name that expensive item that I am worth. Is that the question for me?

Did a set of pots and pans help me feel worthy? Did a pair of boots? Is it really true that I felt worth for a little while? If so, for how long? Was the experience worth it?

I must have, and it must have been, but I’m ready for a new question. Can I send myself feelings of worth in other ways? In more lasting, authentic and meaningful ways?

It’s only when I’m feeling off that my worth even comes to mind anymore. Of course I’m worth expensive footwear or kitchen equipment. I don’t need to prove this to myself.

Or do I? Proving worth is an ongoing internal dialog and decision managing system.

My choice to seek joy. To stay open and loving towards everything and everyone is because nothing is worth closing over. Nothing is so important that my state of mind should be sacrificed for. Nothing is worth letting myself be miserable over.

Not one thing. As things try, I am committed to reminding myself of my worth by standing firm and not allowing it. It’s not an item, it’s an action. And I know for certain that I am definitely worth every effort in this direction.

Cheers to openness.