For Love

For joy. For reasons that are bigger than what I know.

I paint.

Before yoga, before meditation, before I knew about breathing, before I’d ever heard anything about a parasympathetic nervous system,

I painted.

I paint to drop into a feeling of flow.

I paint to feel connected to a better feeling me.

I paint when nothing else makes sense, when life feels overwhelming or off.

For reasons I don’t know how to explain, painting calms me down and gives my brain a rest.

When I can’t figure out the world, or people, or my own little role in all of it, there is this sweet feeling head space that finds me. It’s why I create. It’s kind of how I got caught up in sharing it actually.

I learned that art isn’t everyone’s thing. Music isn’t either. Art gives my one friend anxiety. Even if it’s kind of her thing, anxiety can take the joy out of anything.

We all have our own life to navigate. I learned that I want to pay more attention to when things become unfun. Getting pulled into angst is a perfect lesson and good practice for me to try to stay focused. I spent these weeks trying to help my friend overcome her artists block and have fun putting on that show. How could it not be fun!?

Hmmm. Well…

I once was super busy in my younger life and was weirdly criticized for taking time to do art. My ‘friends’ explained that I should be caring about other things. They reasoned that my priorities were all wrong.

In that moment, I knew.

There are a lot of things about myself that I can’t explain, but this one I know.

Taking care of me, by giving myself time to create, IS right. It IS a priority.

Allowing those connected feelings to be, understanding their importance, painting for the love of painting, even feeling thankful for this crazy gift of peace that comes from simply drawing lines and brushing color.

This is for me.

For my joy. for nothing more than to feel happier in a moment.

For me, taking a peaceful me out into the world, is best.

I’m recommitting to leaving everyone else alone.

For me.