The Real Me ?

In California it’s as though I’m a different person.

Today I was starting a design job. After about ten minutes of suggestions, my client looked at me and said wow, I love all these ideas! You’re amazing! Without thinking I just said:

Thanks, I’m freakishly good at this.

I’d just spent a handful of days staging another house which came out beautifully.

I have a different kind of confidence here. Art-show on Friday, a painting to finish and sign. Cards to get ready, emails written and sent etc, I’m feeling zero stress. As I get things ready, drive to my staging job, work long hours, I’m enjoying myself.

In Connecticut, I do art on the sly. It’s possible that my skill set doesn’t transfer.

I wonder how I can be a better me there. If it’s even possible…

When I was at the end of seventh grade, my family moved back to Canada. It was for me, the worst move yet. I went from being a thriving A student, swimming every day, friends with everyone, winning art awards, happy…

To

Ridicule. Daily contempt from my peers. Utter disconnect from teachers.

They jeered my clothes, my hair, the way I walked. They jeered every award I got, especially the academic ones. How was getting good grades so terrible? How was everyone smoking? I was a year behind at twelve. The maturity gap alone was a chasm. My response was to lay low, ditch my CA clothes, stop doing homework, and throw myself into a silent world of art. I barely spoke for two years.

Fortunately summer arrived right after our move. So did a friend from CA. Things didn’t improve really until tenth grade when I got the chance to go to a school that was a better fit. It wasn’t California, but I was able to find friends, do well in school, exist in peace.

I always knew California was my home. That part of Calgary definitely was not.

Luckily for me, G and I will be continuing to divide our time on both coasts, spending more time here. G’s mom is doing well. She’ll need help with the yard, but without having to worry about and be a nurse/maid to her ailing husband, she doesn’t need us as much.

Our work is here. Our life is here.

So luckily this has all played out perfectly.

For now, I’ll go back to work, doing things I love doing, (plus happen to be freakishly good at).