Life gives us these

What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?

The risk is real. I’m looking over my print estimate and trying to make a decision. It’s both huge and inconsequential. How many copies to order…

I’m here. Miles away from my friends and family. Questioning. Most of the time I know it’s the right thing. Ten percent of the time I’m questioning sanity, everyone’s, our situation, everything…Some factors are tough, yet risk appears to be a given.

The word “haven’t” suggests that it’s still a possibility. The word “like” means it’s attached to a want. For me, in my life right now, it means it’s likely. I see that risk will be taken because why not? I have little left to lose. This is what I’m working towards. This is where I am.

Life has its nudges and it’s pulls. Sometimes there are very apparent pushes. Tomorrow is a day that will determine some things. I’m still researching print options, that risk isn’t dire, but the other, is.

What options will there be for late stage emphysema with newly found complications? What will the oncologist have to present at the appointment? How will denial continue to reign?

I sense the intensity of everything amping up. Tensions have already flared. A level of ‘OCD’ I’ve not seen before has stepped in. I find myself standing back, watching, wondering, trying to understand, being as respectful as I can be. I’ve learned this one thing, being helpful in the situation is less about taking over and doing, and more about letting go and allowing others to do what they need to do..

My actions are around staying busy. Keeping myself regulated. Standing to the side while a family comes to terms with some harsh things. The fallout of past risks taken, is upon all of us now. More so tomorrow, but today has enough to contend with. Even the simplest life is full of complications. We are all doing the best we know to do.

I can only hope our best will meet well with the worst. It’s the most anyone can hope for. Risks or no risks, there will always be some. Why not take the risks we want to take. Life is shorter then it seems.