Kind

I didn’t want to notice. I started worrying about other unrelated things so I didn’t have to. Finally days later, I can admit that I was a little afraid.

I haven’t stood in front of a class of school children in years. Over the summers, I would always develop some amount of stage fright, but after a day back, I was fine. Long years have passed, what if everything has changed too much, what if I choke?

That was the thing I wanted to avoid noticing. Fear. Ugh. Who wants to let fear get the best of them? Not me. Here’s how that resolved itself.

I made an art lesson to go with my book. A simple neurograghic inspired butterfly. I got a little excited about it. Then my pages were printed and glued. My book looked like a book. My teacher friends got excited about me coming into their classes. They loved my book. A whole bunch of enthusiastic suggestions rolled in. People to talk to, places to share it, even the idea of bringing some of original painted illustrations for the kids to see.

I became more excited than scared. I did not stop being kind to myself. I allowed my disconnect. I kept inching along even while afraid, distracted, and discouraged. I stayed kind to myself and open to whatever might come next.

It wasn’t easy. I nearly gave in. I thought about giving up. I thought maybe the non printing issues were a sign. Other things were going on. I suppose this is all part of how it goes. I’m glad now that things have shifted.