Some Energy isn’t worth Prepetuating

What are you most worried about for the future?

I used to worry incessantly about the future. As a kid , as a teen, as a college student, as a young mother, every stage of life it seemed had a new set of things to worry about.

As life went on, it always seemed that the worst things that happened, I didn’t see coming, they weren’t the things I worried about. Meanwhile I was wasting huge chunks of time making myself miserable because worry only made me MORE fearful. I did not need more fear, I needed less!

Somehow I started using my worrying time to do other things with my brain. Reading, listening to music, up lifting things, meditation.

Slowly, I think I changed this habit. Now when I start worrying, I catch myself. I interrupt my unhelpful thoughts and do something else. Sometimes I get up and move around, sometimes I turn on a show. If it’s the middle of the night (my prime worry time), I do a breathing exercise or go over things I’m grateful for, write, research, look at Pinterest etc

This has taken years of practice, but so worth it.

Didn’t Mark Twain say something about worrying about a million things, none of which ever happened? I can’t get those worry hours back.

At some of my hardest times, I would think this: I don’t have the luxury of worrying, I have to trudge through, I have to stay sharp, stay on my feet and show up. I need to keep my energy up and strong so I can soldier up. I’d tell myself, you can be sad later, but today…

When my youngest baby was in NICU, I had a lot to worry about. Every day was bad news, I had three little kids, my first husband checked out (he couldn’t show up at home, or at the hospital) I was on my own. I HAD to power through. I was so exhausted from absorbing all the difficult things, but sleep was barely an option. One time someone came to the hospital and asked me how I was holding up. I cried for the first time and realized, not well, but falling apart was not an option.

No one saw that coming. Things worked out, but I did learn a thing or two about worry, about myself.

Over the years, little by little, I learned how to fortify myself. I figured out my own set of mental hacks. Its not perfect. I’m challenged often. Some days it feels like everyone and everything is working against me, but I never regret this effort.

I catch myself before wasting time worrying into fear. It took years