Tired

I woke up tired.

I’m heading to yoga, I don’t feel like going.

Or really doing yoga at all.

What I feel like doing is going back to bed.

Its 10 oclock, so that isn’t going to happen.

But I want to.

My foot is sore. This discourages me.

I think I want to sit and do nothing.

All day.

Its only 10 oclock.

(I did put on my shoes and drove my tired self to yoga)

Then I worked, hung out with friends. The day unfolded and I forgot about feeling tired and discouraged.

I listened to this famous TED talk about body language.

One of the last things she says is

Dont fake it until you make it, fake it until you become it.

I’ve been on a long ankle healing journey. I’ve been pushing my ankle to do more than it has in a while. I want more from it. Then I pay. Then I push, and pay…

Apparently I’m in the “remodeling stage” of ligament healing. There are many small balance and strength and propioseptor muscles, facia and blood vessels that are busy becoming stronger.

Meanwhile,

I am being taught a giant lesson in patience. Patience for myself. This is a life lesson for me.

I have plenty of patience for other things, but my own limitations drive me crazy!

What I seem to be getting is a crash course in, listening to my physical body. Slowing down and paying attention to the falable human me has not held my attention over the years.

Now, I’m in constant communication with my balance, flexibility and strength. I haven’t taken one step in months that hasn’t notified me of how I’m doing.

I feel like I will never take effortless walking for granted again.

In this, I see a gift. I have never been more aware or thankful for walking in general. I’m incredibly grateful for all the healing my ankle has been busy doing. Every incremental improvement is noticeable. I can easily sit crosslegged now. Stairs get easier every day. I can wear any shoe. All the yoga poses I couldn’t do, I can with no discomfort now.

The extreme contrast of being hurt has taught me to feel a lot of gratitude for being well. For healing. Even for the slowest parts of my progression. My set backs have made me curious. They slow me down. They cause me to pay even more attention.

They get me to take care of me.

I’m weirdly in a season of extreme appreciation for something I could never have imagined feeling thankful for before it all happened.

Someone once said that you can’t know whats good or bad until a lot of time passes. Sometimes the things that seem like curses are blessings in the end.

I’m still very much in the cursed stage, but I’m pretty sure that the outcome is going to be amazing.