Not to be dramatic…

Since Spring and Winter merged this year in New England, it should be no surprise that its 46 and raining again.

Gray skies, wind off the sea, rattling windows, the whole thing.

It’s Memorial Day weekend. According to my weather ap, summer isn’t even around the corner. No summer weather is coming soon for us.

If things were slightly different, I wonder if it wouldn’t be so bad.

I don’t mind the rain. I love many rain related things, I appreciate the green and the flowers. The fresh smell…

For a few reasons rain is a weird challenge here. Strange that in a place that has such diverse weather patterns, weather is so affecting of everything and everyone.

I find myself constantly wondering what can make this better? What can help us get through the next five days? I never have this amount of attention on weather usually.

I worry about everyone. I can’t believe my own relief and gratitude for just making it to bedtime.

What the heck? Its 3:36pm. So many long hours lay ahead. Too many gray and rain filled days.

Conflicts are harder. Every part of my situation is so much harder in this weather. I wish I could hibernate until the sun comes out, then troubleshoot through the rest of what’s already difficult.

Mental health, man, I am feeling compassion for anyone who struggles. The general climate of everything, of life on planet earth, all of it, feels lousy.

And now its going to rain for two weeks.

Cold. Wind. Rain.

Straight.

No summer

In the middle of all this rain-thought, I went to yoga.

And stayed.

What happened to my brain there was the exact miracle that I needed.

I stopped thinking about the weather. I stopped thinking about the plight and struggle, the conflicts, the worry.

I stopped thinking.

For a little while I just breathed and moved.

There was the reminder that we are more than this humaness. We are much more. For a small part of the day, energy shifted and lightened. The rain kept falling, but everything felt suspended. Paused.

Until I got back in my car. Checked plans. Returned to the ‘real world’

Which had not shifted or changed. Had instead, if anything, taken a worse turn.

I am left maveling at the mind phenomenon that I experienced. No real thing changed. Nothing popped up for me to look forward to. No fun. No better circumstances…

Plus, it was fleeting. I quickly returned to the mire, but there was something good bookended by its opposite. Something amazing in the middle that has me wondering once again, about the power of my own mind.

I was tricked into looking in a different direction, for one short moment, I got relief.

I am not new to the this. I feel like I have been studying mindfulness and mind science for years. For some reason, today, I got a different perspective.

I hope I won’t forget this. The sweetness of relief, the depth of discomfort. The shifts of energy back and forth and back.

I saw how real the ‘real world’ can feel and be. How thoroughly convincing and absolute, life can appear. I saw how nothing came along nothing changed, only my focus. I saw how impossible it seemed and was! But then wasn’t. I guess I needed a strong dose of what isn’t helpful to sandwich the extreme contast of what is, so I could really experience the difference.

Epilogue: The rain finally stopped. Its 7pm on Monday night. I am enjoying a rare moment in the sunshine sitting peacefully beside my partially planted garden. Temperatures climbed to 64 which feels as miraculous as anything. Moods shifted. The weather ap changed its forecast. A measure of disgruntledness lingers, but feels less all encompassing. I can sidestep. Ony a few more hours until bedtime.