There was an art and literary movement in the early 1800 that called itself Romaticism. I like it’s definition. Born out of a rejection to industrialism it went on to influence art and literature all the way until now.

Imagination, emotion and connection to nature were the key emphasis. I love these.

I kind of romaticize everything, I can’t help it. I like conversational details because my brain is always making up backstory. Everyone’s life is like a motion picture playing out at the same time. Like double plots in novels. I add extra color, dramatic music, trees, flowers, wind, stars, sparkling water, sunshine, rain…

In other words, romance doesn’t only have to do with candles and flowers and love poems to me. It’s life, it’s drama, it’s beauty, it’s fun! Well that’s how I see it anyway.

I always wonder if I’m expressing gratitude properly.

As a child, I suspect I had some weird mixed messages around giving and receiving and the correct manners required (which were never clear). What WAS clear, was that we didn’t deserve what we were given. Also guilt. Lots of guilt!

I never thought about this actually as a grown up, weirdly.

I love gratitude. I have seen it transform my life several times over. I’ve kept gratitude journals for years, but the question of how do I ‘express’ it makes me uncomfortable.

Like, I will surely get it wrong.

I say thank you, of course. I’ve written thank you notes but nearly always break into a sweat over my ill expressed literary thankfulness.

I’m in a place in my life now that is all about letting go of whatever obstacles that are in my way, so, maybe it’s good that I’m considering this today

I like being grateful. I AM appreciative. I thoroughly enjoy little things. When I think of it this way, I feel like a truly thankful person. Take the manners and protocol out of the equation and it’s fun.

One time I was in Rome trying out gelato for the first time in Italy. I was so overwhelmed and excited about the whole colorful experience that I almost cried. The Italian guy waiting on me saw my emotion and was extra kind to me. He even included an extra flavor to try. Somehow, I think enthusiasm is contagious.

Later we found ourselves in a little shop in Paris. They had the most beautiful fruits and vegetables I’ve ever seen. Again I was overcome. I bought an odd array of things, but I was most excited about these tiny plums that were both delicious and so pretty.

Maybe I best express my gratitude with enthusiasm and sheer love of a thing, or an experience, or a person…

I also appreciate a good appreciater. My son once had a girlfriend who was great at recieving compliments. She would say “oh thank you, you are so sweet”, or “wow you are so kind!” My little grand daughter says in her cute little baby voice “oh sank you!” Once after I said “that was a nice walk” she sincerely thanked me taking full credit for our nice walk

I used to worry incessantly about the future. As a kid , as a teen, as a college student, as a young mother, every stage of life it seemed had a new set of things to worry about.

As life went on, it always seemed that the worst things that happened, I didn’t see coming, they weren’t the things I worried about. Meanwhile I was wasting huge chunks of time making myself miserable because worry only made me MORE fearful. I did not need more fear, I needed less!

Somehow I started using my worrying time to do other things with my brain. Reading, listening to music, up lifting things, meditation.

Slowly, I think I changed this habit. Now when I start worrying, I catch myself. I interrupt my unhelpful thoughts and do something else. Sometimes I get up and move around, sometimes I turn on a show. If it’s the middle of the night (my prime worry time), I do a breathing exercise or go over things I’m grateful for, write, research, look at Pinterest etc

This has taken years of practice, but so worth it.

Didn’t Mark Twain say something about worrying about a million things, none of which ever happened? I can’t get those worry hours back.

At some of my hardest times, I would think this: I don’t have the luxury of worrying, I have to trudge through, I have to stay sharp, stay on my feet and show up. I need to keep my energy up and strong so I can soldier up. I’d tell myself, you can be sad later, but today…

When my youngest baby was in NICU, I had a lot to worry about. Every day was bad news, I had three little kids, my first husband checked out (he couldn’t show up at home, or at the hospital) I was on my own. I HAD to power through. I was so exhausted from absorbing all the difficult things, but sleep was barely an option. One time someone came to the hospital and asked me how I was holding up. I cried for the first time and realized, not well, but falling apart was not an option.

No one saw that coming. Things worked out, but I did learn a thing or two about worry, about myself.

Over the years, little by little, I learned how to fortify myself. I figured out my own set of mental hacks. Its not perfect. I’m challenged often. Some days it feels like everyone and everything is working against me, but I never regret this effort.

I catch myself before wasting time worrying into fear. It took years

Teachers.

Great teachers I’ve been fortunate enough to know, have changed my life.

In one school, we had a teacher who read to us from non picture books. She would invite anyone who wanted to, to put their head down to listen. Some kids would even fall asleep. Not wanting to miss a moment, I didn’t want them to chance that. I loved this part of the day almost as much as recess.

I later had teachers who connected with me, and helped me reach potential, no one thought I had. Their gift changed the whole trajectory of my life.

After I grew up, I met teachers of my kids who I later worked along side and saw their brilliance every day.

I once watched a gifted swim teacher help kids over their fear of water. I saw her do it over and over, but one little girl who went from one extreme to another, was unforgettable.

Miss Linda had a way of being firm and reassuring and held such a strong you can do it belief for every child she taught, that all walked away from her pool successfully jumping in and swimming. In two short weeks, I would witness miracle after miracle.

This little seven year old had moved to California having never learned to swim, old for the land of sun and beach. Most kids learned before they were old enough to remember learning. Her terror of even putting her face near the water was strong. Miss Linda patiently coaxed her and four other younger but still old for CA newbies. The day this girl put her face in the water, and all the things she learned together, we all clapped and cried. At that moment we all saw something extraordinary. She swam, but even bigger than that, she beamed, she was suddenly in love with her new skill. She swam and swam.

Great teachers teach more than skills. They teach possibilities, they teach us some things about ourselves that we may never know we could be or do. They show us who we can be, help us find what we love. Inspiring, connecting, sharing, believing plus some measure of magical love makes a teacher, great.

Habits. Hmmm.

Well, I wake up early. I can’t help it. I wake up with the sun, earlier than the sun in the winter.

Always way too early, I have plenty of time to think, be grateful, research my latest project, shower. Even go outside to check on the garden or my boat. Which I love, getting up and outside in the early morning is the best! Most days, I’ll go work on something in my studio space for a bit.

I drink a lot of water. take some vitamins…

Does anyone care about the average persons habits, I wonder.

I usually do a little stretching, yoga, a little exercise like squats, kettle bell, Russian twists. I brush my teeth.

(I’m already quite bored by my own habits…)

Fix my coffee, sit for a few (listening to something uplifting on headphones to drown out the news)

Leave for yoga or a walk or both

The day falls together after that…

In the evenings, there’s supper, hopefully a walk, water the garden, weed, sit and enjoy the warm night outside for as long as possible. When we go in, its a stretch of sitting and watching sports on TV. This is a new habit that I have never had as an adult. Growing up, I sat and watched tv with the family. I generally don’t spend much time sitting or I didn’t, maybe movie night(?), but now it’s what we all do. So sitting with family watching tv, like in the 70s. It’s not so bad. Supper time and tv time, I’m learning,- are important.

Bedtime, I wash my face put on a bunch of lotion and cream, brush my teeth, sometimes shower. And…Thats probably it.

One of my favorite movies was a little documentary called ‘The Biggest Little Farm’ It’s about a couple who decided to bring a few acres of land back to life and create a harmonious ecosystem in the form of a sustainable farm. It spaned seven years of beautifully filmed footage, as little by little everything came into balance. Wild life came back, bees, worms, insects and birds, even owls, to keep the small rodent populations in check. The soil made a dramatic transformation which carried a most hopeful message. No matter how far we go to thwart nature, it can recover, it wants to recover. If we work with it, follow its rules, balance, diversity and harmony can come back and thrive.

The films depiction of the gradual progress, with plenty of set backs and discouraging moments, made you see that things take time, that some things aren’t as they seem, and sometimes good surprises come on the heels of bad ones.

I’ve always felt strongly that nature knows better than man. All through history there are man vs nature moments where we think we’ve out smarted her.

But we never have.

Remember Chernobyl? Last we heard there was a nuclear disaster there and everything was leveled. Today, it’s a thriving patch of wild life because all the people left and wanted nothing more to do with it. Time and nature. Give nature enough time…

I do my best to support sustainable farms. I feel the most hopeful when I see this becoming a mainstream practice. I happily search for and pay for better quality food because I like to believe that the more mainstream and typical it becomes, the more widespread and assessable for everyone it will be. As we allow the planet to be more healthy, we might all have the chance to be also. That is my hope. Health. Mind, body, and soul health. Time and patience with healthy practices might lead to balance and harmonious living. You never know, but it’s worth a try.

I love so many foods. Awarding just one the title of most delicious is impossible. So sorry.

I’ve had some amazing Indian curries. Enjoyed exceptional pastries in France, maybe the best roasted chicken there as well. Butter and cheese in Ireland. I’ve eaten fantastic pizza in a handful of places, enjoyed a memorable meal in San Francisco of inspired Italian. Mussels that ruin it for other mussel dishes right here in Mystic, salads that burst with freshness and flavor. Sushi right out of the ocean, street tacos, fajitas, red beans and rice. Peaches or cherries at their perfect seasonal peak. Even plums straight from the tree. Don’t get me started on desserts! or cookies, or coffee or or or…

I can’t help my love of well prepared food. Well served food. Love infused food. Food that is both simple, yet perfect. Fresh or cooked, I would not call myself a ‘foodie’ because this extends into practically every aspect of my life. I just love (so much) deliciousness and beauty.

Forced? Yikes! Does anyone else need more information? How? Why?

I get a lot of wear from my yoga pants. Sure, ok, force me to wear Lulus

Or my latest constant, cut off shorts. Denim or white. White feels a little more dressy(?)

Or, since it’s been so hot into the evenings and nights lately, my new favorite pajamas are men’s cotton boxers. Very comfortably cool. You know the plaid ones, I bought a three pair pack for only $7.99. I might be fine being forced to wear those (to sleep in anyway).

But what if I want to go out? None of these would work. Change of weather? Again, it’s been brilliantly summer-time hot, but that won’t last…

As much as I’m fine with wearing these things, I really hope I am never forced to wear any one thing over and over, it sounds sad. Judging by what I chose, I guess you can tell, I’m not the uniform type.

Such a loaded question…

I think everyone has a different version of things spiritual.

Some love their religion, whereas some have no use for religion at all. Some are very solid in practical life with no need for spiritual discussion or thought, while others thrive when they feel connected to something beyond their humaness.

Faith, belief, hmmm

Where am I? It might depend on the day. I’ve had moments…

I’m a little intuitive, probably from being artistic. You could say ‘sensitive’ which has been both blessing, but just as often, a bit of a curse. I’m affected by energy. Is that spiritual? I get physically uncomfortable, even ill, when energy is conflicted or extra low for extended periods.

As a kid I had no context for why this was, and was constantly, in some sort of trouble for my ultra sensitivity, which was no fun and often confusing. Religion only added to my confusion.

It’s funny how I’m living some of the same kinds of things I felt as a kid, with no religion at all. I’m older now, and know myself better, so I’m not trying to change or be different or live up to any standards. At this point, I can stand back and watch at a safe distance as life moves to a different beat than mine.

I feel like it’s all an education. Spiritual matters are so personal. How anyone does life is a personal thing. How do I? Well. I strive every day to be the best me that I can be. I do what I can to maintain my most comfortable frequency. I love serrindipity and nature. I love balance. I love harmony. I love energy. I love being part of the vast orchestra that is this awe inspiring universe. I don’t know enough to understand how most of it all works, but I love how it does.