Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.

Hmmm

Let’s see…

I feel like I’ve been a real student of this.

But lately, I might be failing

Seriously.

joy. joy? j o y ? Uh

We decided to drive to Rhode Island today. Never mind joy, we just need a break. The weather is predicted to be sunny and warm. There are beaches with real waves…

I brought a jacket and a sweat shirt which was a good idea (I’m learning), because it’s neither warm nor sunny, but the waves are surfable and the sand is warm. It’s lovely…

Sometimes the things that are hard, are hard to describe. Sometimes describing doesn’t matter at all. I do like to be understood, but I’m learning that being understood isn’t as important as other things.

I just listened to a podcast about the basketball player, Bill Walton, who recently passed away.

The guy telling the story was a sports writer and true fan. He gave examples of statistics, of games played and other facts about Bill’s career. He said that here was a very talented player whose bad luck and injuries prevented him from really being the player he should have been.

He had recently interviewed Bill and wondered about his thoughts on the subject of success as a basketball player.

Bill who really was a dynamic force in the NBA on and off the court, said something to the effect that it all comes down to choice. He said that how you approach anything, is choice. If a player wants to be all about himself and win games like that, its just another choice to be accepted. Not judged. It’s just a way to play the game.

It was an interesting conversation that took you right out of the game of basketball. Bill didn’t think of his life as full of bad luck, even if this young writer did. He didn’t care about that either. He stood by his choices and lived his life on his terms. Injustice, injuries and number of games played or not played. He stood up for causes that weren’t popular, he seemed to understand life and its meaning way beyond what happened on the court.

Bill Walton was a talented player, yes, but even more so, he was a pretty amazing and insightful human.

I love being inspired by greatness, however it is demonstrated.

That gives me joy. Adjusting my perspective seems to also.

Who do you spend the most time with?

It’s Friday and it has been a full week.

Directly after I decided to unplug (as suggested in an earlier prompt), G’s step father’s health took a turn and he needed to be taken by ambulance to the ER. This caused various complications with his mother’s condition (canceling and rescheduling important doctors appointments, more pain from walking etc. He was disorientated and called several times in the night, not knowing or remembering he’d called, none of us slept. Her pain is worse and seems to be migrating to her back.

So just a lot of juggling and troubleshooting, doctor and hospital visits and trying to peice together what’s going on physically and mentally with both of them.

Meanwhile I struggle to do chores in a way that is up to her standards and navigate the fluid instructions that filter through three of us with the constant drone of TV news playing in the background. Old ears that don’t hear as well, (All of us) So many ‘who’s on first’ conversations…

My last blunder was buying bread and cherries at the wrong store and then failing to buy bananas because I couldn’t read her abrieviation. (who abbreviates bananas?) Seemingly small infractions, yet causing enough grief to be repeatedly brought up.

Certainly nothing fun.

Meanwhile, I’m doing my best to stay upbeat and keep a sense of humor. Some things need a few days to go by so we can find the humor, but it’s always there. eventually…

These are the people I’m spending the most time with. Life is well, bananas. What can I say?

Describe your dream chocolate bar.

Dark chocolate sea salt

List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

Hi

I did unplug for a bit. It was nice. It’s a good exercise for me to unplug because writing a blog and media are saving me on one hand, but like anything addictive, balance is important for me to keep in mind.

Speaking of saving me.

I’ve read sooo many books in my lifetime. Usually I get bowled over and completely engrossed in books. “Impacted” is a good way to describe it.

As a kid, when I didn’t feel understood, especially when I was new to a school and looking for friends, I found them in books. Characters who inspired me, characters who I felt like I could relate to, characters who were humble heros in their relatable life dramas. Even if I couldn’t relate, I would think I could. I was lucky enough to read really great authors, who at the time I did not know were. I didn’t know about classic literature. I just binge read. The gift of a brain that hears in pictures, my imagination was always pushed pasted the limits of my regular life. I like that.

Three actual books out of a million? Here are the ones that come to mind this morning.

From childhood: Peter Rabbit, Babar, Make Way for Ducklings, Stuart Little, Charlotte’s Web, Little Princess, Secrat Garden, Ribsy, Are You there God it’s Me Margret, Tails of a Forth Grade Nothing. Anne Frank. Helen Keller (there’s no way I can stop at three)

As an adult, long after I used Ciff notes to write all my essays, (because my conclusions were never what my teachers were looking for), Anna Karenena, A Tress Grows in Brooklyn, To Kill a Mockingbird, Jane Eyre… I could go on

But I won’t

Most books impact me. They always have and they probably always will.

How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

I love this for today.

Something happened to my blog page( I think maybe an update?).

Hmmm. I can’t find the people I follow. I can’t comment, I can sometimes ‘like’, but not always.

My daily stat numbers are suddenly way down. So what does this mean?

Nothing much really, but

I think maybe word press or jetpack is hinting to me. Probably a good time to take a break. At least for a few days or so. Unplug and read a book.

What quality do you value most in a friend?

Caring. That feeling of being cared about. You know it when you feel it.

My best friend and I did not have a lot in common. We didn’t see things the same in most cases. Our opinions differed, we grew up in very different places, we liked different things, but there was a level genuine caring that we had for each other that I miss.

I miss her every day. When she passed, I thought I would never have a real friend again.

I was wrong.

I love that I have friends who care about me. I feel so lucky that I have people who wonder what I’m up to, who pause in their busy lives to check in to see how I am. I didn’t grow up with a nurturing style mother so the feeling of being cared about is a nice surprise every time

I woke up today feeling a little homesick for my friends and family and then read the prompt; funny that this was the question.

I found myself wondering about what I was missing and I guess its a lot of things, but they might all go into this one thing. It’s heart warming when you have people who are interested enough to have a conversation with you. Life is busy, I get it, people have a lot on their minds. I just know from having and now not having easy access to friendship, it’s a golden thing.

Friends are a lucky sort of people to have in your life

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I think in hindsight I ‘had it all’ at different times all through my life.

When I was a young mom, I had all the love that I could handle. By the end of some days I would be hugged out. You are never more popular then when you have toddlers and babies. Attention? I had it all! Love? My babies were like marsupials, I was adored twenty-four/seven. I had more cute profound conversation then most people ever.

Another time in my life, I had a dream studio and an active art career. I loved my home! It was a bright and beautiful space for living and creating. I still love my art from that period.

Another time, I had a teaching residency that I loved! I made up my own curriculum, and throughly enjoyed teaching art to kids.

Another time I had an intense traveling season. Went to Africa, Dubai, France, Italy, Ireland, Boston NYC etc. all in a few years.

Another time I fell head over heels in love

Another time I became a grandparent. I have had the best moments with these six amazingly grand humans.

I did cool road trips.

Once I had a solo art show in Chelsea NY.

Once I remodeled an old house, published a book, wrote another book, went on a book tour…

One time I lived in Manhattan around the corner from the theater district close to Time Square.

All these lifetimes were so full of ‘it all’ that I was truly fulfilled. I hope I appreciated my moments of having it all as they were happening, but I know there were tough days and moments just like all of life.

Some days feel off even in the middle of having it all. Some days feel amazing when things are amiss. If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that having everything you want doesn’t equal happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from a store. Happiness isn’t something to wait for. I don’t have to wait for perfect moments of accomplishment or achievement to feel happy. Feeling happy is a state. It can be fleeting. It can sneak up and surprise me. It can disappear in the middle of the most fullfilling times.

Luckily, happiness isn’t attached to anything and can be conjured up in a moment, in one thought. One happy idea or memory can bring a smile to my face. Luckily, because I used to put everything on hold until ‘it all’ showed up or I achieved all my goals. I may have not counted too many fun moments because my mind was too busy looking at what was lacking wanting more of it all.

So yes I believe in having it all. I believe it’s attainable in chunks and spurts. I now believe in looking for parts of it every day rather than waiting for it to happen at once.