How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
I used to think that things were one way, then life came along and showed me some other possibilities. Like some kind of comic magic, I never thought like that again.
This has been my repeated experience. I think I grew up in a one dimensional, black and white home of sorts. This was perfect in its own way. I was paradoxically born with a mind that craved color and dimension.
Don’t get me wrong, I dearly love a comfort zone. I just don’t seem to be able to live very long in one. Change is more my constant. I do hope that will slow itself down at some point, but right now, I have to keep up. I want to! Perspectives keep changing wide and I want to change with them. I want to continue to stay open-minded and open- hearted. I want to keep practicing the process of regulation. I think it’s my most important lesson lately.
Sure, I’m learning about writing and marketing, but these are lessser, more superficial lessons that put me in an arena to learn and relearn about how to regulate, how to change my energy, how to intend, yet stay open. I’m not craving color over black and white, I love them both. I’m craving balance. I’m craving harmony. I want it all in the best proportions.
Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
I have been thinking about, (without lifting one finger) working on doing TikTok, maybe instagram? I don’t know. Maybe making a video of some sort?
I haven’t much of an idea where to start, but I’m aware that it is an important step. Have I mentioned that I’m camera phobic? Well I used to be. I still don’t love being photographed.
Videography is something I like to leave to people who know what they are doing, which is so not me. I seriously don’t get the viral thing. What makes people want to watch again and again? I mean cute pets maybe, but yeah, I have a lot to learn.
I have hopefully sent the final, completely edited version of Beatrix to my printer to see it mocked up for hopefully the last time.
I have a coffee date with a writer aquaintence who will hopefully give me the recommendation I need to be considered by her agent.
If you know this field, you know most to all agencies and publishing houses do not accept new, unsolicited manuscripts. It’s near impossible to get a toe in the door of traditional publishing. (Unless you happen to be a celebrity). It’s not their fault, selling books is hard. Publishing is expensive. They are looking for a sure thing, in a business where it’s hard to recognize a sure thing. If you recall J.K.Rowling was rejected repeatedly and she was the surest of things, Her books to this day, sell like hotcakes. The majority of time, books don’t become sensations, they get overlooked, become lost, forgotten. My coffee date is hopeful, but a long shot.
A big hope for this year, besides creating a new book, is to get Butterfly Breathing out to the world. I have some ideas for how I might do this, but first, I need this final edit to truly be a final edit. I need to figure out publishing whether traditional or kindle KDP or some version of self.
I think I might need an online presence. I probably need to learn how to do TikTok videos and instagram reels (yikes). I need to talk to more school counselors, teachers, principals etc. I could use some funding maybe to make a school program. What I really need first, is a plan…
In between everything, I’m inching forward. Formulating. Making it up as I go along.
I like to cook, I used to love it. Of all the household tasks, my favorite was and maybe still is, cooking. I would way rather knock my self out cooking than doing laundry or cleaning for example. I didn’t have a choice back then, it was my whole life to knock myself out doing all of it, I just liked cooking best.
Now I can stand back and reflect. Cooking is often time consuming and work! If a person loves measuring and processes and stirring and timing, cooking might be a fun hobby. It’s definitely more creative than vacuuming. I might enjoy kitchen work now and then, but I probably prefer a meal that is straight forward like lamb chops or a burger or a peice of fish with a salad or a vegetable. Prepared with someone, not as much for someone.
I haven’t cooked alone in years, since before the pandemic. I guess I’ve learned that I like collaborative meal preparation. I like cooking simple things, spiced up and delicious, but attention-span friendly. Even a soup or stew is better if I put it together with ease and leave it to simmer without any elaborate extra work.
Write about your first computer.
It was a terrible beige color. It was huge. It was an eye sore. They were doing talk shows about why computers were dangerous and threatening to family values and I had a young family. There were games I had no interest in. I wasnt a fan for decorating and aesthetic reasons. Plus I couldn’t get it to do anything useful. You needed computer science classes…
Fast forward to now. I LOVE all my computers! How would I ever live without them?!
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
Asking for help. I know it’s not rational. I know it has roots in my upbringing. I even know it’s not helpful or evolutionary. I know that it’s not something most people are afraid of. Is it a phobia, like a recognized one with a name? I haven’t googled it.
I’m not going to address any of the whys or hows about my arrival here with this as my fear. I might be more afraid to jump out of and airplane, possibly not, but it’s close.
What would it take to get me to do it? Here’s the short answer: If I’m asking for something for someone I care deeply about and there is no other choice. Still painful, still frightening, but if a bear was attacking my child, I would override my fear and go after the bear. Is this a problem? Not the part about the bear.
I will almost never ask for help. If I have to, my mind will go directly to all the ways asking would be bad, (there are plenty of examples from my childhood)I then weigh out the risk/reward ratio and figure out how I can get around needing to ask.
I have nearly asked for help a number of times. Then not. I’m creative. I’m oddly motivated by my own irrational, fear.
I don’t want to, so I’m not going to. Complaining is a habit I’m trying to break. It has never served me
Once time my son and I both had had a bad day. Somehow we ended up with a cheese board and couple of glasses of wine and for some reason we started drinking to every bad thing that happened, every difficult person, every thing that went wrong. It turned into a very humerus rant of sorts. I just remembered that… It was so much better than complaining, we laughed our way out of our moods.
Next time I feel like complaining, I’m going to try to remember to drink to whatever’s bugging me. Here’s to grumpy cashiers and crappy weather! Cheers!
Every single thing I have ever wanted to do and more. I would live large. I would give generously to everyone I know and love. I would fund art and programs for children and families. I would help out wherever I can to give people a hand up, tools, hope, mental strength, and courage.
The world is changing fast. If I won the lottery, I would start a program in schools to teach children how to regulate and calm their minds so that they can show up confidently in every situation. To bouy and strengthen families for the most mental health and clarity possible so that this generation has the best advantage to meet and overcome challenge.
When I was younger, I wanted to change the world. You know, world peace and all that. Now, I see that the world IS always changing and really the best I can do is to meet it where it is with love, kindness and calm mindedness. I may not be able to change the whole wide world, but I can make a difference in my day to day interactions with others. I can smile. I can be helpful. I can be kind. I can have a generous spirit and show up joyfully.
Which is what I would absolutely do a whole lot more of, when I won the lottery…
I’m reading a great book, or at least trying to. I really really want to read this one.
I’m a reader. I love books. I’ll read practically anything. From textbooks to novels to memoirs to packaging to transcripts to google, you name it, I’ll read what’s in front of me. I love being a part of this Information Age. Ah the era of technology and Wikipedia. When I was a little kid I would read encyclopedias and dictionarys. I didn’t remember everything, but I loved taking in knowledge. I still do. At this age I know enough to know not to believe everything I read or hear, since it can get all so conflicting at times, but yeah, just another geeky thing.
This cell book, oh my, it’s so fascinating! Our cells THINK. They decide. They are intelligent. They are capable. They perform so many functions. Here we are going along, without a thought about what our cells are up to and here they are, every day working in perfect harmony with each other all for us! It’s a whole microcosm of trouble shooting and restoration and growth. Our cells are keeping us alive even if they get the opposite of help from us. They don’t care. They have simple/complicated jobs and they do their best, thwarted or not, to do them.
Yes, I have been marveling at my cells! I’m barely a few chapters in and I’m amazed at how far scientists have come in their knowledge and abilities regarding just the tiny cell. The microscope had to be invented, mitochondrial had to be discovered, invetro, was once not possible. Now we are learning more and more about cells and I am loving learning about all these things and more. I love that my cells are independently intelligent! Something cool that I am lucky to be grateful for.
Oh fun? I always want that! I kinda try to make most things fun. It might be one of my priorities.
When my kids were little and life was extra challemging, I usually came up with a way to move through things without an emphasis on drudgery. I’ve never been a fan of struggle. Even when we were technically struggling, I wanted to keep it light, emphasize the good, stay upbeat for my kids. Now I do it for me.
Celebrating everything, finding humor, laughing. Making it through the week for example was cause for popcorn and a movie night. We played games, had special foods, listened to music, wished on everything,, danced, ran, anything I could think of.
I do most things like shopping, cleaning, cooking, exercising, you name it, with the intent to make it a little fun. Everything is different. Fun takes some thought and maybe extra time and creativity. It’s not everyone’s thing, but I care about it, so I give it my attention. I have always looked for it.
I hope you don’t get the wrong idea. I might not be being clear. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon or really any notable advantages, more like the opposite, but I was born with this odd sunny side. Without any positive-thinking roll models whatsoever, I somehow came out with a strong wanting for positivity. When it came up, I relished it. When it disappeared, I knew it would come back.
Fun never lets me down. Play always restores me. Too much seriousness and worry can weigh on me. It can drag me to low places I’d rather not dwell. I appreciate people who can withstand or even thrive on stress and concern. I love a no-nonsense personality, I’ve just known myself long enough to know I’m not one. I might actually thrive on nonsence, (something I may not have been able to admit when I was younger). Oh I’ve been serious. I’ve worked very hard at it. I’ve had plenty to be serious about, I just feel better with some fun thrown it.
One time my son got hit in the head by it a rock. (a kid threw it at him, they were little, they were boys). Blood actually sprayed out of his gash and it was obvious he needed stitches. Towel held to his head, but not wanting to panic my own kids or the others, we all piled in the car and dashed to the ER as if it was a cool unexpected field trip. My kids still tell the story as if it was a fun childhood memory. The young nurse had to leave the room when the towel came off and blood squirted across the room. The doctor tried to scarce me with worse case scenarios, but I refused to give my happy bleeding three year old anything to panic about. If it was going to be terrible I would deal without kids watching. Meanwhile they were hungry. MacDonald’s was a rare treat for them so Mac Donald’s was a big part of their fun memory. Stiches, French fries, head X-rays and fun…
Peace Kit 