Today I started with meditation at 6:00am. I then dressed myself and a toddler, brushed my teeth, then toddler teeth, my hair, toddler hair. Clips for Hazel too. Coffee, toddler tea (warm water honey and cream) and breakfast.

Set up to paint and film. Painted, filmed (badly). Ever try painting with a twenty six month old? It’s hard enough to film my own hand painting. This activity took all of seven and a half minutes start to finish because she was all done and it was clean up time.

Next we worked on the KDP page which I’ve filled out fifty times already, but never with a toddler on my lap who is desperate to ‘help’

Then she wanted me to peel an orange. She ate about a third of it. Then she wanted a pear, ate three bites. Then we played with her doll house for another seven minutes. Then we sent emojis to Grandpa G. Then she wanted an apple, which there were none. She spent a full minute looking in the cupboard before announcing that no there weren’t any apples.

Tried to work a little more on the page. Somehow it was exasperating and she ran to the carpet and laid face down. We tried a little breathing. She popped her head up and was ‘all better’ so we decided to go to the park. We had to spend some time picking out shoes and putting them on first. This is a pic from yesterday. Shoes take longer than seven minutes. Every day.

The park was fun. Hazel got a good run. we all had a good run, back and forth at the corn hole court. Hazel was so well behaved she needed a treat. We crossed the street carefully and walked home.

Doll house play, Snack time, followed by sandbox time, ball playing with Hazel, and tree hugging ( I didn’expect that). More dollhouse and finally lunch. How many different things can we squeeze into a morning? By 12:30, I wanted a nap!

Nap time came and went. Then momma cooked dinner while Daddy and I ran in circles, played house and listened to Frozen songs. Some drawers were emptied, a snack was made and nibbled at. We worked on the cover and getting everything uploaded. (I was skeptical about making a print on demand copy of my first book after trying and then struggling to get the digital copies to upload, but my son wanted to see if we could do it) with his tech skill.

I changed a few things and reformatted it yesterday.

Right before we sat down for supper, we approved everything and hopefully a book called A Peaceful Heart will show up in Amazon.

Supper was delicious. No we could NOT play baby bird. Momma was a firm no. Bedtime at last. The grownups were all exhausted.

So yeah, a full day.

Toddlers move fast. Not only physically but emotionally too. My whole world is revolving around one adorable two year old who excells at outlasting all of us grown up people.

When we are too exhausted to do much of anything, she’s not. At the end of a busy active day, she has run-in-circles-energy, bursts of song lyrics and belly laughter to spare.

She also accerts her opinions, her preferences, her every want or desire, along side her protests and disapproval. She changes her mind, before and after she’s made it up. She will insist upon and then resist the same toy or snack, back and forth with dizzying speed. One moment we are laughing and in the next, frustration will overcome her/us. All

She is the tiny embodiment of more. More bubbles, more chocolate, more songs, more running while simultaneously squaring off with a firm no. NO! The sheer power of that word is not lost on this two year old. She’s been the easiest going of the lot, but wields just as firm a no as any boundary enforcing border patrol.

I love watching us all wear down as the day progresses. We all look at each other as we continplate bath time. Just wrestling our compliant little person into pjs seems daunting, but a bath too? We are talking about a very agreeable, helpful girl here. Her favorite part of every activity is clean up time, singing away, she is confidently effeciant.

We’ve just spent hours trying to decode what she has wanted, then not wanted, then needed. We have played and pretended and figured out that when she’s yelling ‘Momma’ it’s dinasuar momma she means and baby dinosaurs she’s play-acting out the drama of, not her mamma and not her own drama, though these do come up frequently enough to confuse us and keep us on our toes. We have tried to prevent climbing or at the very least spot her as she traverses dangerously. Ran with her in circles and danced again and again to Frozen songs. Today we attempted painting, on top of the many messy snacks and meals we find ourselves wiping up after. It’s been another full fun beautifully tiring day.

I love the speed of natural regulation she models. Her quick bounces through extreme emotions. I’ve spent most of a lifetime trying to master something, this little one seems to do with finesse. I’ve watched her fall, decide if she’s hurt, jump up and keep running. I’ve also watched her get hurt and insist on a tearful kiss on the toe, knee, elbow, a long hug and a carry, then get right back down for more running.

Maybe deep down we have a natural inclination to self regulate. Maybe we just need to awaken an ability we were born with, or uncover what experience has covered up. I don’t know. I do know I’m paying attention.

I have hopefully sent the final, completely edited version of Beatrix to my printer to see it mocked up for hopefully the last time.

I have a coffee date with a writer aquaintence who will hopefully give me the recommendation I need to be considered by her agent.

If you know this field, you know most to all agencies and publishing houses do not accept new, unsolicited manuscripts. It’s near impossible to get a toe in the door of traditional publishing. (Unless you happen to be a celebrity). It’s not their fault, selling books is hard. Publishing is expensive. They are looking for a sure thing, in a business where it’s hard to recognize a sure thing. If you recall J.K.Rowling was rejected repeatedly and she was the surest of things, Her books to this day, sell like hotcakes. The majority of time, books don’t become sensations, they get overlooked, become lost, forgotten. My coffee date is hopeful, but a long shot.

A big hope for this year, besides creating a new book, is to get Butterfly Breathing out to the world. I have some ideas for how I might do this, but first, I need this final edit to truly be a final edit. I need to figure out publishing whether traditional or kindle KDP or some version of self.

I think I might need an online presence. I probably need to learn how to do TikTok videos and instagram reels (yikes). I need to talk to more school counselors, teachers, principals etc. I could use some funding maybe to make a school program. What I really need first, is a plan…

In between everything, I’m inching forward. Formulating. Making it up as I go along.