One thing?!

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

Oh hmmm, I can’t choose. I’m maybe like one of those houses that just needs to be torn down and rebuilt from the ground up. One thing? It won’t make much of a difference, so I’m going to stick with accepting myself as is, not being a house and all.

This is me. I’ll be polite and considerate for those who I’m too much for, but I’m just going to stand solidly as me being the best me I can. I am changing, but not like I think you mean.

maybe I’ll cut my hair…

Little Update

Here’s a fun update. My son and I have been working on Beatrix for days. For my birthday he gave me an iPad with a drawing Ap and a very cool stylist pen. We were all like: WOW

This is going to change my/your life! OMG!

And guess what?: It already HAS! We managed to do things I thought were impossible. We have been working around the clock (and around one very participative two year old who is living her best life being a big part of the production process). Also, in and around holiday decorating which is also super important as well as a very active life, due to said toddler.

Anyway, I’m actually at a third printing place, right now. Low and behold the price is right! Two mock up book copies ordered later, we make a quick stop at a local bakery.

Two year old A from her car seat: “More crousant please!” Nothing cuter than a baby saying French words correctly. Target return (with drive up service- what?!) and Whole Foods. (I’m going to miss California!) I leave tomorrow.

My son will give my website another quick once over and then finally I will try out the blaze thing. I’ll let you know if it does anything helpful. It’s fun to hang out with my personal tech genius and his sweet wife and daughter! As my time here draws quickly to a close, we are all planning another ‘work’ trip.

I’m all set up to start on my next breathing book! I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, so I’m excited to try out my new drawing device.

Meanwhile, things on the East coast have turned bleaker and more serious. Gs stepdad has had some complications since I left. (this part is in no way fun, just a bit of an update). I don’t know what I’ll be stepping into upon my return. Here we thought things would calm down and level out once he was at the rehab place, and it looked like that, until it didn’t.

What a strange life. I miss G. I miss my grandkids, I’m going to miss this little peanut so much and ALL my grown up children and my friends too. Oh blast the wretched holidays this year. It’s set up for… um…no one knows.

Probably like all holidays. How can anyone really know. I saw a clip of two kids getting gaming controllers and crying because they were going to have to share them. I’m sure their parents expected that to go differently.

I’m going to continue to be thankful and appreciative for everything lovely in my life. Circumstances have been changing on a dime these days. I wake up with the loosest of expectations. Still I’m surprised and surprised again. Often with things that are sweet. Obviously with things that are not too, but it’s okay.

This is what I signed up for. This is a stage. It’s going to shift and change and be sad and be happy, and change again. No one gets off easy and no one gets out alive. These are as sure as taxes. I will be biding my time by searching hard for lovely things to be grateful for and looking just as hard for the good in the difficult times. I can only make the best of any given moment and then take good care of myself and be compassionate to everyone (me included) in the others.

So there’s my book update. It’s finally made it to its last edit (fingers crossed). I think I found a print place that understands my goals. I’m about to start on a new breathing book about the earth and gratitude. I’m ready for things to expand out again and plan to begin, using my new IPad, as I fly across the country tomorrow.

I was texting my brother who I just found out I’ll miss seeing, my grandson who had his sister’s phone on the sly, and G who I was trying to wake up because the surgeon called me because they decided to do the surgery in the middle of the night and neither he or his mom were answering. Such a strange time…

I’m sad to be leaving but I know that I’m doing the best that I can do, as I maneuver through this year’s holiday season. Carry on brave friends. I know for some, this will be a shoulder squaring time. For others, enjoy. I wish you peace, hope, and love. (and a bit of fun too)

Oh that’s easy

Are you more of a night or morning person?

I’m a morning person

I have friends and family members who are night owls. A lot of artists tend to be. In fact if I have a deadline, I welcome middle of the night silence, so I get it. It’s just that my natural way, is to fall asleep early and wake up a little before dawn. I love to get up and out as early as possible. Something about the fresh air and early light feels amazing to my brain and body.

My grand dogs love this about me. Are all dogs morning people?

My first child was and is to this day a night owl. At bedtime she would say ‘I can’t sleep, my mind is too full’.

My second was and still is like me. Up and dressed and out the door.Another of my sons thinks you can be either. You just have to try. We disagree about this. Im basing that opinion on myself because I know I’ll never be as happy or coherent at night as I am in the morning. I can stumble around and do stuff, but not with as much efficiency. Mornings are my jam. I wake up happy. So do other morning people.

Once I went to a 6 am yoga class where the instructor didn’t show. The would-be class participants and I were practically all best friends by the time someone showed up to unlock the doors and sub. High happy energy and it wasn’t even light out yet. Cheers to other morning people!

Favorite clothes?!

What are your two favorite things to wear?

It changes. And kind of a lot so

Right now I have a silly Christmas sweater that I’m kind of loving. I’ve never been the kooky holiday sweater type, but last year, one of my kid’s families rocked their sweaters all season long. I bought this one late, so I’m making the most of having one for this year. It’s a Tommy Hilfiger wool blend with a polar bear wearing a red scarf on the front. It’s a good light blue color that feels more festive than garish, somewhat silly, but not too. I’m wearing it while helping decorate the tree. Seems perfectly appropriate.

To complete my crazy look, I’m breaking in my new Ugg all weather aderonic boots. (I didn’t realize they could be rolled down). Also my black vest. Thats another favorite. I wear this vest over and under everything. It’s warm, but not too warm, simple, goes with everything, squishes into a little pocket if I get hot.. How did I exist last winter without it?

Outdated ugly, old

What technology would you be better off without, why?

(Is a leaf blower technology ? Thats one I might be happier not hearing. Will they be inventing a silent version soon?)

To answer, I want to first say that the things my life is definitely better without, is the old stuff.

I wasn’t a fan in the beginning. I found no real use for the giant beige vented device that had to sit on and equally ugly big desk (that I had nothing to do with buying). Eventually I wanted to hug some guy named Steve Jobs for caring about aesthetics. Before Apple updated its earlier color computers, and made form as important as function, I couldn’t handle it.

Now not only is my huge screened computer pretty, my iPad has a cool cover and my iPhone is in a super cute case. Better yet I use them to make art and write books and read and get inspired and listen to music. Technology and I have become close friends.

I’m pretty sure no matter what I say here, someone’s living depends on it. This is where we have evolved. My thinking is that most anything can be used for good. It can also contribute to a lesser quality of life. Or even be destructive. Tools can be like that.

Do we need all the technology we have today? We did exist as humans for a long while without it. Would our lives be better without certain things?Were lives better before? Maybe in some ways, but most of the things that were available before are still around. Farmers have the option to walk behind an ox pulling a plow if they want. You can still get and only have basic cable. You can use a landline phone. Write a letter, mail a check…maybe someone is still using an old towered desk top computer. It might be black instead of beige…

I personally like where things are going. I know new things can be hard, they can seem scary and threaten the life we are used to, but I m glad for advancing technology. The things I use regularly make my life easier and more fun.

A very long time ago, people had to pump water from a well, heat it on a stove and fill a bath tub pail by pail to take a bath. Bathing wasn’t a daily thing, in fact for many families it was a weekly event. Oldest to youngest would take their turn as the water temperature cooled. Babies were last because they couldn’t handle the initial super hot water. Water was bailed out as the last bather was still mid bath. By then the water was murky. It’s where we got the saying ‘don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”.

Which means something like, don’t throw out the whole thing just because one part isn’t good or doesn’t work for you. Keep the good (the baby), and throw out the rest ( the icky dirty water- they probably used it to water the garden). If one technology is taking away my peace or my joy or whatever, I hope I will adjust my use of that certain thing and not toss it all out…because, well, I kinda love technology.

Hard question to answer

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

It’s my birthday. I didn’t make it this long in life without having to make some good hard decisions. The hardest one? I don’t know.

In hindsight my hardest choices, made the biggest and usually best outcomes. Particularly when I listened to my heart or gut. Sometimes hard decisions were made and I just showed up and walked through the circumstances.

Some decisions I’ve made in a moment. Others, I make every day. It’s hard to say which is harder.

I might be facing one or several right now. Life man. jusr when you are having a little fun…

Freaking holidays

Do you or your family make any special dishes for the holidays?

Um

Yes, only it’s complicated…

I’m not sure why, but I’ve always had a thing for tradition. Not just mine, I love to hear about everyones! Don’t spare me the details, I want to hear about all of it! One year my high school put on the play Fiddler on the Roof. I painted sets for weeks, maybe months. That was my introduction to theater. I fell in love. With the play and with theater in general.

Little did I know then that one day I would be able to relate to the story.

When I had my first baby I got a lot of advice. A LOT. So much that it was actually uncomfortable which is why outside of this blog, I try never to give advice (unless asked specifically). And Especially not to new parents… (they have the internet, and besides, no one wants my out dated ideas)

When I was still quite young, Someone advised me to make traditions for my family, they said it would be like glue and keep teenagers close. I loved my sweet babies so much that of course I wanted THAT! Uh…good and bad news here. It worked but…

I want to say we got a little too attached to our traditions. This could be a little hilarious or it could be a bit of problem. I seriously just made them all up. Some are from my childhood and I made them fun. Some I borrowed and made our own, but mostly just conjured silliness based on things I read about…

So yes, we have traditional foods that we only make around the holiday season, specific to each holiday. We have activities, we have music, we have books and movies. We decorate. I being an artist freaking love to decorate. I stay up too late making stuff, designing around a theme, it’s kind of ridiculous, but it’s what I love. The excuse of a holiday? The carrot of keeping my people close? What in the world?!

Kids grow up, they get married, they move away, they have their own families. They have their own traditions to make. Even though everyone will probably agree that my holiday traditions are the pinochle of the best of the best, kids grow up, they get married and they do it their way. Tradition as Tevye and his wife learned, is as precarious as a fiddler on a very slanted pitched roof. Life is really all about change. Change is more where my life is at, especially now, so I’m all ears. What fun foods are you making for the holiday season?!

Mine are sitting this one out.

changed the prompt, blaming my brain stem…

Name ten things you are grateful for

I read a book about the magic of gratitude. What a perfect month to have this gifted to me. I read it on the train from SD to SLO and I’ll probably read it again while I’m here . I want to remember the many good suggestions. Maybe it’s a study guide for life.

I’ve never used the term ‘magic’ in conjunction with gratitude before, I’m glad to be introduced to an old subject with a new twist.

Gratitude can change your life? Daily exercises in saying thank you, feeling thankful, being grateful, will change the way our brains work. I believe this.

If we get into the practice of looking for positive things and feeling grateful for them our brains will gradually shift to sorting and sifting and seeking positives. Similar to when you want or buy a certain brand of car, you start to see them everywhere. We recently got a white jeep, even before it was ours, it seemed like everyone owned a jeep, mostly white ones. This happens because of a part in our brains called the reticular activator. Its role is to pay attention to some things while ignoring others. It’s a primitive region in our brainstem that regulates sleep, awareness, even fight or flight. It decides what we can sleep to (the sound of traffic if we are used to it) and what will wake us up ( a crying baby). It is constantly looking for what seems important and ignoring what doesn’t.

The fun side of knowing this for me, is that I can program my RAS on purpose. Most brain things happen automatically so to have some real time control is interesting. I know I have done this while shopping, while designing, while staging.

So now it’s been suggested to actively look for things in a day to be thankful for. Minimum ten, choose a daily favorite, look back in time for some, then imagine things working out perfectly and feeling grateful in the future. Intentions wrapped in gratitude? I love that.

It’s not that I’m not already thankful, the idea is to amplify my attention to it. (I’m sure there were just as many white jeeps on the road before one came into my life). This has already been a magical month full of things that I’m beyond grateful for. How can it get better than this?!

Well, I guess I’ll program my recticular activating system to search for more magical moments of gratitude and see what happens…