Triggers

Now that I’m aware of this state of dis regulation and have a name for it, I seem to recognize when it happens much faster. I’m also quicker to move my way through it and back to a regulated state. Usually there is something called a ‘trigger’ that sets off what feels like an unraveling of a perfectly fine moment. A trigger is a real life happening even if I can’t tell what it actually is in the moment. I think it’s important to know that knowing or not knowing what prompted the disregulation is not the most important thing. Some people do focus on figuring it out and then try to avoid being triggered as much as possible.

This is one approach for sure, but it hasn’t worked perfectly for me. Triggers happen randomly in all kinds of different situations. I prefer to try my best to take the best care of myself going into every interaction (this seems to lessen the disregulation, if it happens) and then I compassionately take care of myself afterward.

Triggers happen, they are part of living life. Even if you never leave your house, television, social media, family members, even text messages can be triggers. Someone saying an unsupportive thing. Movies that remind us of past trauma, really anything that reminds us of a past angst. Disheartening conversations, rushing, comparing oneself to others, even a bad dream can be a trigger. Though we can avoid more obvious ones, I think it would be impossible to avoid them altogether.

Best to recognize the feeling of being off. Knowing the little nuances of my own distegulated behaviors is helpful. I tend to feel ( and act) like a whiney toddler who needs a nap. Allowing myself to feel affected and acknowledging it, is important. It never helps to say it’s nothing. If I find myself in the throngs of dis regulation, it’s never nothing that set me off. Being triggered is not my fault, it’s a completely normal human response. I first have to accept that something, even if I can’t name it, triggered me out of a regulated state. It doesn’t help to say I’m fine. I WILL be fine, but for a little while, I’m really just not. At this point it’s time to step up and be my own best friend.

There’s a little girl on YouTube who is sad and obviously dis regulated. Her father is trying to help her. He asks her what’s wrong but she doesn’t seem to be able to say. After he turns off the camera and comes back he says “ so you think some music and maybe something to eat will help?” she then becomes animated and quickly agrees. The best line is “ Fraggle Rock has music…” the final scene is the little girl eating a sandwich kicking her legs happily while watching her musical show.

Truly, it can be this easy to get back to happy, but I always need to remind myself, that steps must be taken. Otherwise my disregulation might go on for days, twisting and shifting into other less happy emotions. Bottled up feelings don’t move up and out.( they may just morph into worse ones). Taking on the responsibility of caring for my out of balanced self, I’ve learned, is so important. Recognizing a trigger or an early feeling of dis regulation does keep getting easier with practice.

I hope this is helpful to learn about. I hope me slowly learning self awareness will help others see that its doable. And useful.

Simply Breathe

In a dis-regulated state, often the smallest action can make a huge stride toward restoring balance.

I like knowing that my best goal is as simple as changing my mind. but if you can imagine being or are in a state of dis-regulation you will know that simple is not the same as easy.

One trick that I learned in yoga is to breathe slowly and deeply. Even just the slight shift of paying attention to how I’m breathing and influencing it by trying to breathe into my belly before pressing all the air out, will help me focus away from fear and begin to return to regulation. Sometimes I’ll try to make my out breath longer than the in. There are many different breathing techniques. I like doing ‘box breathing’ (you can google it) as well.

Breathing is something everyone already knows how to do. Focusing on it is something anyone can do anywhere at anytime. No one else needs to know when you are practicing. Standing in line, sitting in traffic, in the middle of the night, (it can even help me fall asleep.).

The hardest part I find, is probably remembering to do it. Before I did yoga I was a very shallow unconscious breather. Even now, in a stressful situation I think I actually forget to breathe. After years of practice, I will still get upset and my body will have to yawn or pull in air with a sigh. That little unprompted shudder now reminds me to pay attention. I like the concentration it takes because conscious breathing always pulls my mind back to the present. My yoga teacher says no one can breathe in the past or the future, you can only breathe in the present. So while paying close attention to breathing, I am thwarted from worrying or lamenting. I am also pulled away from my over thinking mind and back into my body.

I sometimes forget about my body, which I know sounds odd. As an artist, I like feeling lost in my work, which is another way of losing awareness of my body,. Reading, I notice, is another. I’ve since learned that when my body awareness returns it feels good. It can help me feel grounded and clear. Breath work is the simplest way that I know of to return to the present moment, get out of my racing mind and feel that I’m ‘back’in my body.

I wrote and illustrated a picture book about breathing, partly because of my pesky forgetfulness. I have been restored to a regulated state so many times by a breath centered yoga class. Yet it still feels like a miracle every time I come from a dis-regulated state into a peaceful one with just breathing! I still get side tracked with fear or worry and forget.

I want for kids to be able to learn this simple skill because I wish I had it growing up. I also wish I had it as a young mom. It’s a helpful practice I always return to.

Working on my book and attending yoga classes definitely helped me forge my own breathing practice. My favorite stories are from young moms with little ones who after reading my book over and over every night, witness their kids using conscious breathing when they get upset. (Check out Peaceful Hearts on Amazon for a digital copy), research breath centered yoga near you…or just give it a try next time you find yourself in traffic.

breathecentricyoga.com

Motivation

I recently learned about a condition called C-PTSD. I feel like my learning about this was a clear divide. Me before I knew there was a thing called complex post traumatic stress disorder and me afterward.

Not everyone will take this in, I completely understand. I have been living in a community that probably doesn’t suffer from this at all. Since I do and it’s clear that I have for as long as I can remember, it makes it interesting and raises questions. Do I try to explain or do I just move forward incorporating this new understanding for myself?

I decided to find an online community who may also benefit from knowing about this. With this side note: as I have always known that there was something different about me, I was constantly trying to remedy what I felt was ‘wrong’. This lead to a whole lot of compassion, understanding and self soothing tactics which I think might be helpful to others.

I have researched and tried so many different philosophies to try to ‘fix’ myself, it could be considered embarrassing. Little did I know I was becoming pretty skilled at regulating my brain and body during tough moments.

Where I used to think that I lacked motivation and follow through, I now see that I actually had both. Not in the ways that I had hoped, not so obvious to anyone, but so much so that I can say I’m good at something I didn’t know was even a thing. Self regulation. It IS a thing and ptsd or not, everyone can find some peace when they learn to do it.

I’m going to highlight different ways to calm our nervous systems. If it sounds crazy, well, maybe it is. Here’s hoping it will be amusing and helpful and enough so that anything crazy will be overlooked.

Hello World!

Welcome to WordPress!

Hello World!

Im Andie.

I have some ideas that I hope will be helpful. I’ve spent most of my life looking for ways to improve and live not only more authentically, but with grace. Grace from being peaceful, kind, calm and loving. I’ve spent a lifetime making art, writing, reading and teaching art. Along the way, I’ve fallen short. I’ve lost my footing. I’ve failed miserably at seemingly easy things. I’ve made huge mistakes Like most everyone, I’ve lived through tough times…

I’ve also learned. I’ve stood up and tried again and again and again. I can tell you that I’m terrible at many things and the older I get the more I feel like I don’t know. Plus I tend to lose interest easily, so there’s that.

But

One thing I will say and I can say for sure, is that I do know how to pick myself up, dust myself off, and find a way that’s better.

This blog is about regulating because the one skill I seem to have practiced, for way more than ten thousand hours, is that. Re regulation. I didn’t even know it was a thing until quite recently, but I am confident that I’ve honed this skill and continue to hone it every day.

I invite you to join me as I move ever more toward a more consistent regulated state. I have a constantly expanding tool kit of ways to regulate, some of which, I hope you will find useful. I’m all about adding quality to life, even the weird moments. Probably especially the weird moments. One thing I’m really good at and truly enjoy doing, is making anything better…

Regulation: What Is It?

I’m going to start here. Since the terms regulated and dis-regulated are extreme opposites, I think it helps to know them together since they help define each other.

We all get disregulated and we all return to a regulated state. It’s part of being alive. Think of a gazelle being chased but not caught by a lion. If you’ve ever seen this on a nature show, usually with drum music playing up the chase, you can almost feel the fast heart rate and panic of the running for its life animal. And then as the lion falls back and gives up, the gazelle rejoins it’s herd and goes back to grazing as if those frightening moments didn’t just happen.

We aren’t gazelles, but sometimes life can get our hearts racing and fear can block out our otherwise ordinary day. It doesn’t matter what grips us with fear or anxiety or anger, we all know it when it happens. That feeling of utter angst. That is disregulation. If you have any form of PTSD, angst can flair up suddenly with no warning. All at once you are too angry or sad or fearful to even have a clear thought.

Eventually you calm down, relax and feel fine. You might get riled back up if you tell and recall some of the details, but eventually you return to a general feeling of fine. That feeling of neutral, calm confidence is the feeling of being regulated. It’s a feeling we generally like or we aren’t overly aware of.

Dis-regulation takes many forms. Think of a toddler being inconsolable over the wrong juice cup. A frustrated boss or parent shouting down at an obvious subordinate. Even a pet owner with an out of control dog. I’ll talk more about getting disregulated in another post. Just know that being regulated is a sharp and refreshing contrast.

In a regulated state conversations are light, decisions are simpler, our bodies are relaxed. It’s easy to have a change of mind or shift plans. We feel calm and relaxed and open. Exercise, eating well staying hydrated are simple components of a balanced life, not a white knuckle battle of internal will power. Interactions with others are comfortable. if there was a secret to a happy life, it would have a lot to do with spending more time in a regulated state.

Contentment, comfortable in your body and life, it’s a feeling of all over enough-ness. Often when we judge ourselves against another it’s because we sense their regulation and wish that for ourself. And how could we not?! Some people can feign regulation, but usually it’s self evident. Comfortable feels good both inwardly and outwardly. The good news is that we all have access to it and the not so good news is that we all fall out of it. Life can almost be broken down into two states. The desired one is regulated.