Consummed?

Here’s a great question:

“…is it foolish to let what you love consume you?”

Asked and answered by Makenna Caras of Spinning Visions. If you haven’t read her blogs, I recommend you do. She can WRITE.

Her answer:

“Not if you know how to start again…”

I had a few artistic moments when I was young that helped me start to piece together some of who I was. Little, not super interesting glimpses of what would later be referred to as talent. Moments of unexplained obsession that only make sense in hindsight.

I was born loving anything art. No one, not even I, understood why aesthetics meant so much. What WAS that feeling that I overwelmed me?

In college, where I discovered that I could be competitive, I would do something amazing and then fear, that I could never do it again.

Which, I later learned, is a universal fear for creators. What if that one project is the best thing I’ll ever be capable of.

With art, excellence can happen unexpectedly, almost accidentally. Leaving the artist to wonder, (quietly to themself) ‘how did I do that!?’

Over the years I’ve done art that has made me feel that way. I’ve also created art that makes me cringe and question how I could call myself an artist at all.

I had to learn a few things about success and failure.

Because it happens that you can pour all your love into something, and fail miserably, epically,

publicly.

But if you know you can start again…

When I really know that something unbelievable could show up, in fact, probably will, if I just start again. Well

The real reason that ‘resting on our laurals’ or overthinking failure is problematic is the paralyzing fear it can cause.

I poured my self into my Beatrix picture book project. So much time and love, and utter consumption; I struggled for actual years over the possibility of failure.

In my heart, I know its a solid project, but the publishing world loomed scarily, my letter writing skills lacking…

Then

I did something that surprised me.

I started again. I came at the monster from a completely different angle. An angle I hadn’t thought of before.

I learned. I grew. I did what felt impossible only a few weeks ago.

Knowing you can start again.

Overcoming the crazy fear of starting again.

Knowing how to GET yourself to start again.

Actually starting again.

That is the answer.

(I have sent five submission letters. Five!)