The most important invention is my smart phone.

Before I had a smart phone, I had to spend hours at my local library and Barns and Noble. I had a need to read and before my Kindle, these were my only options.

I love physical books, but my reading speed is thwarted by page turning and lighting. Reading at night is no longer a problem. Can’t read small print? I can with my phone.Research? Now in the palm of my hand.

Probably for me the biggest thing is my Maps AP. This is a game changer. I never get lost now. I can independently and confidently drive anywhere. Crossing the country by myself was a joy. I was born with a ridiculously terrible sence of direction, it’s so bad that it’s like a disability. It held me back for a portion of my life, but thanks to my phone, I can navigate any city.

I love the camera. I love being able to blog and work on my website, write query’s, send emails, make and send PDFs.

Talks and mediations, news, what’s trending, weather. I’m eternally thankful for my hand held computer. I hardly even use it as a phone, but when I do I can go about whatever I’m doing whereever I’m doing it.

Calculator, note writing, shopping…

I love my phone. I remember life without it and I wouldn’t want to go back

I love these exercises.

It’s fun to imagine an ideal day in my future.

Things now are mostly good.

Yes, I do realize my days are pretty nice. We are here in southern CA very much enjoying the beautiful weather. California winters are winter, especially if you live here, but the mildest of mild. At night one might need a hoodie or a vest or a sweater because it’s humid by the beach and the marine layer can feel like you’re in a cool cloud.

It’s been nice to reconnect with friends and family.

A dream day for me would be one where things flow smoothly. I love it when the energy of possibility keeps going and going. No stressed out person crosses my path. ‘Yes’ is the word I keep hearing. It’s as though every challenge is a fun puzzle and everyone I get to talk to is up for fun expansive solutions.

In the spirit of happiness and fun everyone I encounter and everyone I hang out with is aligned and supportive. Kindness, and open heartedness, the feeling of love, rules. Big things happen, I feel inspired. We inspire each other. There’s sincerity and generosity. Fun happens spontaneously. Things expand. I feel like life is falling beautifully into place. That is my dream day.

Inspired by many ‘beautiful’, problem filled encounters.

I’m trying to process and understand what might be going on inside so many stressed-out individuals. And as usual, breathe through some of the harder moments. Times are tough. I hear that. Mostly I’m listening because I don’t know what to say or do, but listening isn’t helping me exactly, so, I’m stumped.

And I keep landing in situations that leave me feeling off and uncomfortable. This does make me pause and wonder.

What is my part?

Maybe ‘ideal’ isn’t everyone out there behaving so life is easier for me. Maybe an ideal day or even just an ideal moment is me going up against angst and turning it into something lovely. Maybe me proving to me that my energy is strong enough to stand up to who or whatever I encounter, is the most ideal.

My perspective is ever changing and always evolving. Life does that to me.

Perspective makes all the difference, both from the standpoint of art, but also in life.

Mentally standing back and viewing myself from outside my head, is something I am learning to do more often. Whenever I’m bowled over by a situation, I try to find a perspective that gives me a little space. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

I know that the passage of time softens, even changes emotions. I know that if I can pause. Set the proveial glass down and let everything settle, any strong feelings will settle (until something stirs them up again).

I am learning to use perspective and passing time to my advantage. Lots of strong energies are swirling, I am just like everyone else, navigating as best I can.

Am I missing the forest, because of all the trees? I’ve never fully understood this metaphor. Either we are IN the forest or we are standing back looking at it. Either way we are experiencing forest. It’s up to each of us what perspective we want to view things from. Unless we don’t see choices. Artists always see too many choices.

When life is getting to me. When interactions feel uncomfortable. When I get treated in a way that makes me feel inferior or unimportant or less valuable, or just plain unfairly, I want to complain to someone!

I don’t really like any of this. I don’t like the feelings and I don’t like being complainy. I don’t enjoy hanging out with my complaining self, even if I can be a little witty. I’d rather be clever or funny in different ways. I rarely look back on my complain rants with fondness.

Except, there was this one time…

My son was in college and home for a stretch, he and I had both had a bad day. We had both been offended repeatedly, so by the time we met up, we had had it! We started off venting, and validating each others’gripes, then we noticed this bottle of wine someone had gifted us, we were sort of saving it but…

Somehow we ended up toasting everyone and everything that had ruined our day. Sometimes the audacity of others remarks can be comically absurd. Especially when we stood back and lost the feelings of offense.

This became one of my favorite memories and best examples of humor shifting energy. We let off steam, and laughing at the absurdity of all the day’s injustices, let go of being angry and offended. We actually ended up in really good moods.

I can’t recall even one of our grievences that day, but I will never forget the fun of toasting them and all the people involved!

Cheers to everything that happened that led to all our laughter.

I wonder if the switch from ugh to good is where power lies. A big energy shift can feel so monumental. Either way, high to low, low to high. Energy is visceral. So is a good belly laugh.

So yes, what now? What do I want to do?

Oh, hmm

I’m so glad you asked.

I’ll start with setting up some CD and investment accounts. Hire an accountant, (I know a guy), probably a tax person. Set up some college fund accounts for all the grand kids. Give each of the kids and family sizeable checks.

Then whew…

What financial freedom would I like to experience first?

Hmmm

Grocery store. No list.

I’d get my daughter in law, who’s a realtor, searching for the perfect house with studio space and wood shop. In CA

I’d quit the find-an-agent-find-a publisher-traditional slow process and just publish my book. ASAP

I’m pretty sure I would get a beautiful yoga studio space started. One that offers a wide variety of yoga, many teachers, meditation etc, here in north county. (something like what we had before the lock down)

I’d start planning and painting for a second art show. I’d take my time. Pick up the pace on my next book.

It seems, I wouldn’t be doing too many things differently. Mostly just more and bigger. More of the things I love. Same old same old. Give more, do things faster and bigger. I’d probably wear better shoes. But not that much better. I love my shoes.

Or rather dream career or maybe dream life…

Sometimes I look around and wonder if I’m not in it right now.

I’m an artist. It’s a job, a career and a life. It’s not as glamorous as it sounds.

Getting ready to show art is a many faceted thing. It’s like a puzzle, which I like. Focusing on both the details and the big picture is pretty fun for me.

I’ve put together many shows, solo and otherwise. Every time I’m at a different place in my life which means a different place in my career. Art requires a fairly introverted, behind the scenes person to be brought into a the spotlight, which basically feels like being put on the spot in some uncomfortable way. At art school is was the critique. I went to a big college with huge classes. My art and I had to endure our share opinions. Emerging as an abstract expressionist also had its non-popularity. Juried shows, oh my. I still don’t know if I gained a tough enough skin over the years

Its not without a fair measure of social insecurity that I do this show thing. I wish I had the bravado of Picasso, but I don’t. I still find it weird to be judged for what I create. Or to have my art judged and take it completely personally. Hard to separate myself, even this late in the game.

I just watched the documentary about the making of We Are the World. Forty artists in one room creating one thing. It was a good reminder for me, that even the best of the best is still human and subject to all the stress and insecurity of the creation process. There was a sweet moment when Bob Dylan (of all people) was having a moment and a little group was compassionately trying to help him. Stevie Wonder got him laughing, and then he seamlessly did his part. Making art is a complicated, often messy, emotional workout sometimes. We all get in our own way at times, it happens.

I’m somehow still enthralled with this whole process. The art world has shifted and changed and I have shifted and changed. I’ve stuck it out. Loved the highs and endured the lows. Always a willing participant, I like it. I love it. I might be having the time of my life.

I’m a bit of a fan of wild ideas. Outliers, out of the box thinking, ‘crazy’ seems a little harsh, but it’s a perspective.

My brain struggles with rational, logic.

There’s a confession.

Not that I don’t understand it’s very nessesary place, not that I don’t reason out how to bring about the outlandish while immersed in a fairly ordinary life. We are just trying to help out an elderly family member, enjoy our people and still earn a living. Our challenges invite creative thinking.

I don’t have the energy (or time) to figure out how anyone else is doing it.

My crazy ideas fuel my life.

Lately, I’m piecing together an art show. This has so many little components I can’t begin to list them.

The momentum of getting the ball rolling is fun though. I love all the small moves , I love stepping into a roll that requires some confident decisiveness. Little stresses, little victories, little swings this way and that. Glitches to work through, options to consider.

I also like the constant reminder that though I’m the one moving my feet, it’s really not in my hands to control. There’s an unfolding which I have learned and am always re learning to trust.

I’m a little excited about things I’m doing today…

Can I share a positive example of when I felt loved?

Such a great prompt question. I like it because it’s always sweet to remember and acknowledge and feel the good vibration of love in my life.

I’m going to choose this one very recent moment. The other day after getting back after being out of town for months, I got to pick the kids up from school. I’ve done this countless times before, but it’s been awhile. Kids grow a lot in six months. My grandson is half way through fifth grade. That is the oldest a kid can be in elementary school. I wondered if he would be too cool to meet up and walk with me (like we knew each other, you know while his friends were around)

Well, he was just like usual, excited to see me, big smile, big hug and he actually slid his hand in mine for the walk home. Same with his younger sister, both full of news about their day. Just like no time had passed at all.

Are grandmas exempt from that thing my kids did? The lets pretend we don’t know each other game that only happens occasionally but I could never predict when.

Oh these kids make me feel so loved! All three will still sit and tell me everything about their day, show me things they love or are proud of, be so excited to see me, jump at the chance to run an errand with me. We dragged Rose to see the gallery when we went the other day. She wondered if she could text her mom so she could stay longer.

Does it get better than this? I don’t see how it can.

The adventure continues…

After a bit of an epic journey, we have landed back in California.

(Our little beach town is at least three hours south of LA., so no fire danger here. I do know several people who have friends and family who are dealing with the horrible after affects right now. It really is as awful as it looks on the news.)

It’s strange and cool to be back. Culture is something. I have appreciation and love for both cultures. I have wonderful friends on both coasts now, who’d have thought?

Here, I have a gallery show to put together. I feel the woosh of fast moving energy. I love the bigness, the feeling of ever shifting possibilities. Wasn’t I just wishing for a space to hunker down and stay warm? Finally, I have that space, but haven’t felt much like hunkering. I’m finding this interesting. Instead I feel like I did at the end of a long pregnancy, that busy nesting feeling. I remember not being able to stop moving or cleaning or organizing, and I didn’t want to. Is this excitement?

Yes! I believe it is.

I’m super excited! A gallery in LaJolla wants MY paintings?! How does it get better than that?!

I’ve been a student of energy this past year, searching and finding the best feeling places, the best feeling people, but even more importantly, keeping my own as high vibrational as possible. Practicing and practicing, keeping an open heart, no matter what.

Trust me, if anyone knows how hard this can be, I do, but looking back, I see it only as all the many opportunities I had to practice.

And guess what? I got a little better at it. Oh and I FEEL so much better more of the time. Stuff still happens, every day. I just don’t stay in the energies I’m not comfortable. I think because of all the practice? Or something. Anyway, I loving this excitedness. It’s pretty fun…