Or rather dream career or maybe dream life…

Sometimes I look around and wonder if I’m not in it right now.

I’m an artist. It’s a job, a career and a life. It’s not as glamorous as it sounds.

Getting ready to show art is a many faceted thing. It’s like a puzzle, which I like. Focusing on both the details and the big picture is pretty fun for me.

I’ve put together many shows, solo and otherwise. Every time I’m at a different place in my life which means a different place in my career. Art requires a fairly introverted, behind the scenes person to be brought into a the spotlight, which basically feels like being put on the spot in some uncomfortable way. At art school is was the critique. I went to a big college with huge classes. My art and I had to endure our share opinions. Emerging as an abstract expressionist also had its non-popularity. Juried shows, oh my. I still don’t know if I gained a tough enough skin over the years

Its not without a fair measure of social insecurity that I do this show thing. I wish I had the bravado of Picasso, but I don’t. I still find it weird to be judged for what I create. Or to have my art judged and take it completely personally. Hard to separate myself, even this late in the game.

I just watched the documentary about the making of We Are the World. Forty artists in one room creating one thing. It was a good reminder for me, that even the best of the best is still human and subject to all the stress and insecurity of the creation process. There was a sweet moment when Bob Dylan (of all people) was having a moment and a little group was compassionately trying to help him. Stevie Wonder got him laughing, and then he seamlessly did his part. Making art is a complicated, often messy, emotional workout sometimes. We all get in our own way at times, it happens.

I’m somehow still enthralled with this whole process. The art world has shifted and changed and I have shifted and changed. I’ve stuck it out. Loved the highs and endured the lows. Always a willing participant, I like it. I love it. I might be having the time of my life.

I’m a bit of a fan of wild ideas. Outliers, out of the box thinking, ‘crazy’ seems a little harsh, but it’s a perspective.

My brain struggles with rational, logic.

There’s a confession.

Not that I don’t understand it’s very nessesary place, not that I don’t reason out how to bring about the outlandish while immersed in a fairly ordinary life. We are just trying to help out an elderly family member, enjoy our people and still earn a living. Our challenges invite creative thinking.

I don’t have the energy (or time) to figure out how anyone else is doing it.

My crazy ideas fuel my life.

Lately, I’m piecing together an art show. This has so many little components I can’t begin to list them.

The momentum of getting the ball rolling is fun though. I love all the small moves , I love stepping into a roll that requires some confident decisiveness. Little stresses, little victories, little swings this way and that. Glitches to work through, options to consider.

I also like the constant reminder that though I’m the one moving my feet, it’s really not in my hands to control. There’s an unfolding which I have learned and am always re learning to trust.

I’m a little excited about things I’m doing today…

Can I share a positive example of when I felt loved?

Such a great prompt question. I like it because it’s always sweet to remember and acknowledge and feel the good vibration of love in my life.

I’m going to choose this one very recent moment. The other day after getting back after being out of town for months, I got to pick the kids up from school. I’ve done this countless times before, but it’s been awhile. Kids grow a lot in six months. My grandson is half way through fifth grade. That is the oldest a kid can be in elementary school. I wondered if he would be too cool to meet up and walk with me (like we knew each other, you know while his friends were around)

Well, he was just like usual, excited to see me, big smile, big hug and he actually slid his hand in mine for the walk home. Same with his younger sister, both full of news about their day. Just like no time had passed at all.

Are grandmas exempt from that thing my kids did? The lets pretend we don’t know each other game that only happens occasionally but I could never predict when.

Oh these kids make me feel so loved! All three will still sit and tell me everything about their day, show me things they love or are proud of, be so excited to see me, jump at the chance to run an errand with me. We dragged Rose to see the gallery when we went the other day. She wondered if she could text her mom so she could stay longer.

Does it get better than this? I don’t see how it can.

The adventure continues…

After a bit of an epic journey, we have landed back in California.

(Our little beach town is at least three hours south of LA., so no fire danger here. I do know several people who have friends and family who are dealing with the horrible after affects right now. It really is as awful as it looks on the news.)

It’s strange and cool to be back. Culture is something. I have appreciation and love for both cultures. I have wonderful friends on both coasts now, who’d have thought?

Here, I have a gallery show to put together. I feel the woosh of fast moving energy. I love the bigness, the feeling of ever shifting possibilities. Wasn’t I just wishing for a space to hunker down and stay warm? Finally, I have that space, but haven’t felt much like hunkering. I’m finding this interesting. Instead I feel like I did at the end of a long pregnancy, that busy nesting feeling. I remember not being able to stop moving or cleaning or organizing, and I didn’t want to. Is this excitement?

Yes! I believe it is.

I’m super excited! A gallery in LaJolla wants MY paintings?! How does it get better than that?!

I’ve been a student of energy this past year, searching and finding the best feeling places, the best feeling people, but even more importantly, keeping my own as high vibrational as possible. Practicing and practicing, keeping an open heart, no matter what.

Trust me, if anyone knows how hard this can be, I do, but looking back, I see it only as all the many opportunities I had to practice.

And guess what? I got a little better at it. Oh and I FEEL so much better more of the time. Stuff still happens, every day. I just don’t stay in the energies I’m not comfortable. I think because of all the practice? Or something. Anyway, I loving this excitedness. It’s pretty fun…

I’m giving this a little thought.

People have said to me: “Oh you’re so creative”.

It didn’t always sound like a compliment. There were a few years when I lived in a community that said it as a bit of a ‘backhanded’ compliment. At the time, I started cringing when I heard it.

Not anymore.

Now I stand squarely and solidly in my creative abilities. I dearly love to create. It’s fun!

Creation is something everyone does. We are doing it right now. We create our life. Everything we own, we either bought or was gifted to us. Someone thought of how to make it. Someone else made it. Someone else sold it or gave it to us. We chose. We saw it, wanted it and made it part of our creation. We invite things and people and edit out what doesn’t fit. We make our creation, basically, we are always creating our life. (Sometimes we aren’t aware of our editing power, or our inviting power, but we all have it)

It’s amazing that we all are doing this. I marvel at this process now. Sometimes I look at my own paintings and wonder how I created them. I guess I know this one little secret. Some artists talk about it, others do not. Some forget…

The secret is that the best art is always created with unseen help.

Just know, HELP is very important.

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful day🩵🧡🩷

The answer is yes. I am a good judge of character.

I give everyone a lot of grace at first meeting. I know we have all suffered differently and live around and from where we came from. Even after someone has shown me, I still have a lot of compassion.

But I have learned to trust my judgement when people show me who they are. Words and actions reveal a lot. Expressed opinions do also.

I’ve watched my husband be right about people from the first meeting. He pays attention. I’ve learned from him. People do show you who they are.

I grew up with a mother who could practically shape shift she was so good at deceiving people. She told stories that never happened, dropped her charming smile like a hot potato as soon as she turned her back.

How I managed to grow up so gullible, probably has some explanation, but for a chunk of my life I had very few savy people skills.

I now tend to err on the side of caution.

Once someone acts out, puts others down, behaves as if they are the only one who matters, treats anyone as less valuable or less important. Exhibits extreme negativity, or is deceptive. I get a little twitch. I know to proceed with caution.

I have no room for regular interaction with such people. I struggle enough with my situation here.

People’s energy affects things, People ruin their own day more often than not. Some people grew up in a whole era of negativity, duty, I don’t even know…

Mostly I am aware that life is too short to spend too much time with people who aren’t adding positivity to my world.

That is everyone’s choice. We all have complications that affect who is in our life, but my crusade to find joy, is helping me to be decerning in relationships. I’m still learning, but I’m going to say that yes, I’m getting good at this.

Happness is something I’m becoming a student of. My own happiness that is. I have learned a lot about the importance of knowing my own personal energy boosters.

It doesn’t take much. My morning coffee makes me very happy. Grandkids. Anything involving them, one FaceTime call… Friends. Yoga. Music. A good joke. One witty person. a smile, a kind word. Chocolate. A delicious meal. A good movie.

The little Niatic yoga studio. Every event there seems to leave me smiling. Last night they had a ceremonial cacao (chocolate) and Kerton solstice/holiday special. It was very well attended and very fun.

Work. I love the people I work with. I love being busy.

These are some of the things that make me the most happy.

The last fun thing I did was going to Chester for a birthday date.

I love this cool town. It’s all decked out for the holidays and looks completely Halmark movie magical. (they actually filmed one there). It’s the town that was bought up by an artist and restored, one building at a time.

We have been wanting to try out this one restaurant for awhile, but it’s small and very popular. Reservations are usually booked out, which is partly why we were still celebrating a week later. It was a beautiful evening and everything was amazing! The wait was very worth it. Lights aglow, cue a light snow, New England can be VERY charming…