I’m giving this a little thought.

People have said to me: “Oh you’re so creative”.

It didn’t always sound like a compliment. There were a few years when I lived in a community that said it as a bit of a ‘backhanded’ compliment. At the time, I started cringing when I heard it.

Not anymore.

Now I stand squarely and solidly in my creative abilities. I dearly love to create. It’s fun!

Creation is something everyone does. We are doing it right now. We create our life. Everything we own, we either bought or was gifted to us. Someone thought of how to make it. Someone else made it. Someone else sold it or gave it to us. We chose. We saw it, wanted it and made it part of our creation. We invite things and people and edit out what doesn’t fit. We make our creation, basically, we are always creating our life. (Sometimes we aren’t aware of our editing power, or our inviting power, but we all have it)

It’s amazing that we all are doing this. I marvel at this process now. Sometimes I look at my own paintings and wonder how I created them. I guess I know this one little secret. Some artists talk about it, others do not. Some forget…

The secret is that the best art is always created with unseen help.

Just know, HELP is very important.

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful day🩵🧡🩷

The answer is yes. I am a good judge of character.

I give everyone a lot of grace at first meeting. I know we have all suffered differently and live around and from where we came from. Even after someone has shown me, I still have a lot of compassion.

But I have learned to trust my judgement when people show me who they are. Words and actions reveal a lot. Expressed opinions do also.

I’ve watched my husband be right about people from the first meeting. He pays attention. I’ve learned from him. People do show you who they are.

I grew up with a mother who could practically shape shift she was so good at deceiving people. She told stories that never happened, dropped her charming smile like a hot potato as soon as she turned her back.

How I managed to grow up so gullible, probably has some explanation, but for a chunk of my life I had very few savy people skills.

I now tend to err on the side of caution.

Once someone acts out, puts others down, behaves as if they are the only one who matters, treats anyone as less valuable or less important. Exhibits extreme negativity, or is deceptive. I get a little twitch. I know to proceed with caution.

I have no room for regular interaction with such people. I struggle enough with my situation here.

People’s energy affects things, People ruin their own day more often than not. Some people grew up in a whole era of negativity, duty, I don’t even know…

Mostly I am aware that life is too short to spend too much time with people who aren’t adding positivity to my world.

That is everyone’s choice. We all have complications that affect who is in our life, but my crusade to find joy, is helping me to be decerning in relationships. I’m still learning, but I’m going to say that yes, I’m getting good at this.

Happness is something I’m becoming a student of. My own happiness that is. I have learned a lot about the importance of knowing my own personal energy boosters.

It doesn’t take much. My morning coffee makes me very happy. Grandkids. Anything involving them, one FaceTime call… Friends. Yoga. Music. A good joke. One witty person. a smile, a kind word. Chocolate. A delicious meal. A good movie.

The little Niatic yoga studio. Every event there seems to leave me smiling. Last night they had a ceremonial cacao (chocolate) and Kerton solstice/holiday special. It was very well attended and very fun.

Work. I love the people I work with. I love being busy.

These are some of the things that make me the most happy.

The last fun thing I did was going to Chester for a birthday date.

I love this cool town. It’s all decked out for the holidays and looks completely Halmark movie magical. (they actually filmed one there). It’s the town that was bought up by an artist and restored, one building at a time.

We have been wanting to try out this one restaurant for awhile, but it’s small and very popular. Reservations are usually booked out, which is partly why we were still celebrating a week later. It was a beautiful evening and everything was amazing! The wait was very worth it. Lights aglow, cue a light snow, New England can be VERY charming…

I would say no. My life is not.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around where I am.

But I wonder

Did I ever stop and try to picture my future life last year?

Because last year at this time we were driving back and forth to two different hospitals. Our eighty seven year old patient was facing surgery or death. (both really). The weather was miserable. We limped through the holidays with little to no festivities, or warmth, or light. It was a heavy time. If I recall, we were still trying to figure out how to get along. Television blasted at all hours, nothing made sense, sadness prevailed. I missed my kids, my friends, my life…

This year, is different.

Well

I mean, some things are.

We still don’t know what our ultimate plan is. We are leaving for California soon.

In some ways, I have figured out how to exist here, dare I suggest even thrive? I’m actually going to miss things in this life.

Speaking of picturing my life, I think I’ll devote a little time to picturing next year.

One thing we will have is our own space. This odd transition time will open up. Grandkids can visit. Next year we will have more choices.

The other day, I made a weird decision to do a little baking. In so many ways it was a debacle, reminding me once more, that things are still far from ideal. 

I’m glad though. I needed a pause. I probably needed to remember that I’m still straddling, I’m still taking each day as if it was an ocean wave. I have a little more idea of what to expect, but not entirely.

Next year, I picture way more fun. Way more beauty. Way more flow and ease. Way more me and way more of my own choices reflecting light and joy outward and bouncing back into my home, my life, my relationships.

I am putting those little candles in every window. ( it’s a New England thing). Putting up outdoor lights, baking for the neighbors while listening to music (not heated discussions about the last piece of confusing mail). G says we will put lights on our dock. We will make everything festive and lovely and we will definitely pack more fun, more joy and way more cozy contentment into to our life.

I will travel back to California for a lot of December. Kansas too. I will love the season. I will love many more things about my life, because

Well

that is how I’m picturing it.

My favorite little town has a Holiday parade every year. It’s my own real life version of Stars Hollow (from the Gilmore Girls which if you’ve never heard of it, is a show that was inspired by it’s creator’s trip to CT. It seems to be trending all these years later, as are Harlmark movies. At least that’s what I’m seeing fun being poked at lately)

Turns out, I’m in one.

Last night I parked and met a friend and we walked to the yoga studio”s potluck on the parade route. We checked out a nearby ‘salt cave’ business before hanging out at the studio. After it was dark and the parade was under way I got a text that G and his mom were at the ice cream shop. Yes, it was 28 degrees. I meandered through the crowds and met them, then we all walked back to the cozy yoga studio for the rest of the parade. Yoga friends and their families mingled inside and out.

Fun that I’ve gotten to know this place and the community a little.

Fun that there was a bonanza of Christmas cheer and festivities in my favorite New England beach town.

Fun night.

Yes. Probably. I hope so.

This span of my life has been interesting.

I’ve stretched and shrunk and spent chunks of time in less than ideal conditions. It’s been more fish-out-of- water time for me than time spent fitting in.

I’ve also had some really surprisingly wonderful experiences along the way.

I’m learning how to squeeze the most joy or fun or enjoyment out of every moment when I can.

And to find or extend grace to everyone (myself included) and everything when I can’t.

Life is short. I try every day to fan my own flame of internal love and open heartedness. Some days it’s all I’ve got, but what Ive learned, is that it really is enough.

I learned that I CAN be happy. I don’t need to wait until every thing is good. On hard days I try to remember that they won’t last forever, that tomorrow is always one night away. And even if I can’t remember, a new day always does come along.

What I’ve learned, is that I can do this. Comfort loving me, can even thrive when I’m uncomfortable. What is surprising, is that I found friends and fun and meaning and inspiration and love and joy.

And light!

I’ve found these things for myself. I don’t need anyone to approve or agree or understand. I’ve actually learned how to not care what others might think or judge me for. THAT lesson alone, is huge.

In all my Alice in Wonderland stretching and shrinking, I have learned to BREATHE and relax my shoulders and heart. I have learned to surrender. I have learned to honor the part of life I’m in now. Like Rocky said in that last fight in the original movie, “It’s not so bad”

Looking for solstice ideas on Pinterest, I came across this reference to a story about a raven who tricked a guy who was hiding all the light in the world. (I looked it up, it’s a native Canadian legend myth story).

According to the lore from north western indigenous people, the raven executed a complicated plan to capture the light that an old man had hidden away. The world was pitch dark up until this.

As we head for the longest night of the year, while I am still getting used to living in the NE, I am more aware than ever that it’s only 4pm and already getting dark. Add in the gray sky of rain or snow and its no wonder that stories about light and darkness are told.

Darkness affects so many things.

As does light.

Light can’t exist without dark, but at these times when the balance is tipping to darkness, one needs to hold onto the hope that it won’t always feel so extreme. The cold and dark won’t last forever. There are warming activities and ways to comfort ourselves.

Just like storms don’t rage forever, winter ends. Darkness is interrupted by dawn. This story was one of patience and endurance and magic. The guy who hid the light did so out of fear, which I thought was interesting. There was something he didn’t know and was afraid to find out. Raven played a long game. It took some clever ‘out of the box’ thinking to trick the old man to open a series of boxes. The box must be symbolic. I didn’t look it up yet.

I braved the rain and the wind and the dark and the possible wrath of not being home for dinner, to go to yoga at 5pm. (pitch black sky) I learned there that in the yoga tradition the opposite of fear is wisdom. We did some back hip stretches to release fear because sticky fear energy can settle in the hips.

I don’t know how true that is, but it was a lovely class with crystal bowls and metal ones placed on the body so our cells could absorb the vibrations. I filled my cup with ginger tea afterward and drove back through the dark and storm, feeling quite wonderful.

Some things we don’t know until we know. I’ve had many fearful worry filled life experiences over the years. Becoming wise to new information has given me courage at times to power through. It may have been just what I needed to chase away darkness and or fear. We sometimes say we’re in the dark about something, meaning we don’t know about it. Denial is another form of the fear of knowing something. I love this concept of light and wisdom being the opposite of darkness and fear.

Today was a tough one. I had had a lonnngggg lousy day. I was wanting to change my energy and raise my vibration a little. I’m glad now that I was feeling out of sorts enough to be motivated to go. If I was feeling fine, I would have stayed in. Weird how things work out.

The right amount of dark made me venture out to find a little light. Good to be tricked. I appreciated this clever twist.