art 4 regulation
What sacrifices have you made in life?
Ummm. I don’t know, my twenties? (Dramatic kidding) Heavy topic for a Monday.
I’ve made a lot of choices. Mom stuff I guess. Nothing truly noble like going to war or saving someone from a burning building or giving up a kidney. Sorry folks, I’ve got no dramatic sacrifice stories to tell. Just life.
Sunday is a good day for a flea market. We went back to the Brimfield Antique fair. I nearly bought oars for my boat. The things we didn’t buy: the garden cart had sold, a Ball jar with a glass lid, a ladder, a bamboo pillow, oars
We left with a stash of frugal purchases that make me smile. One because they were well negotiated and two because they were all unexpected. A vintage rolling pin for a dollar? I love old rolling pins. (It was a little broken). A potato ricer, (I will be cleaning off the rust and absolutely using it), a baseball style tshirt that says BRIM on it (new). A bowl, a vase, two ball caps and a Stevie Nicks hat. Three hats for $10, G only found two he liked, so I got talked into the Stevie Nicks number. (all new) a vintage kitchen scale, 18 color pencils for 1$ and one bunch of asparagus.
I can’t wait to find flowers for my vase. If only hydrangeas were blooming. I need lemons for my bowl. Have I mentioned that I love vintage? I do. I get a little joy just thinking of my best finds and a little more when I imagine decorating with them. Things come and go, but I rarely regret any of my vintage buys. I like my choices. I have a good eye for old stuff.
I think a lot of artists like this sort of thing. Little bits of beautiful other era items pack a zing of inspiration, plus history to guess about. Who riced potatoes? How many pie crusts were rolled out? Who else cut flowers and used this vase? It’s a really cool vase…
This was a fun way to spend the day, driving through trees and towns on our way to and from, listening to music, fun banter and so much to see…
What’s the oldest things you’re wearing today?
I have this necklace charm that I’ve been wearing forever. I got it as a place holder for a charm I was trying to replace several years ago. At the time I was living in a town that wasn’t a fit for me, and chose it as a reminder of where I was hoping to end up (near the ocean).
The charm that I have never been able to replace was given to me at a workshop thing I found myself in on the recommendation of a therapist. It was something I would never ordinarily sign up for.
He said it would be the equivalent of four years of therapy in four days. A bargain and a promise of accelerated healing? Yes please, sign me up!
I was trying to be fixed in those days. It was all about the what’s wrong with me puzzle. That’s how I ended up in a room full of twenty strangers, sixteen of us there to become better. The psychologists, after introducing themselves and having us introduce ourselves, told us to pair up. Everyone besides me and one other older man, enthusiastically found partners We ended up with each other because neither of us moved. He was there reluctantly at the request of his family. I was there reluctantly, but hoping for a new fixed me.
We endured the four days, all of us getting to know each other, extremely well, probably too well. Group therapy it seemed, really bonds you.
At the end of the weekend, we did all feel transformed. The man I was paired with was a jeweler. He made everyone a silver necklace with a charm of a sun on it. He said the sun was because of me. Something about me made him think of sunshine. He wanted everyone to remember sunshine as we returned to our lives.
This was a moment out of time that I will never forget. Me? Sunshine? I just spent four and a half days crying more than I ever had in my life. The weekend was brutal. I didnt recommend it to anyone. The pain people have in their lives is huge. We literally wept for everyone. Yet, everyone agreed, I was sunshine.
I had never heard this before. Ever. At that point all those years ago, I was fed up with being told I needed more confidence, I had bad self esteem, I was too sensitive, I was a problem. I was in therapy because my then husband said I was getting in the way of his therapy. It was annoying and (like Instagram), puzzling. If I could have changed who I was in the confidence department, I would have, hence the terrible weekend workshop.
What I got, was not expected. The people, not the therapists, told me I was something different than I knew myself to be. That was a gift bigger than any I’ve ever been given, the necklace, also an awesome gift, reminded me of that. I lost it running my first marathon. It broke and fell off the chain.
I never found a sun charm as cool as the one we had all been given, I settled for a silver sand dollar to remind me that I belonged near the ocean. That’s what I still wear.
I think sometimes people need helpful compliments that tell them who they are.
Maybe everyone does. I try even to this day to do this. If I see something positive about someone, I try to articulate it as best I can and TELL them. It’s hard to see yourself.
I grew up in a family that didn’t see positives and certainly didn’t tell people if they did. Instead, my family was more like the social internet that points out failures or offers criticism. Uh yeah, no wonder I had limited self esteem.
It’s so much more helpful to say something kind and positive, or hear it, but I guess no one understood that back then. Even teachers mostly didn’t. Pointing out what’s incorrect, was more the method.
If only helpful encouraging mirrors could be held up. If only that could become a trend…
I think everyone needs a good social mirror. Again, kindness changed my life. It can do that.
Today I’m back at reel making again. Hows it going?
Well, hmmm. Has anyone said this to you? : “You need to find your niche and connect with them.” Uh yeah. I always agree whole heartedly. Yes, of course my niche…
It sounds so easy. You find your niche and create content for the people in it. Brand yourself and then everyone knows what you are. Sounds simple enough.
Who am I? What is my brand? What’s my niche? Who am I creating all these reels for? Oh man.
I do love how easy this is for some people. It’s how I know it’s possible. I just haven’t figured it out. It continues to puzzle me pretty much every day.
Here’s my story. I make a lot of art. In between everything else in life, I paint or draw or or or…
I do get that that is not, in itself very interesting. It certainly isn’t unique. I created some books, also done by millions of people before me. My feelings aren’t hurt over the non interest, but I am sooo curious. It’s like a puzzle that others have solved, which completely alludes me. And it’s driving me crazy! I wonder what I’m missing. I wonder this often.
My motivation? I want to be a good bet for a publisher. I want my Instagram account to be a decent reference and record of what art I’ve done and am doing. Likes and followers add weight and legitimacy. I think they do anyway. Meanwhile, I’m getting a little better at making these reels. I’m keeping that part light and fun. A learning by doing sort of thing.
Are you a leader or a follower?
It depends. Mostly I’m a great follower. When we traveled in two cars across the country I paid attention and never lost sight of the other car. G was a good leader. He always made sure there was enough space and time for two cars to pass or turn left. It was a good metaphor probably.
I’m not as good at keeping track of the other guy when I lead. Or, I get too caught up looking back.
When I was a kid, I was always begging to keep whatever stray dog or cat that followed me home. This was a regular enough occurrence that I can clearly remember at least five different animals that we kept because no owner could be located.
This happened to me:
The other day, a while ago actually, a boat washed up on the neighbors beach. The authorities decided that the neighbor could keep it because there was no known owner.
He assessed it and decided he didn’t want it. We were down looking at where his dock was going to go and he told G he could have it. They discussed the battered bottom and the hole. G said no, too much work. I was like free boat! YES PLEASE!
He later sold it to another guy who came to get it and decided no, and left.
When I was watching the dock being built while the neighbor was out of town. I took a better look at my boat. It’s sooo cute! I googled fixing the hole. It sounded do able. G was a big no. Too much work he said. Barnacles his mom said. I think it’s cute I said.
I like the patina.
Apparently that is not a thing with boats. Boat people want pristine unbattered freshly painted boats with no holes. Go figure.
I promised to do all the sanding and painting and patching myself. I felt like I was eight and bringing home a stay cat or dog again. Please please please can I have this boat?! All adults exchanging that look I remember so clearly, the one that says ‘not a good idea’.
I don’t care! I really really want my boat! It’s about to be my new art project…
List your top 5 favorite fruits.
Stone fruit: cherries, peaches, plums in season. I’ve been lucky to live where these come into season and can be found at roadside stands or picked from trees. I have good memories of climbing cherry trees as a kid, picking plums, making jam and bottling peaches.
Oranges. I’ve also had the privilege of an orange tree in my own back yard. There is nothing like the sweetness and flavor of an orange right off the tree or the smell of orange blossoms wafting in the air while I enjoyed my fresh picked orange. Everything happens at once on an orange tree, I didn’t always know this.
Berries are both beautiful and delicious. Plus they are known for their health benifits.
Avocados. Healthy and delicious with a little salt and fresh ground pepper.
Apples. Another seasonal favorite with some varieties that keep well and taste good all winter long
That’s five, but I like most all fruit, pomegranate, pears, figs, melon…
If you were wondering, The Brimtown Market was fun. It did rain for much of the day. There were giant puddles and lots of mud. We saw plenty of cool things, ate some good food and by the time we were back in CT, the sun was out. Everything is Ireland green here. The trees are lush and full. Only a few weeks ago most of them were bare branches. All this rain is doing a nice job..
I wonder if my momentum is waning
Maybe Im just tired. Probably nothing a good night sleep can’t solve.
I’ve been doing my best to stay upbeat. Working at different things. Painting and posting on instagram every day. Looking for what will feel joyful, positive, peaceful. I have watched over my energy and regulated as carefully as I can. Yoga has been working muscles I haven’t used in a while. Yard work too. All of these things have left me tired. There have been a few complicated matters…
I am the perfect before story. This moment. Earlier today I was so tired and sore I couldn’t get myself out of bed. I’m usually an early morning person, (which I easily forget on days like today). Ever have things start out like this?
Struggle. Ugh.
A Third day of rain is contributing to me feeling tired and more discouraged. I’m not thrilled with my painting, (that happens), I can’t log into my canva account, (also happens), my video effort didn’t capture what I was hoping it would. Its raining sideways and it’s cold. Our one plan to go to this outdoor antique fair is off the table due to weather. Oh man.
I have yoga thank goodness. I want the opposite of a fair weather friend. Maybe I need a rainy day crowd to hang out with in coffeeshops or somewhere cozy. Or something. What do people do when it rains without stopping for days? I wonder how I’ll shift my energy because I will at some point. I always do.
Somehow, I’m going to have to be my own sunshine today.
G was going all New England-y there for a moment not wanting to go to the fair in the rain, but he changed his mind. He told me I won’t like it. It will be miserable and muddy. (So still a bit of pessimistm) I guess I’ve been warned.
I am dressed, appropriately, (I hope). They warned me at yoga that everything will be over priced. (Yoga did include a lot of sun salutations anyway). I don’t mind. I’m not going to buy, I’m going to look and get out. I like following a bit of curiosity, even in the rain.
Let’s see if it’s terrible or not.
What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?
I could meditate more regularly.
Peace Kit