We are back and Spring is here. It’s a little cold, there was still frost on the grass this morning, but the day is sunny and beautiful. We are shopping for flowers. G and I are both artists. He loves to garden. I might, I’m about to find out. I know I love looking for plants! We both have an eye for landscaping and enjoy a big show of color.
Even as we drive, with leaves only starting to emerge on the trees, flowering bushes are everywhere! It a bonanza of color. You hear about the leaves in the New England Fall, but rarely do you hear about Springtime.
Its so beautiful. It’s a bit chilly, there’s some wind, but the sun is warm. There are patches of flowers everywhere! Blossoms on fruit trees, Pink flowering trees, that I don’t know the names of. Purple, yellow, pink bushes, do they even have leaves?
We filled the back of the jeep with tulips and pansies and a lilac bush. We hunted down the best prices in colors we could agree on. Our first big chore is to help with yard work. Planting and weeding and fertilizing. Between flowers and potential vegetables we are excited.
Blue skies, blue water around every bend, and green green grass. Planting season is about to start and from here, it looks like fun!
Last time we arrived just as summer was ending. The weather was warm. It rained, but there were plenty of sunny days left for us to enjoy. Fall didn’t disappoint. Beautiful displays of color, everywhere. Even with a record rainy month or two, we had some fun adventures. We also knew our usefulness in the overall situation.
Last time we arrived we didn’t know what to expect. I really didn’t, but we knew our help was needed.
Last time we arrived, I felt a little lost for a while. I wasn’t sure where I fit. I was an extreme newbie to the area and truly couldn’t wrap my head around a lot of the cultural mindset. Why were we watching the Red Sox lose night after night? We did all hear as they went from second to last to last place? Still we had to sit on the couch and watch every game to the end. There was disappointment each time they lost. I did know a little about Boston sports, but I guess not enough
The emphasis on work was another thing. It took me some time to figure out that it did not matter what you did or the speed of job completion, what mattered was staying busy. I think to win the game of life you just drag out all work so that there is no free time during daylight hours. morally this is the most correct. Free time should not exist during the day. Free time is for watching sports. After five o clock or possibly after landscaping chores are finished on a weekend. Work should not be enjoyed. That’s another thing. For it to count as work, you shouldn’t like it or try to be terribly efficient at it. I was the kid who hurried through everything so I could go play, no wonder this frustrated my parents
I had to learn that discussing worst case scenarios is common conversation. Solving is not the objective. Never offer hopeful suggestions. I have a feeling it might be rude. No one is looking for a problem solver. If you think of a solution, keep it to yourself, trust me,
Status quo. This goes along with the above mentioned. Change is not a welcome thing. Life can be lived as if no time has passed since 1972. A few things may throw wrenches into this practice, but for the most part, it’s preferable. Many things will not make sense even keeping that in mind, but it was good to remember as I navigated things like style and procedures.
Ah proceedure. I didn’t get too far in my understanding on this subject. Proccedures are a thing. People know them. I figured out that in order to learn you have to pay close attention. Proceedure is not explained, it seems both perplexing and ridiculous to the New Englander, to be asked about any of the many tasks I watched being carried out. Also, inconveniently, there is a correct way to do everything and anything short of that is wrong, and subject to ridicule. In the form of taunting, like grade school. I know.
Laughter and lightness. This will only be tolerated on sunny days and or after five, The bar scene can support a small measure of it, but don’t get carried away. Yoga people, some of them, can handle it, Quiet sarcasm is a good bet, you can laugh if it’s directed at you. Crying is not permitted. Be careful. If it’s not expected (from me), it might come off as serious. Feelings, though better not acknowledged, might get hurt. Off color humor? Best to go case by case with this one.
I have a small working understanding of how to exist in New England. It does fly in the face of most of my CA mindset. It’s no wonder they are suspicious of Californians. I’m no longer offended by this. We have altogether too much fun. Life is too light and way too fast. I appreciate the slower pace. I understand the seriousness of things. I get how weather and losing sports teams can really bring you down. When sunshine is in short supply, you appreciate it more and try not to waste a moment of it. I like how quality is important and good old fashioned pride plays out in the business world. Services and restaurants reflect this in a very good way.
When we arrived this time, Gs mom had fallen within two hours of our arrival. She wanted us to go directly to the house to check on her husband. He was extremely concerned. The neighbor brought her home from the ER before we even sat down. She was bruised but nothing broken. Much relief for all of us.
As the days continue we’ve had small and big tasks to help out with. I’m better at knowing what is and isn’t expected of me. Yard work has been fun so far. The area has only advanced in its charmingness. The excitement of Spring is contagious around here, which is fun. I mean, well, I think it’s fun. Much new work is on the horizon, so I’ll try not to get excited…Apparently I enjoyed cutting the lawn a little too much last year…
Plus, I decided to do something that I want to do. I started a new painting. It’s rough. It’s on a piece of wood I found in the attic, I found my paints, I set up my tripod, Im feeling inspired. This one thing changes everything for me.
Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.
I’m pretty sure something will come to mind.
I can think of a handful of funny, or wacky, but positive? Hmmm
They had these empty shelves…
Ok. When I was in Kenya the first time, I met a handful or young teenagers. It seemed that that age group was the most interested in me painting the giant mural. We were only there for a week. One of the girls I will always remember. She asked me about my family, my parents. I told her they had passed. She said, in the most compassionate way I’ve ever heard, “Oh you are an orphan like me.” My parents were older, and I didn’t think of myself as an orphan, but I saw how this had bonded her to me. She would often come over and take my hand and smile at me.
When it was time for us to leave, I asked her what she might want from America if I could send something back. She didn’t hesitate. “A book.”
A book.
I mentioned this to one of the retired teachers I was traveling with. She mentioned it to the other retired teacher. We had all been told in different ways that books were in short supply and that it was a universal want.
Before coming back, a book drive was organized by these two teachers. I shopped myself for books with strong women characters. That one young girl inspired a huge outpouring of giving. We brought enough books for two schools to have libraries and for every child to own their own book. Who doesn’t want to donate books to children? I never saw my young friend again.
My second trip was two years later. I searched and asked, but no one knew Shw was probably married was what I was told.
A random stranger who became my friend for a week, she doesn’t even know that she inspired two libraries, several very moving encounters over owning books and the kindest of literary generosity . I will never forget her.
I loved Margi. She was a talented artist with the right amount of confidence. She knew where she stood on every issue and she easily stood her ground if you didn’t agree. I met her years ago when we had studio spaces next to each other. The spaces were part of a building that had a little theatre. The theater company owned the building, and rented to us. We became the intermission entertainment. Eight or ten of us bonded. We were like family for years. For some of us it was our first art friend circle outside of college.
Margi, Crystal, Trish, Bill, Michael, Phylis, Laura, and Marsha. That was our core group, artists came and left, but our group was golden. Or so we thought. Slowly, over time, we all mostly drifted off and were replaced. Recently, the theatre was renovated, Margi was one of the last of the originals. The new building did not include spaces for artists studios, sadly.
Seeing all the artists from that time and later was sweet. Everyone associated with art hung out in one spot whether they knew each other or not A few strangler musicians joined as well. It made me think about artists hanging out on their mother ship, which artists don’t always do, but we should. A group of artists is funny. Used to being the one weird one in the crowd, it’s good to mingle and have someone genuinely interested in whatever unusual brush stroke or drawing technique you care about. It’s nice and only a little weird.
Margi wanted her ashes spread where wild horses run free. Hence my latest obsession with where wild horses are. I love this one detail so much
That was Margi, but it could be me or Crystal or any of us. We were all wild when we were turned loose inside our studio space.and maybe not so much during the other hours of the day. We sure did have some good laughs!
I woke up in the night after the memorial with the song by The Rolling Stones in my head. Just the one lyric over and over.
I thought about Margi and the little girl in first grade who wouldn’t stop coloring and myself and all the artists who I know and knew and love. All very different, but the one thing that we had in common was that. Wild horses couldn’t drag us away. Art for some of us is simply that big.
Margi is and will be missed. She was a force in the art world, truly in all of our worlds. She knew exactly how to be an artist. Among many other things, I always loved that about her.
Our travel days are long but short. Someone said to me when I had little kids that ‘the days are long but the years are short’ which in hindsight I totally see. This stretch of time is a sped up version of that. Sort of. Maybe not, but it’s how it feels because both of us are doing our best to play down our anxiety about returning to the adorable East coast town where we are heading, which makes the time go by annoyingly fast…
Stalling as much as we can, while knowing we are needed back there, so taking a direct route, but, it’s like that. Meanwhile enjoying the changing landscape and small towns we pass one after another. We’ve also looked for the healthiest most interesting places to stop and eat and stay. This has been more miss than hit, but that’s travel. We both appreciate the adventure of unknowns.
Cool old building
We have crisscrossed the county a few times, so it’s fun to take different routes, stay in places we’ve never heard of, see some of the country we haven’t already seen before.
Every so often we get a text from Gs mom, which triggers one or both of us to have a small panic attack, but generally we are chill. At least on the surface.
I watched an episode of a dog training show. They were working with a pet owner who was very calm and chill even though his dog was one everyone on the show was especially cautious around. He nearly bit several times. The dog they explained was protecting the owner and was anxious and vigilant about doing so. Somehow the dog sensed the guy’s fear under his facade of calm. ( I think animals are so interesting in how they cut through and know stuff )
The owner explained that he had been bitten pretty badly once, but being the man in the family had to give the sense that everything was ok. It was pointed out that sometimes we need to calmly assert ourselves. We need to calmly take charge when things are not right, especially in safety situations, and lead with calm confidence. My daughter was just talking about something like this with parenting. I have a little nagging feeling that this might be what is coming up next for me.
I have a not well defined role in this coming up scenario, so there’s no telling how any of this will go for me. My goal is to stay appreciative and busy and to honor my own preferences. Even when challenging, because erasing who I am can’t be an option.
Meanwhile, we are nearly through Columbus, Ohio, heading for Somerset, PA where I’m hoping to see something Amish. A farm maybe…
Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.
Well, this.
This whole year has been one long learning, growing adventure. It was a series of decisions that started with one, then another one. Finish the book. Move across the country to help Gs mom. Some decisions I made, some we made and some were made for us.
Isn’t that the way it goes? it’s kinda what I think I signed up for. Come to earth, experience a bunch of things, learn, grow, find the joy…repeat.
My daughter changed some things on my instagram account. She knows more than I ever will about that and she’s not even that into it.
I appreciate knowing and accepting this. I also appreciate all the help my kids offer me, because often I don’t even know what help to ask for.
Our worlds are so different. I have no wish to be younger and be in the thick of it, living in their worlds. I say worlds because every one of my kids has a different life, not just from me but also from one another. I remember being their ages. Even back then it was intense. I never had time to look around and enjoy life like I do now.
I am the opposite of a social media influencer. I don’t see how anyone would want my influence? I’m trying to mind my own business over here. Sure breathe and tell people about my books, but I dearly hope everyone is doing life the way they like. It’s taken me a whole lifetime to find some peace in doing things my own way.
My way is slower and much more meandering, likely way less efficient, but it’s mine. I can’t explain it or even defend it. I just have these books that kids and teachers love that I feel responsible for. Plus a drive I’ll never understand, to keep making stuff. Lately. I’m feeling like painting again…
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
My daughter in law called me up right after Christmas. She noticed there were some cheap flights on New Years Day. Did we want to come out? The kids were missing us…
When she called, we were parking at Yale hospital, and then walking in. When I mentioned it to G, still on the phone, he looked around as if to say “How ?!” Or maybe, “impossible!”
Hospital visits were a daily thing at that point. Cold gray New England winter had set in and we were all tired. Nothing was changing, I told her I would come. (a least I wasn’t needed at that point)
That one phone call, her generous invitation, set us on a whole different path . When we saw our patient that day, he was recovering well. For a guy who had nearly died twice in the last week, he was making a miraculous come back. They were going to transfer him to the closer hospital and from there to a rehab facility near home.
G saw his chance. He set out in the car before my plane took off. I jetted happily to the west coast.
One fortunate thing after another, kept us in California all winter. ALL winter! Thanks to my sweet son’s wife, and the miraculous set of circumstances that followed, plus some amazing friends, I got the best reprieve anyone could have ever asked for! G did too.
We are on our way to the East Coast. Yesterday was a weird day. After driving for hours through super windy Kansas, we made it to my daughter’s house.
One speeding ticket and a lost wallet later. This morning I woke up with a headache. And no coffee…
Already discombobulated, emotions were running high and I knew I needed something. I wasn’t sure what, but SOMETHING.
Later… ok coffee helped. A little Tylenol and I managed to find the wallet. G was on the phone to the bank. It had fallen into a spot under the seat that we both had checked at least a dozen times each. Caught on a metal lip that was barely wide enough to catch a wallet of it’s size and impossible to see from any direction. We had nearly given up. G told me later he already had.
After the stress had started to disapate, my head was feeling better and I could think again, I realized I was a little hungry. Sometimes it’s as easy as taking care of my physical needs. A little food and I’m good to go. Neither of us had slept well because of the lost wallet, so probably a good night sleep will be nice. I got a little walk in the sunshine, G went for a swim. Lots of quality time with the kids. I’d shake my fist at the confounded planet. Really Mercury? Instead, I trouble shoot as if it were any other crazy weird day in Kansas…
Peace Kit 