Today I found out that I’ll be staying in California through March. I’ve been unable to plan more than a day or two ahead since the beginning of January, before that everything revolved atound hospital visits, so this is interesting news. I’m still taking it in. I can maybe make a plan of some sort. I wonder what that will look like.

I wonder how much out of character I have become. It’s been a lot of bouncing around. I’ve had some moments on this journey, some days I feel like I’ve lost track of myself. I’ve had to slow down and remember what I want my life to be about because I believe that I get to at least decide that.

I just listened to some talks about query letter writing and dysregulation. I learned how they’ve found that dysregulating neurological affects can be returned to normal by taking some slow conscious breaths. I love that what my books are introducing to children is being backed up by the scientific community. It’s also interesting that I have so many real life moments to see the breathing work for kids, adults and myself.

The query letter is going to be challenging. I know this. It has to be perfectly executed. No typos obviously, but also compelling and on point. If I don’t manage to nail it, all is lost. If the agent is in any way turned off or not interested enough, my manuscript won’t be looked at, at all. It’s a pretty strong pass or fail.

My mock up has been weeks in the making. I’ve never run into a problem with this printer, but my patience is being stretched. I am a low priority, I guess? I have one other relationship where this has come up recently. It won’t be helpful to let that define my day so I won’t, but it’s feels a little discouraging.

Instead, I will look forward. I have ideas and options to consider, I’ m happy to have some planning to do.

I have some things to work on. I realize I have to put my own swing on this because otherwise I might lose my way. I am thankful for all the help and suggestions and ideas.

At the bottom of my blog s I’m going to put a QR code that when clicked on will ask if you want to open. It will then go directly to my first book on Amazon. Eventually there will be one for Beatrix as well. If anyone knows anyone who would enjoy a colorful picture book about breathing and feeling, it’s easy to find with the code.

I figure whatever I can learn on my first book, will make my second and third books better. My forth and fifth will be amazing. I have some ideas of what to also try next.

Blogging has been fun. I enjoy the WordPress community. I like writing. It’s interesting to look back and see my progress. I think I’ll be glad I recorded what I’m doing like this. It’s been a whole journey and it’s far from over.

Continue reading “After a small break”

Time to attach my phone to the tripod and work on some illustrations.

I have a little window of time. A space. Some art supplies. A tripod.

It’s a new day.

Time to give it another go.

Some days this feels like I’m not moving forward

The mock up has taken weeks and still isn’t printed. Another Friday with another reason why it’s not. The last email from them was confusing until I realized they didn’t read the instructions I sent off weeks ago. They are closed on the weekend.

Social media has me wondering. After several ‘Learn more’ clicks, I’m convinced that everyone just wants my email address and to sell me something that promises things it can’t possibly deliver. Want to lose weight? I need to eat more food?! For only $37 or $97 or $199 I can learn how to grow my business, write a blog, publish a book, sell my art, tone my muscles, become an affiliate marketer. It’s easy! So easy that I’m stupid not to be doing it. Only a few cicks and I can make thousands while I sleep, lose weight and tone up with a 12 minute workout once a week. One woman just said Im not eating enough carbs, vegetables don’t count, what I need is to eat bagels or muffins along with more fat in order to gain muscle. Another said if I’m craving sugar, it’s because I need to eat more sugar. Uh. My deep dive into trying to learn about this, is leaving me conflicted. And confused. And distracted. Does anyone wonder if any of this is factual? I guess no one cares about that.

What do they care about? I can’t tell. I don’t even know what I don’t know. My BS meter is getting a work out anyway.

I wrote Beatrix Betterfly after hearing about teens and preteens getting caught up in the filtered frenzy of trying to measure themselves against people they saw online. Many were discovering the magic of looking better than real and everyone else was buying it. This got worse during Covid because actual interactions were few and far between. How can anyone compare to a filtered well lit, carefully posed version of someone they see for five seconds online? Lots of kids were comparing their real faces with perfected almost cartoon versions of online faces. Eyelashes alone were out of control.

I wonder if anything on the internet is what it appears to be. There must be a few things. I need to sidestep this whole subject because I’m losing time worrying, when what I ought to be doing is brainstorming a new way, a new approach. Im not the first person to be deterred by the internet. Do I want to let it make me quit?

No I do not.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFC4DXT?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_8S5GX5BDHKXMS1BFWY1R&language=en-US

Why am I letting this get to me? How can I shake it off? I think what I have here today is a perfect opportunity to practice using my own tools.

What will make me feel just a tiny bit better? Have I meditated? Am I breathing consciously? Maybe I’m hungry…

Hmmm

I walked away and I fixed myself an egg on buttered toast and a cup of tea. Everyone has their comfort foods. This is a bit more than comfort for me, I used to make for my kids. Maybe you’ve seen it with the hole in the bread, they always loved the little toasted cutout piece. When I was a kid it was more no nonsence. Regular buttered toast with a poached or coddled egg. You actually eat it cut up as if you are still a toddler, too young to cut your own food. I’m acting like a baby (waaaa why do people keep unfollowing me…) I might as well eat like one.

After a fun trip to find something called ‘Guanciale’ and stopping at a new ice cream place. I’m enjoying another cup of tea and some painting time.

I’m already feeling better. I’m not sure why this one thing is so discouraging for me. I’m not sure about any of it right now, but it’s okay. I’ll take a little step back and do some things that are more fun and helpful, because regulation is important, and man, was I dysregulated!