What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
Asking for help. I know it’s not rational. I know it has roots in my upbringing. I even know it’s not helpful or evolutionary. I know that it’s not something most people are afraid of. Is it a phobia, like a recognized one with a name? I haven’t googled it.
I’m not going to address any of the whys or hows about my arrival here with this as my fear. I might be more afraid to jump out of and airplane, possibly not, but it’s close.
What would it take to get me to do it? Here’s the short answer: If I’m asking for something for someone I care deeply about and there is no other choice. Still painful, still frightening, but if a bear was attacking my child, I would override my fear and go after the bear. Is this a problem? Not the part about the bear.
I will almost never ask for help. If I have to, my mind will go directly to all the ways asking would be bad, (there are plenty of examples from my childhood)I then weigh out the risk/reward ratio and figure out how I can get around needing to ask.
I have nearly asked for help a number of times. Then not. I’m creative. I’m oddly motivated by my own irrational, fear.
I don’t want to, so I’m not going to. Complaining is a habit I’m trying to break. It has never served me
Once time my son and I both had had a bad day. Somehow we ended up with a cheese board and couple of glasses of wine and for some reason we started drinking to every bad thing that happened, every difficult person, every thing that went wrong. It turned into a very humerus rant of sorts. I just remembered that… It was so much better than complaining, we laughed our way out of our moods.
Next time I feel like complaining, I’m going to try to remember to drink to whatever’s bugging me. Here’s to grumpy cashiers and crappy weather! Cheers!
Every single thing I have ever wanted to do and more. I would live large. I would give generously to everyone I know and love. I would fund art and programs for children and families. I would help out wherever I can to give people a hand up, tools, hope, mental strength, and courage.
The world is changing fast. If I won the lottery, I would start a program in schools to teach children how to regulate and calm their minds so that they can show up confidently in every situation. To bouy and strengthen families for the most mental health and clarity possible so that this generation has the best advantage to meet and overcome challenge.
When I was younger, I wanted to change the world. You know, world peace and all that. Now, I see that the world IS always changing and really the best I can do is to meet it where it is with love, kindness and calm mindedness. I may not be able to change the whole wide world, but I can make a difference in my day to day interactions with others. I can smile. I can be helpful. I can be kind. I can have a generous spirit and show up joyfully.
Which is what I would absolutely do a whole lot more of, when I won the lottery…
I’m reading a great book, or at least trying to. I really really want to read this one.
I’m a reader. I love books. I’ll read practically anything. From textbooks to novels to memoirs to packaging to transcripts to google, you name it, I’ll read what’s in front of me. I love being a part of this Information Age. Ah the era of technology and Wikipedia. When I was a little kid I would read encyclopedias and dictionarys. I didn’t remember everything, but I loved taking in knowledge. I still do. At this age I know enough to know not to believe everything I read or hear, since it can get all so conflicting at times, but yeah, just another geeky thing.
This cell book, oh my, it’s so fascinating! Our cells THINK. They decide. They are intelligent. They are capable. They perform so many functions. Here we are going along, without a thought about what our cells are up to and here they are, every day working in perfect harmony with each other all for us! It’s a whole microcosm of trouble shooting and restoration and growth. Our cells are keeping us alive even if they get the opposite of help from us. They don’t care. They have simple/complicated jobs and they do their best, thwarted or not, to do them.
Yes, I have been marveling at my cells! I’m barely a few chapters in and I’m amazed at how far scientists have come in their knowledge and abilities regarding just the tiny cell. The microscope had to be invented, mitochondrial had to be discovered, invetro, was once not possible. Now we are learning more and more about cells and I am loving learning about all these things and more. I love that my cells are independently intelligent! Something cool that I am lucky to be grateful for.
Oh fun? I always want that! I kinda try to make most things fun. It might be one of my priorities.
When my kids were little and life was extra challemging, I usually came up with a way to move through things without an emphasis on drudgery. I’ve never been a fan of struggle. Even when we were technically struggling, I wanted to keep it light, emphasize the good, stay upbeat for my kids. Now I do it for me.
Celebrating everything, finding humor, laughing. Making it through the week for example was cause for popcorn and a movie night. We played games, had special foods, listened to music, wished on everything,, danced, ran, anything I could think of.
I do most things like shopping, cleaning, cooking, exercising, you name it, with the intent to make it a little fun. Everything is different. Fun takes some thought and maybe extra time and creativity. It’s not everyone’s thing, but I care about it, so I give it my attention. I have always looked for it.
I hope you don’t get the wrong idea. I might not be being clear. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon or really any notable advantages, more like the opposite, but I was born with this odd sunny side. Without any positive-thinking roll models whatsoever, I somehow came out with a strong wanting for positivity. When it came up, I relished it. When it disappeared, I knew it would come back.
Fun never lets me down. Play always restores me. Too much seriousness and worry can weigh on me. It can drag me to low places I’d rather not dwell. I appreciate people who can withstand or even thrive on stress and concern. I love a no-nonsense personality, I’ve just known myself long enough to know I’m not one. I might actually thrive on nonsence, (something I may not have been able to admit when I was younger). Oh I’ve been serious. I’ve worked very hard at it. I’ve had plenty to be serious about, I just feel better with some fun thrown it.
One time my son got hit in the head by it a rock. (a kid threw it at him, they were little, they were boys). Blood actually sprayed out of his gash and it was obvious he needed stitches. Towel held to his head, but not wanting to panic my own kids or the others, we all piled in the car and dashed to the ER as if it was a cool unexpected field trip. My kids still tell the story as if it was a fun childhood memory. The young nurse had to leave the room when the towel came off and blood squirted across the room. The doctor tried to scarce me with worse case scenarios, but I refused to give my happy bleeding three year old anything to panic about. If it was going to be terrible I would deal without kids watching. Meanwhile they were hungry. MacDonald’s was a rare treat for them so Mac Donald’s was a big part of their fun memory. Stiches, French fries, head X-rays and fun…
If you could un-invent something, what would it be?
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
Feeling loved is interesting. A Positive example of feeling loved. Hmmm. Is there a non positive version? I would say that I am probably always loved, but I don’t always feel it. (Or know it). Maybe there is also the possibility of love being so all encompassing, that it’s easy to take for granted. Which then may take a special moment to really hit and become memorable. I wonder…
If I’m paying attention, I have daily positive examples. If I’m not, other things get my attention and I miss what’s most important. It’s that brain thing, where if you are in the habit of noticing, say a white jeep, white jeeps seem to be everywhere. If you aren’t, they are just another car on the road. I wonder if that’s part of how some people end up feeling loved and others don’t. Partly anyway.
When my kids were born I remember thinking that I wanted them to feel so loved that it would be like breathing oxygen. So loved that they never had to ever wonder if they were or not. I was, like many new parents, trying to out do my own childhood..
Now I wish I’d also trained them to look for love evidence, because seeing positives is a good way to self regulate. I find if I can see more of the good and also see more evidence of love and positivity in my life (or in the world), I am better. I show up better, calmer, more myself. When I let my brain sort and focus on the opposite, I don’t do as well. Its good to have my recticular activating system working in my favor.
I feel loved right now. I’m sitting with my husband as he searches for something to watch on tv. We spent a stretch of the day outside in the rain watching baseball tryouts for a nine year old who has never played baseball before and then more time in the rain watching the Kids for Peace Kindness Matters kickoff. Now sitting here, hot tea in hand, next to my husband, I feel loved, warm, contented.
I am teaching myself to look specifically for these kinds of moments, proving to myself that it’s never too late to program my brain to notice more and more positive life examples. Feeling loved is a big one. I know I can always use a little more of that feeling. Funny that I never knew the step of looking for evidence of what I want to see more of. It’s a good regulation trick that I’m still learning.
I think I’m tired. Maybe not physically, in fact physically I should be rested. I’ve been sleeping well, doing a lot of gentle yoga and meditating. Beach walks, catching up with friends etc.
It’s my mind that is all over the place. With so much happening at once, I have a LOT to think about. Places to be, people to contact, tasks to complete. All without much of an idea of how long I’ll be here in California. This might be the strangest leg of the journey that is my life, yet.
Back East, winter storms are raging. Our dock was wiped out. Our patient has taken a good turn and is home after months in hospitals following his unexpected surgery, among other things. All seems well with him, so we are extending our stay and adjusting our plans with each glowing report.
Maybe it’s because my mind seems to be in over drive lately that I am enjoying and keep looking forward to the twenty minute white noise meditation that my friend has included me in every morning . It’s a great challenge to quiet and settle my thoughts. It is worth every minute of effort, for the little spans of stillness I am able to achieve.
As an added bonus, my thoughts are slowly, gradually changing into helpful, inspiring ideas during that twenty minute period. I feel my worry thoughts dropping off a little which should be impossible. I would have expected the opposite.
You hear how important and good meditation can be. I have tried countless different sorts over the years with varying results. I wonder. Is my mind suddenly more hungry for peace? Is white noise my personal ticket? I really couldn’t tell you why I’m so taken with my friends version of meditating. I need to continue this on my own somehow.
I’ve had a few memorable road trips. My first book tour was fun, lots of trips back and forth to Canada, this last trip driving the jeep across the country, driving across Kenya to the safari place, (our guide got lost, our bridge washed away, we got stuck in the mud in the pouring rain, AND we got a flat tire, all happened on one long ride, that was pretty memorable! but MOST memorable is the Kindness Bus tour we went on for the Kids For Peace annual Kindness Matters event.
This might get a little long because I don’t want to leave out the best parts.
G and I painted the yellow school bus, blue. I painted murals on all four sides and on the top. One day we were sitting with Jill, founder and director of KfP and she wondered out loud about who would drive the bus. G said Kelly could do it. Fearless oldest son, he might have been half kidding, but it was true. Jill suddenly serious asked if we could ask him.
That’s how it all started. Kelly agreed if he could bring his family along. We all flew to New York in January. Jill and I, Kelly, Marion , kids… We had shipped the bus ahead and had to pick it up in New Jersey. Having never driven it before, with only a few pointers about breaking, Kelly drove into Manhattan toward Times Square. We had to find parking because the following morning we would be appearing on Good Morning America. If you’ve ever tried to park in the busy areas of the city, you might have an idea of the complexity of parking a giant school bus anywhere near Times Square. We circled the area. At one point we looked out and there was Kelly’s wife and three little ones walking. He blew the horn. Their surprised faces (along with the rest of crowds on the sidewalk ) were comical.
Probably the fifth or sixth parking lot owner after hours of driving around and being turned away, heard our story and said he knew a guy. We were able to park within walking distance to our hotel and GMA. An honest to goodness New York miracle
GMA in the wee hours of that cold January morning was quick, painless, and over before we knew it. Kindness week is a global annual event which grows larger every year. Over 19 million kids participate. Originally designed for schools, they later added a family version. There is a checklist of kind acts to do for the week. The list was made up by a classroom of children, so color hearts and hand them to people is one example. Play a board game with an elderly person was another. Our goal was to do everything on the list stopping at key locations to spread the message of kindness.
There we were, eight kids ages 2 to 15, Four adults on the road to Washington DC to the Peace headquarters (they have one).to do a planned kindness project. After the peace place, there was just enough time to see the Lincoln memorial which was a long walk for little legs, but it was worth the extra effor, because it was there that we started to see the effects of our kindness crusade. Tired and a little cranky as we started up the steps, there were suddenly a lot of people to hand hearts to. As each person looked down with surprise and then a smile, I saw the kids perk up and bound happily up the stairs, paper hearts and smiling people all around.
And so began the most unexpected series of kind acts turning into loving sweet interactions.
We saw people of all ages, in town after town, change in a second. We saw grouchiness fall away. Frowns become big genuine smiles. Sceptics and eye rollers turn into friends. We saw kindness melt hearts right before our eyes and felt the warmth of one loving sweet moment after another.
It was a phenomenon that no one, not even Jill could have predicted. The sweet energy that seemed to be with us from that day on, was palatable. On the day we were scheduled to ‘’play board games with the elderly’’ it was raining, some things had happened, we were late. They were concerned about getting to lunch on time. Some of the residents we not looking pleased about us interrupting their day. Our group, going in looked apprehensive. Who would have guessed that it would turn out to be one of the best days and sweetest interactions of all different ages and personalities.
Differences were quickly forgotten as games and conversation and laughter, even tears of joy filled that one community room. Marion bravely struck up a friendship with the most annoyed looking of the group. when I looked over, there she was with baby Rose chatting away while he smiled and chuckled with them, proving once again that no one was immune to kindness. G showed up with the grand dog, (he had elected to drive himself and meet us, rather than drive the full way on the bus). The no dogs rule dissolved when he arrived and he and Stone were additional love and kindness and even a little more fun. Lunch was late, no one wanted us to leave, we didn’t want to leave…
When the tour was officially over, we still had to get the bus back to California. We caravaned just our family. Everyone else had flown back. We stopped in Sedona. Still wearing our yellow Kindness Matters tshirts we drew a small crowd of curiosity. We were tired. We gave the briefest of explanations, but then people were thanking us, people were excited about the kindness challenge, one woman insisted on giving me her earrings. It was an interesting wrap to an extraordinarily memorable tour. The road trip, permeated with kindness energy, continued all the way home…
Kindness doesn’t only matter, it affects us deeply. It changes minds and moods in a moment. Kindness opens people up to other people. I’ve witnessed many examples of it’s moving power, as I’m sure we all have.
Once again GMA will be featuring the Kids for Peace The Great Kindness Challenge. Tomorrow Jill will be on the show. Saturday is the official kick off. If you want more information go to kidsforpeqce.org. Or just google Kids for Peace.
Peace Kit 