Write about your first computer.

It was a terrible beige color. It was huge. It was an eye sore. They were doing talk shows about why computers were dangerous and threatening to family values and I had a young family. There were games I had no interest in. I wasnt a fan for decorating and aesthetic reasons. Plus I couldn’t get it to do anything useful. You needed computer science classes…

Fast forward to now. I LOVE all my computers! How would I ever live without them?!

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Asking for help. I know it’s not rational. I know it has roots in my upbringing. I even know it’s not helpful or evolutionary. I know that it’s not something most people are afraid of. Is it a phobia, like a recognized one with a name? I haven’t googled it.

I’m not going to address any of the whys or hows about my arrival here with this as my fear. I might be more afraid to jump out of and airplane, possibly not, but it’s close.

What would it take to get me to do it? Here’s the short answer: If I’m asking for something for someone I care deeply about and there is no other choice. Still painful, still frightening, but if a bear was attacking my child, I would override my fear and go after the bear. Is this a problem? Not the part about the bear.

I will almost never ask for help. If I have to, my mind will go directly to all the ways asking would be bad, (there are plenty of examples from my childhood)I then weigh out the risk/reward ratio and figure out how I can get around needing to ask.

I have nearly asked for help a number of times. Then not. I’m creative. I’m oddly motivated by my own irrational, fear.

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t want to, so I’m not going to. Complaining is a habit I’m trying to break. It has never served me

Once time my son and I both had had a bad day. Somehow we ended up with a cheese board and couple of glasses of wine and for some reason we started drinking to every bad thing that happened, every difficult person, every thing that went wrong. It turned into a very humerus rant of sorts. I just remembered that… It was so much better than complaining, we laughed our way out of our moods.

Next time I feel like complaining, I’m going to try to remember to drink to whatever’s bugging me. Here’s to grumpy cashiers and crappy weather! Cheers!

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Everything.

Every single thing I have ever wanted to do and more. I would live large. I would give generously to everyone I know and love. I would fund art and programs for children and families. I would help out wherever I can to give people a hand up, tools, hope, mental strength, and courage.

The world is changing fast. If I won the lottery, I would start a program in schools to teach children how to regulate and calm their minds so that they can show up confidently in every situation. To bouy and strengthen families for the most mental health and clarity possible so that this generation has the best advantage to meet and overcome challenge.

When I was younger, I wanted to change the world. You know, world peace and all that. Now, I see that the world IS always changing and really the best I can do is to meet it where it is with love, kindness and calm mindedness. I may not be able to change the whole wide world, but I can make a difference in my day to day interactions with others. I can smile. I can be helpful. I can be kind. I can have a generous spirit and show up joyfully.

Which is what I would absolutely do a whole lot more of, when I won the lottery…

What books do you want to read?

I’m reading a great book, or at least trying to. I really really want to read this one.

I’m a reader. I love books. I’ll read practically anything. From textbooks to novels to memoirs to packaging to transcripts to google, you name it, I’ll read what’s in front of me. I love being a part of this Information Age. Ah the era of technology and Wikipedia. When I was a little kid I would read encyclopedias and dictionarys. I didn’t remember everything, but I loved taking in knowledge. I still do. At this age I know enough to know not to believe everything I read or hear, since it can get all so conflicting at times, but yeah, just another geeky thing.

This cell book, oh my, it’s so fascinating! Our cells THINK. They decide. They are intelligent. They are capable. They perform so many functions. Here we are going along, without a thought about what our cells are up to and here they are, every day working in perfect harmony with each other all for us! It’s a whole microcosm of trouble shooting and restoration and growth. Our cells are keeping us alive even if they get the opposite of help from us. They don’t care. They have simple/complicated jobs and they do their best, thwarted or not, to do them.

Yes, I have been marveling at my cells! I’m barely a few chapters in and I’m amazed at how far scientists have come in their knowledge and abilities regarding just the tiny cell. The microscope had to be invented, mitochondrial had to be discovered, invetro, was once not possible. Now we are learning more and more about cells and I am loving learning about all these things and more. I love that my cells are independently intelligent! Something cool that I am lucky to be grateful for.

List five things you do for fun.

Oh fun? I always want that! I kinda try to make most things fun. It might be one of my priorities.

When my kids were little and life was extra challemging, I usually came up with a way to move through things without an emphasis on drudgery. I’ve never been a fan of struggle. Even when we were technically struggling, I wanted to keep it light, emphasize the good, stay upbeat for my kids. Now I do it for me.

Celebrating everything, finding humor, laughing. Making it through the week for example was cause for popcorn and a movie night. We played games, had special foods, listened to music, wished on everything,, danced, ran, anything I could think of.

I do most things like shopping, cleaning, cooking, exercising, you name it, with the intent to make it a little fun. Everything is different. Fun takes some thought and maybe extra time and creativity. It’s not everyone’s thing, but I care about it, so I give it my attention. I have always looked for it.

I hope you don’t get the wrong idea. I might not be being clear. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon or really any notable advantages, more like the opposite, but I was born with this odd sunny side. Without any positive-thinking roll models whatsoever, I somehow came out with a strong wanting for positivity. When it came up, I relished it. When it disappeared, I knew it would come back.

Fun never lets me down. Play always restores me. Too much seriousness and worry can weigh on me. It can drag me to low places I’d rather not dwell. I appreciate people who can withstand or even thrive on stress and concern. I love a no-nonsense personality, I’ve just known myself long enough to know I’m not one. I might actually thrive on nonsence, (something I may not have been able to admit when I was younger). Oh I’ve been serious. I’ve worked very hard at it. I’ve had plenty to be serious about, I just feel better with some fun thrown it.

One time my son got hit in the head by it a rock. (a kid threw it at him, they were little, they were boys). Blood actually sprayed out of his gash and it was obvious he needed stitches. Towel held to his head, but not wanting to panic my own kids or the others, we all piled in the car and dashed to the ER as if it was a cool unexpected field trip. My kids still tell the story as if it was a fun childhood memory. The young nurse had to leave the room when the towel came off and blood squirted across the room. The doctor tried to scarce me with worse case scenarios, but I refused to give my happy bleeding three year old anything to panic about. If it was going to be terrible I would deal without kids watching. Meanwhile they were hungry. MacDonald’s was a rare treat for them so Mac Donald’s was a big part of their fun memory. Stiches, French fries, head X-rays and fun…

If you could un-invent something, what would it be?

The leaf blower.

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

Feeling loved is interesting. A Positive example of feeling loved. Hmmm. Is there a non positive version? I would say that I am probably always loved, but I don’t always feel it. (Or know it). Maybe there is also the possibility of love being so all encompassing, that it’s easy to take for granted. Which then may take a special moment to really hit and become memorable. I wonder…

If I’m paying attention, I have daily positive examples. If I’m not, other things get my attention and I miss what’s most important. It’s that brain thing, where if you are in the habit of noticing, say a white jeep, white jeeps seem to be everywhere. If you aren’t, they are just another car on the road. I wonder if that’s part of how some people end up feeling loved and others don’t. Partly anyway.

When my kids were born I remember thinking that I wanted them to feel so loved that it would be like breathing oxygen. So loved that they never had to ever wonder if they were or not. I was, like many new parents, trying to out do my own childhood..

Now I wish I’d also trained them to look for love evidence, because seeing positives is a good way to self regulate. I find if I can see more of the good and also see more evidence of love and positivity in my life (or in the world), I am better. I show up better, calmer, more myself. When I let my brain sort and focus on the opposite, I don’t do as well. Its good to have my recticular activating system working in my favor.

I feel loved right now. I’m sitting with my husband as he searches for something to watch on tv. We spent a stretch of the day outside in the rain watching baseball tryouts for a nine year old who has never played baseball before and then more time in the rain watching the Kids for Peace Kindness Matters kickoff. Now sitting here, hot tea in hand, next to my husband, I feel loved, warm, contented.

I am teaching myself to look specifically for these kinds of moments, proving to myself that it’s never too late to program my brain to notice more and more positive life examples. Feeling loved is a big one. I know I can always use a little more of that feeling. Funny that I never knew the step of looking for evidence of what I want to see more of. It’s a good regulation trick that I’m still learning.

What is your favorite animal?

Or who

A certain dog