Share what you know about the year you were born.

A lot happened. And then at the end, I was born. And misplaced…

I resurfaced toward the end of February. My parents took me in and later that next year, adopted me.

Those were my humble beginnings. Much was going on in music and in politics. It was a busy year. Weird that there is no record of where I was for most of three months.

Are you a good judge of character?

Hopefully good enough. I’m gullible to a point, but then I just feel weird if someone seems questionable.

Strange prompt for the day, but at least it’s a quickly answerable question. Back to family and eating. I hope you are all having a nice holiday.

When are you most happy?

I’m the most happy in the mornings. When I’m with people I love. When I’m doing something meaningful or fun. When I think about any of these things. Happiness is a state. It comes and goes. It can be influenced by events. It can be influenced by my own thoughts. I love bumping as much happiness into a day as I can. I would say that happy is a comfortable state for me. I dearly enjoy being happy.

I say this because I’ve seen the opposite. Haven’t we all been around people who prefer another state? It’s ok. Energy is energy. Nothing to judge, everyone is entitled to their preferences. Seriousness is important too.

In my life, Im grateful for every light smiley mood that comes along!

What was the last thing you did for play or fun?

Let’s see

Fun… I remember fun.

Probably the last time I had fun was with the kids. We always end up having some kind of fun together. Even when we are trying to calm down and wind down before bed. Kids know how to make anything fun. Even telling funny stories from their dads growing up years or mine.

A bean bag, a box of crayons, a stick. Games come out of nowhere and everywhere. One time I happened upon my son’s family at the beach. I was walking and had some extra time. Somehow the kids and I started pretending to be cavemen (people). There was a cave-like spot under the stairs. We built a pretend fire and pretend fished and pretended to invent sushi. We even found burnt wood and drew ‘cave paintings’. This game changed into pretend crossing the prairie in a covered wagon and getting cholera and rabies. Kids love tragedy and calamity. They love saving each other. We pretended some very elaborate storylines for years. Every time I saw the kids after that, they would all beg to play cave people.

I knew it wouldnt last forever, but the golden time of pretend play left me with some sweet fun memories.

We also used to play a version of tag they called Monster. We played this at the park for years. The person who is ‘it’ is the monster. As each person is tagged they also become monsters and help catch who ever is left. We often ended up with extra kids at the park playing too. It was always fun. Nothing like running around, up and through playground equipment to stir up some fun.

One time I read that you do everything for a first time and a last time. I thought about that one of the last times we played Monster. I knew my oldest was aging out of park play. Growing up is something everyone has to do. Necessary, inevitable, but a bit sad for this grandma.

List your top 5 grocery store items.

Vegetables and fruit, butter and olive oil , cream and coffee, grass fed meat and fish, spices

Five itiems do not a grocery list make. Even as categories, I couldn’t choose that sparsely. One thing we don’t buy at a grocery store anymore is bread. Bread these days, is full of bad oils, sugar, corn syrup, and preservatives. We look hard to find a bakery that sticks to the basics and uses organic flour (since who wants glyphosates). If I could, I think I would go back to baking bread myself. I used to when my kids were young. I was spoiled with a special local wheat that was harvested in small batches and I ground myself. Which made the flour warm and perfect for rising yeast. I baked an extra loaf to eat right out of the oven (when they say, it’s not proper to eat yet) Well, rule breaker that I was and am, we ate it hot with butter and local honey and one whole loaf was barely enough for four kids smelling the good smell of baking bread all morning long. It was always devoured. In those old hippi days, nothing said ‘health nut mother’ like grinding wheat and baking bread. It was also delicious. If you were to buy whole wheat flour back then, it tasted awful. I was channeling Alice Waters, in my quest for deliciousness, health, yes, but always, I cared deeply about flavor.

Describe positively in your life.

On this, the shortest day of the year, the longest darkest night of the winter. The day and night which proceed the beginning of going towards more daylight and less darkness.

On this special magical day, so many long years ago, I became a mother. My daughter arrived nearly three weeks early. Healthy, beautiful and tiny. I was in no way prepared for my world to be rocked so completely. Some things cannot be explained beforehand and this was one of them.

Nothing about who I am is the same as it was before I stepped into the role. It caused me to become someone I never planned to be. Talk about impact. This one tiny human gave me the gift of me. I did lose myself completely only to find out who I actually am.

It defined what I care about. To this day, it defines me, my values, my hopes, my dreams. Everything.

I suddenly wanted to give something better than I had. I still want better for the generations coming up. I grew up in a world of criticism instead of encouragement. Parents worried that children would become big headed,spoiled and greedy. I guess that’s why I grew up thinking I couldn’t do anything right. But not spoiled or big headed…

Leaving me with a very sure desire to raise my children with a strong sense of confidence and ability. This caused me to do a lot of research. Yes. I conducted my own behavioral experiment and once I got going, I never stopped.

I want all children to have the gift of calmly walking up to challenges with surety and courage.

I believe it can be a gift for all and I’m committed to sending tools out into the world for everyone. Life will never be perfect. Our children have different challenges. The internet hadn’t been invented, but now that it has, it tugs hard at everything and everyone. Kids are still vulnerable.

It isn’t lost on me that the gift of what I felt was missing in my upbringing, has driven me to make things better for not just my own family, but for everyone in the world. It’s a gift that has spanned lifetimes and generations. A gift that has inspired love and passion, three, going on four books, a whole beautiful life.

That’s an impactful gift of a person for which I’m am utterly grateful.

(I found this post in my drafts file. I thought it was already published long ago. I find it interesting all that’s happened since I wrote this) My life is again not what I pictured one year ago.

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

Ha! No.

I’m in one of those life situations that I never saw coming. After most of five months, I still wake up and wonder how I got here.

I can’t think too much about the whys or the hows. This is perfectly the way it all has to be. For now. I hold onto the hope that everything will improve and morph into something wonderful. For today, I need to only be grateful for the moments that get me through the harder things. Remembering to smile and appreciate everything single thing that I can.

This being a fairly typical family happening, aging parents and all, you may wonder how I was sure I wouldn’t be living any of this, personally.

First of all, my parents passed away many long years ago. They seemed old, but weren’t compatibly. In Gs family, he wasn’t the one being groomed for this caretaking role. He had left the area decades before anyone was old. Two of his brothers lived nearby, up until very recently.

A year ago tomorrow, the son of these ailing elderly parents passed. G is the step son. His other bother, also a step, somehow became more and more estranged over the years. So when G came out to help with the late timed and not really planned memorial, he saw firsthand how things were playing out. When he came back, he just said, I have to go help my mom.

And so we packed up, sold everything else, and drove from one coast to the other.

The universe has a way of sending for people and setting up circumstances at just the right time. The step father went downhill immediately. We have since spent most days in and out of some sort of medical drama ever since. If that isn’t enough, we have the most up close seat for all the painstaking elderly moments of Gs mom. Watching her navigate has been a full education. I am thankful for compassion and all the little things that have made this experience manageable.

It’s a lot. There are many things that barely make sense, but it is what is. And I have to accept it all as it unfolds. I’ve learned that for many parts, there are no explanations. I’ve learned that aesthetics aren’t a thing for many people’s lives and if they are, I might not see it. If my eye is offended, Im quite alone. In fact it reminds me of Alice in Wonderland a little. All of it some eventual lesson or lessons I’m learning.

Short answer? Last year, while enjoying the warmth of the season with my family, I only hoped for more good times and more togetherness, really more of the same great stuff. I had a wonderful life that I now miss. I never, in a million years, would have predicted that I’d be looking at a Christmas like this one. Or that I would be struggling to be cheerful in a pretty cheerless situation. Truly, it’s not all bad. Challenging. Interesting. Different.

I’ve had many lovely New England moments. I’ve had plenty of hours to work on my books and plenty of surprising fun with beauty sprinkled in. This is an experience. It’s life unfolding. It’s my life now.

What skills or lessons have you learned recently?

Regulation

This has been a good year to learn and relearn different ways to re regulate. Understanding that I won’t ever stay in a state of regulation is a helpful lesson. It’s bad enough to land in a state of dysregulation, but getting upset over being in a different state, makes it worse by far. Knowing that I don’t have to figure out what went wrong is important. Its also good to remember that I won’t stay dysregulated for long.

I’m glad to know that there’s a little magic in Gratitude, that if I can find some things to name that I’m thankful for, I’ll probably feel better. Honestly, just remembering to breathe and take care of myself when I feel out of sorts, cuts down on time spent suffering.

I liked learning that I can influence whatever state I’m in. I can make the good, bigger and the bad, smaller. I like the lessons that help me be easier on myself and drop into a comfortable flow of calm confidence, faster. Helping myself spend even a little more time regulated is a gift.

As I move through all the steps of finishing my book, I’m grateful for the expanded learning process I wasn’t expecting. When I’m really off, breathing some long slow breaths, is still my best default move. Glad all these years later, my books still prove true. Simple and helpful.