Lightness

What’s the first impression you want to give people?

Interesting prompt question. What do I want people to remember about me when they walk away from a first meeting? Hmmm. Let’s see.

I like when I walk away from an encounter with another and think :that was fun! So maybe I would like to leave an impression of lightness. I want to leave the other feeling a comfortable and happy energy.

I just spent an afternoon and evening with four of my grandkids. All of them have their own way of leaving me feeling like that. Later I had some moments with my daughter in laws and son. (we were helping decorate some birthday cookies and cup cakes). In separate conversations we ended up laughing so hard we could hardly get words out.( it may have had to do with too much sugar and the late hour) but laughter and lightness leaves me walking away thinking :well that was fun!

It’s not always laughter. Two days ago my son was talking to me about AI. He had a little experiment in which he interviewed me using questions compiled by AI around the topic of my book and why I wrote it. When he mentioned that it would be recorded, I was less interested, but it turned into an interesting conversation and we were both like hey, that was fun!

My oldest grand daughter loves trivia. She likes being tested on it. She stops me every so often and says I could do this for hours so if you get bored we can stop. I laugh and say I love asking her questions that I can’t even answer! In between chatting with the group we keep up the questions. Down the elevator to the car, back to the game room, we keep the questions going (I’m reading them off an app.)

That was fun!

So that’s my answer. Im not a comedian, but I love laughter, I love light, I love some fun thinking conversation. I genuinely want others to walk away feeling a tiny bit (or much) happier. Seen, heard, and part of the fun!

Polyvagal nerve and other hopeful science

I’m jetting west toward my family in CA. It’s been nearly a full day of travel already.

I still have most of six hours to go, five hours in, I’ve been entertaining myself by reading samples of books I might like to one day read.

I love this option on iBooks. I have several vagus nerve, parasympathetic scientisticy choices as well as trauma regulation research choices also. This subject interests me because it’s a hopeful topic.

As they learn more about regulating a nervous system, there are more and more answers. They are finding that trauma can be met with helpful, productive responses. By understanding the bigger picture, the more whole picture, by understanding that positive interactions can have a hand in regulation, and that giving adults ways to regulate will help them help children to regulate also. It’s good news because traumas will not stop happening, traumas have happened, but research has shown that with knowledge and understanding, no one has to stay in a dysregulated state.

I’ve heard the tough-guy-tough-love-don’t-address the subject approach. I get it. It’s a painful topic. It’s also a big issue, maybe too big and too complicated to digest. Even so, I feel like its good to break it into small portions so we can begin to turn the tide. It might be good to shine some light and unbury some things. It may be that we ourselves are in need of some self love, some inner compassion, some advancements in our own ability to self regulate. (Me me and me)

I’m glad this subject is being normalized lately. The blame of yesteryear is slowly giving way to compassion. It’s no secret that trauma is often multi generational. Many people were parented by ill-parented parents. Some are doing their best to parent right now. No one needs to point fingers or blame. Parenting is maybe the hardest job in the world. Tools, self love, regulation practices, community involvement, kindness, compassion, understanding by teachers, other students, parents and community members can absolutely turn the tide for anyone on the other side of trauma.

It’s a topic dear to my heart because I’ve recently realized that I need these tools. I need to continually regulate and re regulate, I hadn’t understood until recently that for years I’ve been a student of this. I was searching for a permanent solution, but somehow my realization of the impermanence of states has opened up a greater understanding and a more hopeful knowledge of the headway that can be made. Even more lovely is that as we regulate ourselves we can’t help but be regulating for others. It’s a gift inside a gift.

I want to always help make things better. I love knowing that as I make things better for me, I might make things better for you too (and I hope for as many others as possible). It helps me to know that going in and out of a regulated state is what we do and that we actually have a little power over it.

I wrote this post for me today. Sometimes it’s helpful for me to remember what my breathing books are really about and why they feel important.

Skip this? I shouldn’t…

What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?

I don’t TRY to skip any part, but if I’m side tracked or in a hurry, I might skip meditation. It happens

In fact, I just set my phone down and meditated, because this particular morning might get hectic.

Opening up 20 minutes might sound impossible, but like the hour I find for yoga or to work out, it is time that gives back, always.

That old should word again. I hear this, I ‘should’ do yoga, I ‘should’ meditate, people say it all the time. People also say, I should eat better when they see me eating something healthy, I used to feel guilty for making them feel guilty, but here’s what I’ve learned. Doing yoga, meditating , and eating healthy nourishing food are their own reward. They make me feel good. That’s why.

If I skip, I pay. I know this well

There was this movie called Amistad. The line that I will never forget is something like

“What is should ?! we have no word in our language for should, you either do something or you don’t do it.” This sounds amazing with an African accent (most things do actually)

But right there, that’s gold, because it’s true. You do it or you don’t do it. End of story Then it’s in the past. And who cares. Unless you suffer, but by then it’s too late. Luckily we get to try again

Important people

Who is the most famous or infamous person you have ever met?

Hmm. No one memorable comes to mind… Jason Meraz?

One time I was with my friend Jill with Kfp at the peace headquarters in Washington DC. The kids were passing out kindness matters bracelets and we had paused to chat with someone on staff. A different staff person came up to us and said we needed to go right away to meet some important official.

Without thinking, Jill being Jill said simply that we felt that everyone was important. We finished our conversation and were escorted into the presence of I can’t even remember who.

It’s interesting hierarchy and humans.

Important chores

It was my job to rake leaves into piles and scoop them into these cool paper bags. Even though the tree is still full of leaves, this was the chore that needed to be done. Today it looks like I never filled 5 bags. Leaves have re carpeted the ground. Is this a metaphor for life?

I enjoyed being outside on a crisp sunny day. I might like raking leaves. The yard looked great for the rest of the afternoon. G mowed for the last time this year and drained the oil from the mower (things I never knew that have to be done). The grass looks healthier than it did in the hot summer. I think the leaves look beautiful, especially the bright red and orange ones against the green green grass. I found this activity to be lovely, cue the music, oh wait this isn’t Hollywood…

I kind of like some of these seemingly mundane tasks. So purposeful in their own kind of way. Such a contrast to the creative thinking, creative make it up and do it once, reinvent the wheel every time, world I live in in my head.

I’m intrigued by how important chores are. How do some things get to be important while other things get to be unimportant? How is that all decided?

I believe these moments are teaching me some things. Life can be beautiful in so many different ways truly, but easy from my spectator seat to say. I can’t imagine doing this repeatedly for days and days until ALL the leaves fall down. The tree is big! It looks like thirty of those cool paper bags worth at least. How awesome would I be finding this activity in ten degree weather with the wind blowing and no sun shining ? Will I be as willing to volunteer as the season creeps toward winter?

Perspective. I feel like a beginner here. I used to think I knew things, but I really don’t know much at all (its okay, I’m teachable)) I wonder if it’s its that I didn’t know there were so many variables until now. So many ways to live and experience life. I love that. I love that it’s not really how we spend our time so much as how we feel about how we do.

Doing important chores, dashing to yoga class, shopping for gifts, making art, baking some apple crisp. All of our doings get to be what we want them to be because they are what make up our life. It’s ours so we can also choose where importance falls.

Considering expenses

Investing in me

The answer to this prompt, for me anyway, is not a single purchase.

I think spending money has all kinds of strings attached to it. Good memories, bad memories, pride, regret and everything in between. It reminds me of asking about a favorite diet someone went on in some past year. Success perhaps? How does it matter now? Oh but it does…

Remember that one hand bag? It was never about the hand bag or the set of pots and pans, or the necklace or the concert ticket or whatever one item. Would we buy it again? Do we remember with joy? With good or bad reasons ? With remorse? I hope no remorse.

I think spending money on ourselves can bring up different feelings for different people. Truly, I feel like it’s a good barometer. How ARE we feeling about ourselves in whatever moment? I used to never spend on myself. I got so much joy from buying things for my kids or family and besides, spending used to need so much more justifying in those days. That was a different me.

Now, I do give to myself, I like to, I don’t want to over spend or over burden myself with stuff, but I love what I buy for me. It’s interesting, that when I was almost never buying anything for myself, I don’t remember most of the things I bought for others, but I do remember the things I went to bat for for myself. The armoire I put on lay away. The pictures I had matted and framed. I loved those things and got years of joy from them.

Yesterday G bought me this antique vintage bowl. I would have said no. I don’t need a bowl right now. It’s frivolous and silly. What would his parents think? It’s big and chunky and maybe not universally beautiful, It’s completely impractical and wrong for our life. Yet the moment I spotted it, my heart skipped a beat. It had a Christmas baking energy that made me want to rise cardamom bread in it or stir molasses into ginger cookie dough. Or or or…

Christmas is a little ways off. Planning for it is impossible at this point. With so many variables, and so little control, who can say if there will be any baking for me this year. Likely not and definitely not in my beautiful new bowl. No festive Christmas salad either (I promise, it would be Pinterest worthy with toasted pecans and pomegranate seeds complimenting its aged green color) Salad isn’t anyone’s thing here, I get it, but oh my oh my

My bowl!

The feeling of receiving this bowl at that moment was priceless. Unexpected, utter happiness. Can a bowl bring joy? Can any purchase? Uh YES! Absolutely. Can you fix things with a purchase? I can’t answer that, but I will say joy CAN come from a thing. So never feel guilty for shelling out some cash for something you know will bring you joy and happiness. It might be fleeting, but it might just be completely worth it!

I am feeling joy thinking about my green bowl right now!

G also bought me three hand made vintage ornaments. I did cry. Yesterday was Christmas and my birthday and one long Hallmark movie/ Gilmore Girls special rolled into one. We hunted for aged wood, we visited our new favorite bakery, we raked leaves and walked by the water at sunset. We cooked together and watched my favorite Italian cooking show. (the guys plays opera! My favorite operas seem to be his as well) Seriously unexpected utter joy. I adore my new bowl. I hope you all love your expensive purchase memories as much as I will be loving this one!

No surprise

What was your favorite subject in school?

Art

No surprise there.

When I used to teach art to elementary school students I think one of my favorite parts was when kids would sit down and sigh contentedly. I could see them visually relax. Even the kids who struggled or the ones who got into trouble (not with me), would tell me how much they loved art class. It was hard to get them to leave!

Growing up, I had to wait until fourth grade to get art with a real art teacher. That was a huge thing for me. When it finally happened, I loved it, just as I knew I would. Then sadly we moved away that same year and I had to wait until seventh grade for a real art teacher again. When I was teaching, I could tell the kids appreciated doing real art.

As a teacher, I enjoyed art discussions with a whole class. The kids would get so animated and have so much to add. We’d be talking about dada abstract or Whistlers Mother, or Van Gogh and someone would forget to wait to be called on and I would forgot the protocol myself because the insights were so good and the conversation was so interesting, then the teacher would correct us and we would all remember that we were at school in a class with rules…

Kids love learning about artists and art movements. Art can be a history lesson, it can teach compassion and empathy. Art can give practice to motor skills and attention to detail, Following directions, making decisions, I saw so many reasons for why schools should have art.

Art exercises the whole brain. I had a couple of lessons where the right, non verbal side of the brain was in charge. You could hear the switch as one by one each class member fell silent and all but their drawing hand became still. Home room teachers loved these lessons. I was fascinated with the phenomenon. I wrote all the curriculum as I went along so every week was an experiment. I didn’t know that kids could get to kindergarten having never used scissors. I didn’t know that younger children understand abstract better than older ones, actually better than most adults. If you want to know what emotions a painting is portraying ask an elementary aged kid. Did you know coloring is a skill that can be taught?

Oh I did enjoy art class!

Are we talking about my life saver?

How do you manage screen time for yourself?

For now, my screen time is saving my life again and again and again! How do I manage it? Well I would say with gratitude, love, and persistence.

I google everything. I have so many questions. I read, I write, I listen to podcasts and music, I text, I FaceTime, I Zoom, I even use my phone to call people!

I get through everything with a little help from this hand held little friend, and it’s large desktop counter part. Screen time? Oh we manage…