What was the question again?

Yesterday I was leaving my kid’s kid’s school and was driving past my sons house. He was in front about to get out of his truck. I stopped beside him to say hi.

After a handful of cars passed awkwardly, I pullled over so we could continue talking. A minute later G stopped across from us going the other way, driving a brand new Bronco. All three of us burst out laughing.

You probably had to be there.

None of us were where we planned to be at that moment. It was the middle of a workday. How and why the Bronco? I should have been on the freeway heading to the gallery, but got finished with my in class kid collaboration early. The other two had their explanations. Something was hilarious about not knowing any of it and randomly ending up in the middle of the same road at the same perfectly random time.

I guess you had to be there

I wanted to be a cowboy or a horse, mostly a horse

A blue bird showed up. I thought it was a dove. ..

Again with my painting (the one that’s not working), I’m not surprised. It’s still not coming together, but that did.

Blue birds everywhere lately.

We have two couples of actual live blue birds nesting somewhere nearby. They are right outside our window. How often do I ever see blue birds in real life? I haven’t seen one in years, lately it’s daily.

Maybe this painting will make a perfect back drop for one of my kids calibration project.

Or maybe not.

I wonder how this will work itself out. I wonder how a lot of things will work out. (In the best way)

Interesting times. Definitely interesting…

Here’s a painting that has been stumping me. Sometimes when I’m this stumped, I abandon the project and start another one.

Success is flanked by fails in anything. I paint nearly every day so I start and finish paintings constantly. I abandon or take breaks all the time. Some paintings turn out better than I expect. Sometimes, I love a painting so much I don’t care at all if anyone else likes it. I can be a snobby art critic so this happens rarely. I am truly my hardest on me. I know when something works, usually, and I know when it doesn’t.

It’s a complicated balance/color/ depth/composition puzzle, which keeps me coming back, but always knowing the failure rate. It’s okay. I’m used to it.

Usually when I feel like something isn’t working, I do this hard to describe but simple thing.

I ask the painting.

Or, just listen without my ears because believe it or not they know better than I do what they are about.

Welcome to abstract expressionism. I personally love this part, but I know

Weird

I suddenly realized this morning that I was getting too caught up in color and composition details and had forgotten about wondering what it was all about. (Sounds like a metaphor for my life)

So today, I got the feeling that this painting is not as superficial as I’d thought, that there is a clear message for me, which I have been, I guess, ignoring.

Oh

Here’s another thing that I can’t say I’m thrilled with.

It’s about a subject I don’t like to talk about. Money.

Never have I painted any painting about money. I AVOID the subject as much as possible!

Like a mother protecting its young, I try to protect my art from commerce. I have a big metaphorical safety fence to keep the two separate.

As if money is a scary wolf and art is a weak helpless bunny.

Well, that’s a realization.

My art is not helpless And neither is money a big bad wolf

So ok

I’m paying attention.

What is something most people don’t understand?

I’ll take a jab at this, why not? I’m only just starting to comprehend a very tiny part.

Energy

Scientists have studyed it long before Einstein came along . This unseen, silent, tasteless, scentless, substance-less force that is everywhere.

We now know there is more energy space inside and around our cells than cell parts. They know this energy influences the cell to become whatever it becomes.

We now know it can be measured with scientific devices. We have formulas and laws to define it. It can’t be created or destroyed, once in motion it stays in motion… They learned to harness it. We have light. We have power. Our brains are made up of electricital reactions.

With my extremely limited experience, I know it can be influenced. I know it can be felt. I’ve walked into a room after an argument, I’ve seen and felt tears of joy, tears of grief. I’ve seen strong energy take over.

I’ve plugged in lamps and hair dryers and watched TV. I don’t know how it works but I know it’s does.

What I’m learning now is that I can harness and influence my personal energy and somehow by doing so I influence other energies around me on purpose!

I’m aware that I have this affect, that everyone does. We all affect the energy in the room just by being in it. Why or how this is, I can’t say, but I’ve witnessed it. I’ve noticed how a bad morning can get worse or change on a dime.

What I’m just starting to experiment with is intentionally using my own energy.

If we can power major cities with power from water or from splitting atoms, surely we can harness and affect our one person. How many people know about or understand all the energy we have at our fingertips. I know I don’t. (sometimes I wonder if media does)

There are many things that have changed art over the years. Technology is a big one for sure.

I used to have to hire a photographer friend to take pictures of my art for ads and flyers and my portfolio, I think my IPhone has a better camera then what some of my friends had in the beginning of digital. Granted my friends had a lot of talent and experience so the pics are still great.

I can do so much that I couldn’t do before, all by myself now.

Just between my two books what has happened in formatting is huge. My first crack at formatting could not be recognized from computer to computer. Dots per inch was a term I’ll never forget learning. DPI caused enough issues that I had to get my illustrations rephotograghed and start completely over. In the short time between, my publisher turned into a fully self publishing company.

Now there’s Amazon KDP and Canva. Websites? That was a thing only someone computer skilled could do. I’m practically my own graphic artist now.

It’s nice because I can get closer to what I like. I’m still limited by my own skill set, but gone are the days when I sit helplessly beside a computer design person trying to articulate what I want, when nothing on the computer screen looks right, and instead I’m told what I like isn’t possible. This was always expensive and disappointing. Setting up my art school business with online scheduling was a costly waste of time that never worked right. Now glitches have been worked out and anyone can set one up.

I’m glad for technology. It’s broadened my abilities and my horizons.

Like closing my heart

As in: no, I refuse to let this interfere with my life.

That’s the main goal really, being authentically, unapologetically, calmly, confidently aligned with a better me.

No I will not let the energy of discontent rule my day or ruin it.

Inwardly, I am saying no very often because by saying no to closing my heart, I am saying yes to openness, compassion and love. Enthusiasm. Fun. Ideas. I’m saying yes to how I want to feel, how I’ve chosen that I want feel. I choose every morning that I want to feel open, and stay open even if something or someone pushes my buttons. Especially when.

Sure things come up. Complications arise. Problems need to be solved. I guess I decided that I want to move through life’s glitches with love. Fear has not been completely helpful, anger isn’t always a good option. so I decided on this new approach.

Yesterday I got a text that I was scheduled to go into a third grade classroom to begin a collaborated art project. I’d had a couple of meetings, but they were general, I was still trying to comprehend what my client was hoping for. The project is intended to be auctioned at a fundraising event. It’s high end, there are many variables, many unknowns, I still have several questions. As unprepared as I was, I was going in…

I got the text Monday night that Tuesday at 10:20 was best time for the teacher. It was late.

This is reminiscent of my son waking me up one morning needing a costume right now. For history day. For school. Oh and can I bring snacks and attend a performance at ten o’clock. Today. Costume before 7:45, snacks made and me dressed to meet up with teachers and other parents by 10. Three other kids to get to two other schools. Yes that did happen, (I’m sure I’m not the only one)

So Monday night, I set the phone down and came up with a project.

Tuesday morning at 4am I was figuring out how best to involve twenty-three nine year olds. At 5:30 over coffee, I was mixing paint…

By 8:15 I had already met up with my kids whose kids attend the school, walked with them to drop off where I connected with the school liaison and was assured there were paint brushes.

By 8:45 I was on my way home from Home Depot with supplies., (no time to wait for Michael’s to open).

By 10:05 I was at the school, signed in with my volunteer badge searching for the paint brushes.

Two hours passed in a messy blur. Afterwards, I wiped down the tables and cleaned the brushes. I still had a whole day’s work to navigate. I wasn’t sure if the wet paintings were going to work themselves into something that my client would approve of. I was covered in paint and sort of exhausted.

Today, after washing my hands about a million times and showering, paint is still stuck to my fingernails. I am scheduled to help with another project at another school.

I have at least eight other pressing things to take care of today, but wow, did I just navigate the impossible yesterday!?

Can I tell you?

It fell together perfectly, seamlessly, and turned out to be pretty fun. (I was about to feel the tiniest bit guilty about how fun this crazy art life that Im living is, but stopped and relaxed my shoulders, took some long deep breaths, and let the utter gratitude for all of it wash over me

All because I’m saying no.

And yes

Do I have any?

Am I hiding some secret skills, you might be interested in?

I love this prompt question.

Because

Oh, I DO.

I am learning to conjure them when I want because like most super powers, they are all over the place, showing up, not showing up, causing concern, little measures of embarrassment, you know how it goes.

First I had to be surprised, then accepting, and now I’m dedicated to practice.

As I practice, I learn. And wonder, how will I use my power for good? You know, for all the world? Humanity, peace, love. What about saving lives?

For now I can barely use it for my own good, but I’m getting better. Stay tuned because I’m pretty sure I’m figuring it out.

Future blog post about secret abilities coming soon…

I went to Kenya on a whim. An opportunity presented itself, and I uncharacteristically said yes, when my new friend Jen asked, my answer was yes, I would like to go to Africa and paint a mural.

I surprised myself, and everyone close to me. Vaccinations, malaria pills, visas and plane tickets, I navigated all of it by myself on the East coast, without a car, while my fellow travelers got ready in CA. I rejoined the group eventually, and we all flew out of LA

Some choices change you. I didn’t go with that in mind. I went for reasons I am still not clear about. I went with an organization called Kids for Peace to help finish a school they had helped school children raise money for and then had built in a tiny remote town in Kenya.

I designed and painted a giant mural in five days for the multipurpose room. The entire village hung out in the one room while we worked. There was so much love, so much awe, so much going on, I still don’t have words to express the beauty of the experience. We then were taken to a locally run massi safari camp. From there I caught a small plane on a tiny airstrip in the middle of wilderbeast migration back to Nairobi. Stayed in a luxury hotel, kissed a giraffe, and flew back to Boston.

This was the beginning of my association with Jill and her non-profit, Kids for Peace. I delivered on deadline. I had a band of Kenyan kids helping me, hanging out for hours. I was a teacher back in CA, so art and kids were something I was comfortable with. Everything else was a crazy out of my comfort zone experience. I have stories!

All of these years later I still can’t believe I did that. G who at the time was furious with me, loves that I went, and then went a second time.

Jill is a maverick. She makes big things happen in the world. Being a part of anything Jill is doing is the biggest and best adventure anyone could ask for.

That’s how it started. Jill and I have since shared many fun experiences, who knew art would make me so adventurous!