Twists and turns

We’ve had a few rough days down here in the trenches. It’s New England cold and especially so in the wind by the water.

The stress of things has everyone feeling under the weather. Yet we are on the road to the far away hospital. It all feels very heavy and very serious. The far away hospital, where the surgery was performed has called us all in to make some hard decisions. It sounds like our patient has taken a turn for the worse. Oh the sadness of Gs mom. It’s an enviable situation but with good news here and there, we started thinking he might be home for Christmas.

No one knows with these things. That still may happen. Today, however, we are squaring our shoulders and going in to face another big unknown.

Apparently he was unresponsive in the morning. Though he rallied, he still wasn’t doing great. After five grueling hours, straight talk from the doctor, and a Bipap machine, we left him resting comfortably. It was dark and cold and the parking garage at Yale is quite the maze. Finally we got on the highway and were maneuvering through thick traffic back to our tiny town. New Haven is a big city without much charm. Did you know that the actual prestigious Yale college is right in the center of this city. In fact the hospital is part of the university. It’s why this hospital is so much better than the local one.

Still, it’s been a day. The hospital won’thave a cure. He did come through the surgery surprisingly well, but it’s down to taking each day one at a time. Tomorrow will be more of the same as far as they can tell us. Every time we start relaxing into a seeming recovery (which appears to be going well) something else, mostly unrelated comes up. Its a sad unpredictable rollercoaster.

What I realized, inside everything thats happening, the jeep in the shop, coming down with whatever bug I seem to be coming down with, is an odd gift. I feel so under the weather that I can not wait for supper and I definitely can not sit through a whole hockey game. Blessed bed for me! No need to excuse myself. Just some painkiller and my pajamas. I left G with some one-on-one time with his mom.

It’s been a long strange day…Tomorrow is yet to be. A goodnight’s sleep iwill be a wonderful gift

Kind action

What is something others do that sparks your admiration?

Something that sparks admiration.

I admire others when they are kind. When they go out of their way or just step up and respond kindly.

I’ve seen this often and it always warms my heart and makes me love my fellow humans all the more.

We never know what others are going through. Sometimes a smile and one kind word can turn my day around. I’ve experienced huge acts of genuine kindness in my life. I’m ever grateful for the kindness of a friend, family member or stranger’. Life can get pretty hard at times. I always admire and feel grateful for human to human loving kindness. I’m grateful for every moment that I have the privilege of witnessing a kind exchange.

Strength

Today’s yoga was themed around a story about dharma. Its an interesting topic for me especially lately.

I know when I first learned the term dharma, I was charmed by the concept, but a little stressed about how I would figure out mine. It seemed like a quest. A mystery that some people had already figured out and were easily living. I desperately wanted to live mine.

Dharma means living a life that makes the most sense for each individual. It’s about adhering to rules and practices that are in complete accordance with who you are. Deepak has a whole chapter in the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success about it. I understood it to mean living a purposeful life doing work that uses your unique talents. Like a doctor or a nurse is a good example if you love and resonate with your work, you are probably living your dharma.

The yoga story was about being strong, our instructor told us that living in dharma gives us strength. We went on to do many warrior and bow inspired strengthening poses.

I never thought about it like this. When I live as I am comfortable living, I do have a certain strength. Its a strength in my own certainty, a strength of conviction, which translates into calm confidence. It is regulation. For this reason alone I think it would be good to have learned about this when I was young. Again it comes down to the simple advice to just be yourself

Be your best self. Be myself? Im definitely trying…

Trying to defend or explain

What could you do less of?

Last night I somehow got myself involved in a conversation about intuition with a handful of intuitive people. One woman was a Native American Shaman. At one point she turned to me and said that I didn’t have to explain myself out of fear that I might not be accepted. She said no one was going to understand anyway. It was information worth pondering. How often do I think someone needs a back story to get me or understand my motivation.

It’s true. I can’t really explain very well anyway, nice to be told not to bother. It’s funny how I’m still on the vein of caring what others think. Another good reminder to live and let live. It’s just that I hate to exasperate anyone, and I do get comments!

This is what I am going to commit to do less of. Giving any commentary on my choices and decisions, my progress, my books, my art. All the pactical minded family members left wondering and worrying, who I’m not really helping with my defenses anyway, are just going to have to talk among themselves.

I will hopefully find this liberating eventually, even if I can’t at the moment figure out how I will deflect, but just imagine, me going forward, as if I had a decent salaried job doing something anyone can understand.

I love this challenge. When I go off to work, yes it’s work even if it’s fulfilling and enjoyable, I will be as justified and legitimate as my son the coding engineer, who also enjoys his job too much and finds it quite fulfilling. Some creative pursuits take years to become lucrative. it’s part of the territory. I often wish I had completely different abilities, but I don’t. This is what I’m doing. Speculation is welcome but will be addressed much less!

Reflecting positively

What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?

I appreciate this prompt question. This is a good time to look back over the year and pick out the good things.

Early in January I attended an event that was very fun and very positive. It had a running theme of : do not let what you are afraid others are thinking of you, have any influence in your life. In other words don’t give the opinions of others any attention.

It’s hard to believe that 2023 will melt into 2024 soon. I had some strong intentions for what I wanted to accomplish this year.

This sounds easy enough. It might be for some of us, but for me this year has been a running challenge on many things, this one definitely stood out.

I had set the goal early in the year, of finishing my book and luckily the intent of doing so, pulled me through everything else. Tonya Leigh suggested setting a goal so big that you had to evolve as a person to achieve it. I liked the concept of that, future Andie would approve. It was brilliant and I think maybe it worked.

I learned about regulation, at least the term, and I feel like that, in and of itself, was is a game changer for me.

Most of the positive events of this year have been small wonderful moments, often, one on one with my favorite people. Walks on the beach with great friends, being made over by my grand daughter, tea and toast with another grand daughter, playing at being basketball-fouled with the grands. Football with a bean bag, I think it was Oprah who coined the phrase ‘Cheerio moments’ from a show she did.

I watched while she interviewed a family in which the mother was taking her terminal diagnosis and doing many creative things to help her children through it. It was a tearful show, but powerful. The family traveled to several theme parks, and really made the most of their time together. At one point Oprah turned to the young daughter and asked what her favorite thing was. She told Oprah her favorite times from that year with her mom were in the middle of the night when her mom couldn’t sleep and they went down to the kitchen and ate bowls of Cheerios together.

It hit me, and a lot of people hard, that for all the travel and money spent, and amazing things they did together, the cheerios in the middle of the night meant the most to her daughter.

All the precious conversations I’ve had the privilege to be part of, are pure gold. I’m truly the most grateful for interactions with the people I love.

Those are my most positive events of this 2023 year. Hands down

They’re out there

Do you ever see wild animals?

I love that I see wildlife most everyday. Usually birds, but coyotes, squirrels, deer and rabbits are common. We saw a cougar one night. I’ve also seen possums, skunks, raccoons, even a occasional swan or snake.

I don’t live in a nature area or anything, in CA we are close to the ocean and lagoons and here we are on an ocean, maybe that’s why there is so many animals

What are you good at?

Share five things you’re good at.

Five things. Five Hmmm let’s see

I’m good at being flexible.

I’m good at painting

I’m good at thinking outside the box and coming up with creative solutions or ideas

I’m good at reading

I’m good at showing up and being on time

This is a good exercise, even a little challenging, but a great thing to do now and then. Give yourself some kudos, acknowledge your strengths, thanks, I’m glad I answered this prompt .

One thing?!

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

Oh hmmm, I can’t choose. I’m maybe like one of those houses that just needs to be torn down and rebuilt from the ground up. One thing? It won’t make much of a difference, so I’m going to stick with accepting myself as is, not being a house and all.

This is me. I’ll be polite and considerate for those who I’m too much for, but I’m just going to stand solidly as me being the best me I can. I am changing, but not like I think you mean.

maybe I’ll cut my hair…