Focus, Yep. I gotta have it. This is something I sort of figured out a little at a time over the years. If I don’t have a project or something goal-like in my life, my brain gets aimless and opens up to anyone’s suggestions. Focus is my friend.
That is a little funny coming from ADD me. I may or may not have ADD. I was diagnosed when I was under an extreme amount of stress as a young mom with sick husband and a baby in icu. I decided to exercise instead of taking medication (after reading up on it). Now I know a strong goal, ( I trained for my first marathon), some yoga, a little meditation and breath work, will keep me focused. Focus pulls me through anything.
The opposite just opens me up to other people. Other people don’t always get me. (except I think my good friends). Honestly, I don’t even get me all the time. I always feel the judgement of others, (too sensitive) which is uncomfortable. I try to remember that I’m in the arena and commentary is part of life, but if I’m in the arena with nothing to focus on, I become subject to opinion.
I try to not care, but it’s hard. With focus it becomes easier and sometimes I forget to care or even notice. Or, I m so on board with my focus, I love my idea so much, that I really truly don’t have room to notice, if I do I really don’t care!
Focusing on something like training or an art show or finishing this book, is just what my brain always needs.
I found yoga late. Or maybe it found me. Before I tried yoga I ran marathons. I did Pilates and kick boxing. I went to a gym.
I thought yoga was silly and would be a waste of my workout time. Plus I thought it was weird and controversial, which were two things I didn’t need more of. My art style had the corner on those things already. Changing my art didn’t feel like an option, yoga wasn’t on my radar.
One day I hurt my knee and my PT friend suggested a few things. One was that we go to a yoga class at our gym. Pain made me agree.
A woman I had never seen before was our instructor. She showed up in red stilettos and a leather jacket. Probably the coolest person I’d ever seen in real life, she was beautiful and muscular and Jada Pinka Smith confident. Yoga was like complicated Twister. Right hand here, left hand there. My knee felt about the same, but I went back. We would see our instructor drive up on a red Vespa in her signature heels. We were both temporarily hooked. Stretching and facia rolling might have healed my knee, but when the cool yoga girl disappeared, we lost interest.
Years later, a juice bar opened near our house. Green juice was my husband’s health thing at the time.The juice bar was attached to a yoga studio. They had an introductory offer of thirty days of unlimited yoga for thirty dollars. If you showed up and did thirty days of yoga classes you earned a t shirt and a deal on membership.
Thirty days later, I signed up and quit my gym. Obsessed. I loved the way my brain felt. I was physically stronger. I hadn’t heard much about breathing or mind quieting before, I learned that I really knew nothing about yoga. I had preconceived ideas about it. I thought it might be religious, I thought it was all stretching. I thought it was for limber 20 year olds. I thought it was for a very specific kind of person. What I found was that yoga is very diverse. I tried many forms. I never found it religious. I did hot, Yin, yoga with weights, yoga in the dark, at night in the morning, to AC/DC, to rain water, etc
Every instructor has a different style. I enjoyed most all of it. I did trainings to learn more about why my brain felt so good. Breath to movement was for me, magic!
It still is, eight years later, I’m still hooked. People say :”I should do yoga” I try to explain that there is no should about it. Yoga is its own reward. It’s like saying “ I should have a good cup of coffee” or “ I should eat a nice meal” yoga is not like going to do a workout. You feel good the minute you sit down on your mat and start breathing. As the instructor runs you through the postures you can only concentrate on your body and your breath. Somehow your mind relaxes. Somehow you walk out feeling amazing. Calm, cool headed, confident.
No stilettos for me, but I definitely feel like getting down to work on my big projects after a good mind calming yoga class.
Yoga during lock down. My instructor thankfully went online
My brother wonders if that’s why our parents never wanted to go anywhere. We watched tv every night. Name a show! I bet we watched it! We weren’t the family from Matilda, but we sure did watch tv as a family, a lot. Every night…
Remember Mutual of Omahas Wild kingdom? That was my favorite as a really young child, that and The Wonderful World of Disney.
Weirdly, I liked reading just as much if not more than watching tv. I think I just always liked a really good story and good characters. I learned a thing or two from some of my favorites. Mrs Brady didn’t do it all alone, she had Alice and Mr Brady. The bionic woman was just a regular teacher with secret super powers. Wonder Woman was a power person with only a twirl, some wrist bands and a good power stance.
Six Million Dollar Man, Gillian’s Island, Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Saturday morning cartoons, Bugs Bunny…yep we watched them all. I heard my first opera music watching bugs bunny.
I love getting up and out of the house early. The earlier the better. I’m what people call a morning person. Many of my artist friends are night owls. As artists we need quiet undesignated hours to do art. If I get up and out for a walk or run or a yoga class, when I get back, I’ll be focused and ready to draw or paint. My brain is fresh in the morning.
I love the coolness. I love the sun coming up. I love the empty roads and empty beaches. Birds singing, lighter moods, I love a new day about to unfold.
I have a few actually. My favorites always bring up memories. I love to cook, but, rarely actually follow a recipe, so the ones I follow are important.
Christmas cookies are traditional. I only make them once a year so I need the recipe card. I make the best sugar cookies ever and it wouldn’t be Christmas without Auntie Eva’s thimble cookies. We search every year for the perfect jelly to fill them.
There’s a chocolate bread pudding recipe that I love. It’s all butter and good chocolate and brioche and Baileys. I have a special dish to make it in even.
My sons and I make an amazing carbonara. It’s a team effort and the ultimate comfort food.
The thing about a good recipe, in our family, is that it becomes apart of us. Made enough times, we have a tradition!
I love tradition! I love all the years of memories. Making spaghetti carbonara with my boys at the end of a busy week. Relaxing around the table. Eating something delicious. There’s no better way to remember good times then with a special recipe. Rolling out cookies with little ones, teaching my oldest grand daughter how to arrange the brioche and chocolate, for me, it doesn’t get better than this.
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.
At the moment, I am heading into the unknown. Things have been extremely stressful, so I’ve been doing my best to take care of myself and stay as regulated as possible…
I find that a little distraction can help my mind, so in the middle of all the moving chaos, I decided to start this blog.
My second book is in its final stages of creation. I’ll need to introduce it to the world soon and everything says I need an ‘online presence’ and a new website. Being an artist, my mind adds ‘and a tough skin’ because historically I haven’t been great at getting ‘likes’ or ‘followers’ or whatever the kudos of popularity that proves social success.
Honestly, I moved a lot as a kid, and I never really figured out popularity. Some places I fit and had a lot of friends, some places not so much. Sometimes I’m in a social mood, often I’m in a solo creation time warp. I love people, I don’t always get them. Plus I’m weird, (again with the artist thing).
I have been blogging in secret until just the other day. At least I thought I was. I showed it to my coding engineer son hoping he could teach me how to connect Instagram and a website.
Imagine my surprise when he told me this IS a website! He helped me get a domain name and was actually impressed with my efforts. He showed me that somehow it was out there getting read and being LIKED!
Wait. WHAT?! I’m sooo excited to be officially blogging. Wow!
A little more history. I’m an abstract painter.My paintings are different and my style is not everyone’s thing. I had to make friends with that a long time ago. I have good friends who are supportive and kind. So I’m buffered from harsh opinions for the most part. I once had a studio in a public building with other artists. We were basically on display while we painted and oh my the comments about my artwork! I traded that for collectors and artist friends who understand and supportive kind friends who love me.
So to be liked without first being liked was a fun surprise! I’m excited that I have a website and my toe is in the door! So excited for positive feedback. So excited to be a blogger with a website and a book I think kids will love!
When the going gets tough, the tough get going—-to figure out their options.
Life can include some challenges. Weather, people, situations, not everything can be positive and supportive. I have learned that I have the option to choose a response or not to. I also have response options.
If I get mad, I can choose to stay mad or I can choose to look for ways to feel the way I would rather feel. I used to think that my responses were automatically decided for me and I had to wait for something to change in order for my feelings to change. If the rain would just stop, if that person would just be nicer.
I used to spend a lot of time waiting, blaming and feeling powerless. Often, I was mean to my own self! I was a self blamer and it was rarely helpful.
I like knowing that I can choose to stay mad if I want because it might be appropriate. Feeling sad or mad might feel right. The power is in the choosing.
It’s important to be my own support person first. It’s okay if no one else is mad that it’s raining. It’s okay if no one agrees the meal is disappointing. It’s okay to be feeling sensitive or upset. If they had my perspective, anyone would feel like this. It’s helpful to be on my own side first.
We can always have our own back. I had to learn to this. My old response was often to wonder what’s wrong with me? Why is everyone else doing fine and I’m not? I had to learn that these are not helpful questions. I had to learn some helpful ones to use instead.
When we initially feel hurt or sad, or even angry, we can respond compassionately towards ourself. We can decide to let the circumstances mean what we want them to. We can decide that anyone would feel that way, that of course it’s hard, but we can do hard. We have before. We are strong and capable. Hard things come and go. We are tough enough to handle tough things.
We can ask better, kinder more helpful questions like what do I need right now to feel a little bit better? How would I like to be feeling? We can suggest a walk, a cup of tea, or to call a friend. We can take some slow deep breaths.
The problem doesn’t need to be solved, I learned, in order for me to feel better. This is its own relief, and actually, if I can get myself to feel calm and grounded, I’ll be much better at solving the problem. Problems are part of everyone’s life. Approaching them in a regulated cool headed mindset is so much more optimal. Having tools and knowing I have choices gives me some power in every situation, This makes me tough.
Tom Petty may have been the first to tell me this. He also told me I didn’t have “to live like a refuge” or “back down”.
Back then, I don’t think I thought it was optional. Changing my mind was, for too many reasons, impossible
Okay, I take that back. It could be messy and complicated and made everyone mad. I was a pleaser so it FELT impossible and still does sometimes. For other reasons, when I was in a state of mind, I thought I had to wait for things to change around me. I guess I never felt like I was enough in charge to change my mind.
How is changing my mind on a matter, different from changing my state of mind? They both are about preference and thought. They both invite a settling feeling. They both require a decision. Maybe they aren’t so different at all. When I know its in my power and also my right, I feel safer, stronger and calmer. When I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t, I felt a lot of anxiety and powerlessness.
When I was a young mom, I made up rules. This was a power move. I would look at my kids falling apart, getting upset with each other, or about to get hurt doing something and say ‘it looks like we need to make some rules about this”. Consequently, I would walk in on them whisper arguing, someone saying “Stop! moms going to make a rule about this!”
Knowing I have the power, the ability and the permission to just change my mind, is one of my most liberating life lessons. Young moms today give their little ones lots of choices. Choosing is powerful. I love this. The only way to get good at something is to do it a lot. The more I practice changing my mind and mindset, the better I get at it. The more in charge of my mind that I feel I am, truly the more power I feel in my life.
I look like I was 12, easy to see why I needed power moves back then.
My name is Andrea J’Neene Team. My grandfather called me Andie. He was the only one who got away with it. We moved when I was nine, and Andie got lost in time.
J’Neene was my mother’s middle name, and the one she went by. I liked the weird phonetic spelling and I passed it down to my daughter. For a while I used it as a last name and signed my art Andrea J’Neene.
I recently decided to resurrect Andie for a few reasons. To honor my grandfather, who I adored as a child and lost touch with when we moved. There were visits, but our relationship changed and sadly was never the same. My identity as Andie fell away.
My grandfather was one of the very best parts of my childhood. He embodied summers at the cottage. The carefree days of freedom and fun. He taught me to ride a motorized mini bike at age six by letting me operate it, then jumping off the back. By seven I was whipping through rows of corn on the little Honda 80. He saw me as capable.
He grew a garden. He taught me how to pick everything in it at peak ripeness. The rest of the year we ate canned vegetables, but at the cottage we shelled peas and shucked corn and ate the most delicious toasted tomato sandwiches with one thick slice of a perfect tomato. If a zucchini grew too large, he sliced it thin and fried the big rounds dipped in egg and then flour.
At home our kitchen was small, my mother prepared meals while we weren’t around, she was a solo cook. My grandfather, however, was fine with me shadowing him. I followed him everywhere. I loved going into town with him. I still love hardware stores. Watching him cook, changed how I saw cooking and influenced the rest of my life. I spent years trying to find those tomatoes again and finally grew my own garden. ( I even got a little famous for my version of his toasted tomato sandwiches).
One birthday he gave me a subscription to National Geographic Magazine. It seemed odd to give a little kid a magazine subscription, but I LOVED it. I couldn’t wait for it to arrive, then poured over its thick photographs for days. I fell in love with everything African and much much later travelled there. That trip changed me.
I grew into an awkward teen, then an adult. My grandfather lived 2000 miles away where my cousins stilled resided. They had changed his name from Grandpa to Papa Frank and still had an active relationship with him. For me, the distance combined with the turbulence of my mothers relationship with her family, caused a rift. I sadly became estranged and lost touch.
I think I also lost touch with that capable little motorcycle riding, carefree kid who my grandpa called Andie.
Andie wasn’t fearless, but she was always curious and willing to try. My grandpa was the first person I felt seen and known by. He jumped off the back of the motorcycle when I wasn’t expecting it because he had ridden with me for weeks before and knew I could do it. He sent me to pick corn and beans tomatoes for supper because he trusted me to pick out the ripest and most ready vegetables. Before I knew I could do something, he knew I could.
So it’s Andie for him, because I may not know if I can do things, but I somehow believe he knows I can. My newest book about Beatrix Butterfly is for my grandpa and for my own grandkids, because there is something magical and wonderful about being a grand.
Have you ever lost or gained weight but kept wearing the same old ill-fitting clothes? I’ve done this. Or maybe you bought a dress off the rack and it didn’t quite fit your shoulders or bunched at the waist. Besides being less flattering, clothes that fit wrong can make us feel uncomfortable. Most of us would eventually get around to shopping for new clothes, but if it’s a wedding dress or a new suit, altering is usually part of the sale. They say there is nothing like a well tailored suit. On movie sets clothes are always altered to fit the shape of the actors’ bodies. This makes everyone look better on camera.
I can tell you that walking around in an ill-fitting mindset is a little like walking around in clothes that don’t fit. When my mindset feels off, I feel off. Whether its my outfit or my thoughts that are wrong, I end up feeling less like me.
Getting life to feel right might just be a few small changes. Less of this, more of that. Trim at the waist, add more length. Like any edit, you’ll want start with some observation and some reflection. What doesn’t feel right?Where is the balance interrupted? What needs to be added? What needs to be removed? Which things are working and which things are not?
Basically slow down and notice. Then make some choices. Then form some habits. It’s never too late to tailor your thinking to better fit you. You will be more relaxed in a well tailored mindset. More regulated and calmly confident. Same as in a well fitted outfit. It’s worth it to treat yourself to a good fitting life.
Peace Kit 