What do you remember?

Things, events, moments

Looking back. History. What do I remember? How do I remember?

I had a teacher in first grade who taught us about something she called current events. Every week we had to cut out and bring in a newspaper article. She said we were learning about history because the current events would become that. I don’t remember the events we discussed, I remember thinking it’s was super boring. I could never bring anything interesting from the news paper like the comics, for reasons I couldn’t comprehend, but I do remember the concept. I even remember being interested in the idea that we were living history now. It was perplexing to my little five year old brain.

Now I see where she was going, even though we were all too young to grasp it, or care about news stories, she was right. The point has stayed with me for all these years. We are living history right now. Ours, our community”s, our country’s, the world’s. What or how will we remember it.?

Some parts will be traumatic and our body’s will remember. Some parts will give us joy or bring a tear to our eye when we recall them. Much will be forgotten and much will be remembered differently by our brains, then how it really happened. We will ‘rewrite’ a lot of history as we retell it years from its happening.

What do I remember and why and even how? are great questions to ponder today.

Ive had many moments that I wished could hurry up and be history. Long years of struggle and discomfort. Long years hoping against hope that things would improve.

Which they always did. Then there would be something else. In and around and in between there have always been wonderful moments. I aim to make the most of those sweet times and play down the less favorable. So when I look back, I will have fondness for my life and myself in it

This is way easier said than done and certainly easier to do in some circumstances, but not others.

I send you love for this complicated life you are all living in today. Hoping you will have some nice Wednesday moments as you live history.

What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?

The risk is real. I’m looking over my print estimate and trying to make a decision. It’s both huge and inconsequential. How many copies to order…

I’m here. Miles away from my friends and family. Questioning. Most of the time I know it’s the right thing. Ten percent of the time I’m questioning sanity, everyone’s, our situation, everything…Some factors are tough, yet risk appears to be a given.

The word “haven’t” suggests that it’s still a possibility. The word “like” means it’s attached to a want. For me, in my life right now, it means it’s likely. I see that risk will be taken because why not? I have little left to lose. This is what I’m working towards. This is where I am.

Life has its nudges and it’s pulls. Sometimes there are very apparent pushes. Tomorrow is a day that will determine some things. I’m still researching print options, that risk isn’t dire, but the other, is.

What options will there be for late stage emphysema with newly found complications? What will the oncologist have to present at the appointment? How will denial continue to reign?

I sense the intensity of everything amping up. Tensions have already flared. A level of ‘OCD’ I’ve not seen before has stepped in. I find myself standing back, watching, wondering, trying to understand, being as respectful as I can be. I’ve learned this one thing, being helpful in the situation is less about taking over and doing, and more about letting go and allowing others to do what they need to do..

My actions are around staying busy. Keeping myself regulated. Standing to the side while a family comes to terms with some harsh things. The fallout of past risks taken, is upon all of us now. More so tomorrow, but today has enough to contend with. Even the simplest life is full of complications. We are all doing the best we know to do.

I can only hope our best will meet well with the worst. It’s the most anyone can hope for. Risks or no risks, there will always be some. Why not take the risks we want to take. Life is shorter then it seems.

What are you most proud of in your life?

My kids and their kids. impossible not to be.

What have you been working on?

I have been enjoying all the answers to this prompt. Lots of good work is going on out there. I wish you all the best of luck, keep going, keep expressing and contributing. Let your work evolve you.

Back in January, Tonya Leigh put out an online workshop. It was all about setting an extraordinary goal. One. Your one goal had to be something big, something you didn’t even believe you could accomplish. Something that scared you a little. Something that you would have to become a future evolved version of yourself to work on. She told us it didn’t matter if you met your goal as much as who you would become by working on it.

I chose to finish my book. At the time I had a good start, but sort of gave up and sold some of the illustrations. I didn’t have time or extra finances for a frivolous endeavor. We had come out of the pandemic years much worse for wear. My published book was sitting in boxes in storage, it’s momentum halted. I had lost interest in social media after hearing so many heart breaking stories about young teens getting their self worth trampled on the internet I had had some weird jabs myself.

There was a lot going on that made working on another book seem partly silly and party impossible. I feared that due to the way things went with Peaceful Hearts, that my family would try to dissuade me. I knew I wasn’t going to be supported, I even knew there would be some loud silence and even some discouraging reminders of my ‘failure’.

I was going to have to become someone who didn’t care about all of that. I would have to suspend what my husband would call, reality, as I painted colorful butterfly paintings, one after the other. I was going to have to live partly outside of several very real uncomfortable circumstances.

At first I worked in secret. I hid everything behind the couch. I said nothing to anyone until I needed to drag my computer out of storage and find a place for it. I somehow played it down, but managed to get all the illustrations photographed and uploaded.

Tonya was right. I evolved. I now, truly do not care what anyone thinks about whether I should be writing a children’s picture book or not. I somehow no longer care what opinions people want to have about me and how I live my life. I am unapologetic about being an artist, a writer and a designer. I can’t help that I know exactly how to clear a space and make it look good, anymore than others can’t see what to remove or add. Why be embarrassed by what I happen to be good at or genuinely love doing?

I had someone look at Beatrix and wonder if the words were too hard for kids to understand. This was an older person who had limited interaction with children. Chrysalis is the correct term, Children don’t want to be patronized with easier not accurate language anymore than anyone does. I did not spend one second wondering about this.

I am on the computer for huge amounts of time now. Huge. I’m in another odd situation. Wide open for judgement. Not caring! Really not caring.

I am politely trying to understand crowded surfaces brimming with Knick knacks, jumbled furniture and thread bare towels, while being quite judged for being me. I remind myself that this is just part of the journey. I can turn around and judge back, but why? We all have our reasons. The one thing that Tonya says a lot, is that if you like your reasons, do it! I know they like their reasons and I respect that. All I have to do is like mine. And I do.

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

If only I was more mysterious!

I’m an open book for the most part. Things I love that aren’t typical. Things I have a tough time with that most people don’t notice or care about… again not terribly interesting.

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

I can go either way. I love a busy productive day, but too many in a row and I relish a do nothing stay in bed late sort of day. We are generally up and out the door by 7 or 7:30 so lounging until late, can feel so luxurious. I also love a stay at home slow cooking, puttering with nothing pressing to do day. I get my best thinking or painting or creating done on those days. I haven’t had one in a while so it sounds lovely…

I need a balance. Too much laziness and I get feeling stir crazy and then I might even get a depressed.

What makes a good neighbor?

Kindness

In words, in gestures, in patience, in compassion, with love. One blogger suggested we give our neighbors lots of chances to warm up and feel comfortable enough to wave. We just don’t know what others are going through. Lots of chances sounds generous and loving. I like picturing these chance-giving neighbors.

What could you try for the first time?

I’m going to try for success. Im going to try out all these new things. I’m going to succeed at this new adventure. That.

The blog, the book, the new East coast me.. I’m going to um…yeah… succeed! Give it all a test drive. Why not?