Peace Kit

Probably coffee

I want more of a lot of things.

Comfort

Sunshine

Choices

Fun

Ease

Pastries

Heavy cream

But I think more coffee will do for now.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time researching Canva and KDP (kindle direct publishing) yesterday.

I finally have working knowledge enough to ask better questions. What Ive learned is discouraging. In order to make a cover that will upload I need to upgrade on both sights. Even with the upgrades the landscape format is not standard so it can never be printed in large quantities.

So I’m faced with settling for making a digital copy of my new book about Beatrix Butterfly for now.

I’m telling you all this because no one will understand or really care besides me and as some bloggers have mentioned, blogging gets the thoughts out of your head so you can sort them through. Thanks, y’all, for being my sounding board.

One possibility is to try to make the book fit the standard portrait template, but there’s a thing with not having enough pages to fit a typical spine measurement. That and it will look weird. Or I can find a different publisher like ‘book baby’. Of course there are issues with that idea as well.

What I have here is a puzzle.

It’s not a surprising situation, (I’m reminding myself), I’ve solved a few dilemmas before. I’ll figure it out.

Once when Lily was two she wanted to watch a dvd. I didn’t know how to work the dvd player but was trying. From her spot on the couch she clapped her little hands and said “You can do it, Grandma! I believe in you! Keep trying! I know you can do it!”

I kept trying, of course, and got it to play. I can’t remember what movie, but I will never forget her words and utter confidence that I would get it to work. At two!

I’m sitting here with my coffee, ready to get back to figuring it out. Feel free to borrow Lily’s supportive words next time you need to solve a dilemma.

What is or isn’t helpful?

What could you do more of?

What CAN I do more of ? ? ?

What do I WANT to do more of? What exactly are we wondering here?

Am I making a list of possible options or unlimited opportunities? I hope it’s not a should list because again, I’m not inviting guilt into my life after sweeping it out.

What COULD I do? My best .

The word ‘could ‘makes it sound like I’m not already doing something I should be doing.

I could and can do more of the best I can do in every situation. That’s all any of us CAN do.

Would I find it helpful to list everything I wish I could be doing or things I could do but wouldn’t want to? Like complain or things I kind of want to do like eat a lot more pastries and cookies and pizza. I could do more of so many things. but what do I WANT to do more of?

That’s a better question for me today.

Gratitude

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Gratitude is powerful.

Do you know this quote? Anytime I get lost in struggle and can’t find my way back to regulation I always get nudged back toward the power of thankfulness.

It’s advice I have heard often and it’s one that I return to again and again. Spending a few minutes every morning as I’m waking up and every evening as I’m falling asleep acknowledging the things I’m grateful for, truly elevates my life whereever I find myself.

Guess what?

It seems that I’m a little obsessed with my website. In a good way. Today I’m happy because all the links work! I got to spend time on zoom with my son, and I know what I (we) need to work on next.

The blue filter is gone. The menu bar is still showing and stayed simplified. OMG Wait until I get to change all the fonts!! Are you yawning? It’s okay.

I’m hoping to feel some of this enthusiasm for book formatting as well, (still yawning? I get it). In the meantime can I just say how excited I am that in the near future anyone, and I’m hoping

A N Y O N E

will be able to find my books! Peaceful Hearts taught me a lot. One of the most important things was about ease. Which there was a glaring lack of when it came to finding it. Most people who saw the book got a little excited, but most people never did ever see it.

Every time I click one of the links that takes me to Amazon and specifically digital Peaceful Hearts, I feel a leap in my heart for the possibility of (oh my goodness!) ease!

What’s also cool to me is that its a cute link on my website or a not so cute link I can share here or really anywhere! In theory anyway…

If you want, you can click around and see if you can find it for yourself!

http://butterfly-breathing.com

Enthusiasm

What things give you energy?

Any amount of enthusiasm will get me up and moving.

Wanting, Desire. A need will drive me.

One time I read a book about how to spin wool into yarn. The book had beautiful pictures and well written instruction. The yarn spinning was just one chapter. It also showed weaving and dying and other fiber arts. I checked this same book out from the library over and over. The night I read about how to spin it was late. Everyone was long asleep except the baby. The instructions told me to buy a drop spindle and where I might find one. It said to get some wool and what kind was best for a beginner.

Then it said if you had to try it immediately, to get a pencil, a potato and some cotton from the top of a vitamin bottle.

I may have been exhausted from a full day with little kids and being up with a baby, but I was up and searching in the dark for cotton and a potato.

By morning I had taught myself to spin. Not one bit tired, I NEEDED to find and acquire a drop spindle and some yarn.

I had energy to do the busy life and make yarn.

Oh ok

Hi friends!

On this rainy indoor day I have decided to talk about the art of housekeeping.

I have been romanticizing domestic godliness for as long as I can remember. Mrs.Tiggy-Winkle, the hedgehog laundress was an odd idol, but what can I say?

Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote her famous pink book ‘Simple Abundance’ on and around this topic. She referenced many literary passages that had a big impact on me. Who needed Pinterest? I was inspired to work hard on my efforts to contribute domestically to better my family’s life. Her seasonal, literature-inspired chapters made it all sound super fun.

My mother was easily a domestic goddess. She excelled at ironing, cleaning, organizing and maintaining a household. She was the gold standard in this genre. Until, well, G’s mom could steal her crown, only because she does it all so happily. She truly rivals Snow White in this department.

Did you know wolves can’t be domesticated? You can hand raise them from birth, even motherless they grow into wild creatures who don’t make man their pack leader. Our pet dogs care deeply about pleasing us, wolf pups don’t know how to care about that. They will knock over the fridge and ransack your house because they are born and remain, wild.

The first chapter of ‘Untamed’ by Glennon Doyle describes a zoo cheetah trained to run after a stuffed animal for a crowd . (she paid extra to see this spectacle). The author describes so perfectly how the cheetah returns to its wild self after the show is over. Some readers resonated with this metaphor. For me it explained a lot.

I was trained. I had examples, I cared. I wanted to please and comply, I was motivated. I had every reason and privilege and incentive to learn. How did I not become tamed? How did I grow up so feral? I honestly can’t say.

Don’t ask me if the grass needs mowing. I can’t tell. Keeping things up is not something I have an aptitude for. I load dishwashers wrong, set the table incorrectly, clean floors and do laundry in utter randomness. I never follow recipes. I don’t plan menus unless it’s for a party. I don’t mind these tasks and actually adore utter cleanliness (thanks mom!) I appreciate good gardeners and quality housekeeping services, I even make chore doing fun when its up to me.

I think it might be the routine part that I have trouble with. Just a theory. I love a whim. I love chaos and thrive in it. I love order too! I love the dance between them. I crave differentness. I am equally fascinated and stumped by regularity. It’s taken me years to understand this about myself.

I’ve always been a square peg adrift, in a sea of round pegs in round holes. It took me years to look for square holes. Why did I think I could change who I was?

My new environment has me revisiting my old quest to change, only now I see the humor and folly in the whole concept.

‘Peaceful Hearts’ I originally titled ‘Wild Hearts’. I had yet to read about the cheetah, but I likely always knew (without wanting to know) about my inherent wildness. Today, it’s not about liking or embracing this, it’s about being true to myself. It comes down to inner integrity. This girl has to be herself no matter how the table is supposed to be set.

Knowing and pondering this is regulating.

Untitled

What’s your all-time favorite album?

I can’t answer this because it changes.

Looking back I can see myself at different ages completely in love with so many different albums.

When I love something I really really LOVE it. I can’t help this, I might play the same music over and over and over (I read books and watch movies again and again too). I can look back with such fondness on so many of my old favorites and easily be taken back in time by a song. Its fun to revisit music from a different perspective. Lately I’m on playlists and presently between obsessions.

Music, my life soundtrack. I could make a list, but it would be long

Rain

It’s going to rain all weekend. This is a harrowing thought. Apparently we need to brace for it. So today we are heading to another beach town hoping for waves. I don’t mind rain, but I get it, it doesn’t let up once it starts here so you really are stuck inside).

Last time we did this, nothing went smoothly. Closed for the season is no joke. Finding an open bathroom was the highlight of my day. Whoever heard of food places without bathrooms? I’m not in CA anymore! Anything can happen.

I’m prepared for cold, wind, thirst and hunger. I brought a book and some paper to draw. I feel like the mom of a toddler, but if this day goes awry and I fall out of regulation, I’m ready!

Armed with music, podcasts and hot coffee, my aim is to keep my energy light. I have set my expectations low, turned up my humor, and dressed in layers. I’ll be fine. Besides I could use a computer break. The ocean is always nice.

Lots

Which topics would you like to be more informed about?

At the moment, it’s the computer I wish I knew Indesign and Amazon KDP better. If I could maneuver through these I could make this next leg of my journey so much easier.

As it is, I am spending hours in trial and error, googling, breaking down every step, failing… I just ordered a proof that will most likely be completely wrong for reasons too complicated to explain. One guy said not to trust the preview because it only shows portrait format, and my dimensions are for landscape.

Im telling myself that it will be good to see the quality and size of the book printed out. It’s just part of the process even if it’s all sideways and wrong.

I wish everything I need to know to make this easier could be downloaded into my brain. right now!

Oh, I checked on the digital copy that did publish successfully. It’s small, but correct. I’ll try to order a copy of it and see if I can see it on my phone. Research. It’s all research at this point.

Without music?! I hope you’re kidding (and btw, that’s not funny)

What would your life be like without music?

Life would be sad and way less fun. Joyless. Lonely. A emotional flat line.

No one knows me like my music.

I think it would be the loss of an important connection for me. I can’t explain it. I lLOVE the ease of music on my phone any time day or night. EarPods, headphones, these regulating devices save me SAVE me. A good car stereo? Oh my! I love love love loud music in my car. That’s a favorite. Or blasting throughout my house filling up every space. Music. Its art, it’s life, for me, it’s too important to live without.

This question prompt has overwhelmed me with gratitude for all the music I’ve enjoyed over the years and all of what I get to enjoy now. I freaking love my music!