What would you do if you lost all your possessions?
I haven’t lost everything, but I have drastically pared down a number of times. Here is what I’ve leaned. some things you miss and remember fondly. Most things can be replaced, and many things don’t need to be. Life moves on. You change, your life changes, styles change.
I once had the perfect pair of clogs. I wore them out. The soul of one broke, and couldn’t be repaired. If I could buy those same shoes today I would. But clogs have not been part of my life for years. I only started missing them lately because I would like a new pair. If I still had them, they would be shabby and I wouldn’t feel good wearing them. Possessions are a little like this. With the exception of heirlooms.
Some things can’t be replaced. Photographs, your grandmother’s teapot, a piece of furniture built by an ancestor. Vintage Christmas ornaments, a dress you bought on vacation in France… Possessions with memories are the hardest to part with. Lost, they become memories themselves.
But you go on. You buy what you need as you need it. You buy new. You move on. Life doesn’t stop. You actually evolve. There is something liberating about not having to drag so many possessions through my life. Eventually we all die and no one values our stuff like we did. That’s why there are estate sales.
What would I do? I’d start over. I’d be more discerning and use less. I’d decorate differently. I think I’d aim to live differently. More intentionally. more consciously. Simpler.
What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?
I change my mind. I like the freedom of that. I occasionally change it and then change it back.
I used to run marathons and be a vegetarian. I loved running. I used to think yoga was silly and stretching was a waste of my exercise time. I used to think I had to get my heart rate up and keep it up for as long as I could. I used to think calories were all the same. That fat made you fat. I used to think brown rice was good for me. I used think low fat carbs like brown bread and potatoes were a healthy choices for me. I thought a Cliff bar and an apple was a healthy snack. I thought weight lifting would bulk me up. I thought I would never read on a device…
I’m fickle? I’m learning? I was even raw vegan for awhile, but for me, it wasn’t sustainable. All my sugar and simple carb loves caught up with me. I still say do and eat the way you feel is good for you. Enjoy! I have fond memories of Pure in NYC and peanut butter and local honey on brown bread sandwiches. I have cool memories of marathons and training. I adore a real book. Dessert is delicious! Life is short. Change your mind. Embrace something new. Why not? It’s all good.
Now? Now is definitely me out of place, literally. It might be one of the most out of place feelings I’ve ever felt. The reason, as anyone new anywhere or to anything can tell you, is that everyone else is familiar and at home with all that is new for me right now.
I am in a very non-me situation. In every direction.
At first I was feeling lost and even a little demoralized. I couldn’t even get yoga right! Or set the table or make the bed…Slipping into my in laws life has had me baffled. Everything’ is done a certain way and has been for decades, so it’s a little like going back in time. In some ways sweet, in some ways perplexing. Mostly, I’m getting to know everyone and understanding everything so much better than I might have in another circumstance.
Well over a month later, I’m still not getting the bed making correct. G and I do this together, (I sense that he doesn’t trust me to do it alone and so he should not). After much tugging and smoothing and tucking, this morning he looks at me and says: “I don’t get it, our bed always looked great at home” I laughed, which I do every morning as we struggle, because I can’t help finding it funny. My inability to nail this simple task, I personally think its hilarious. G is not amused. His mom has had to fix it, so we pay extra attention. This seam has to line up with this spot… we are getting better, but…
Here’s a thing about being out of place, you get used to it.
I’m not taking anything personally. Being this far into my life, I know my skill set. I’m through trying to be anything I’m not, so even while being corrected, Ive learned to keep it light. I may figure it out, but honestly, I’m just being polite. I don’t know how to care about some things. Some bed making styles are not me. I’ve never cared where the napkin goes in a place setting and if the dishes come out clean how does it matter if you sort the silverware first or last? I think I took Home Ec, which I was recently asked, but it didn’t seem to make any difference long term. For me anyway.
I googled place settings. My mother had it wrong. My mother. The epitome of home making skill.
Outside of the house I was almost involved in a conversation about acorns falling dangerously out of trees in the wind. Only I had nothing to add. My shake shingle education took a little while before I understood, but I get it now and I love knowing that these shingles are chemical free. I won’t soon forget the blanket yoga learning curve, and truthfully I learned a thing or two about spine alignment.
Being out of step was uncomfortable at first. Remember Elle Woods from Legally Blonde? She had some bumpy moments trying to blend into the East coast scene. If I recall, she didn’t ever blend. Which may have been the point of the movie. Just be yourself. People don’t have to see it from your exact point of view to appreciate you. And visa versa. I love Gs family. I love getting to know them. I love the fond memories from my own childhood that I am reminded of. I enjoy the nostalgia of the old ways.
It’s as though I’m revisiting my childhood, only as a grown up, so I can observe myself not caring, fidgeting, trying to pay attention, finding things a little too funny, and realizing how I haven’t changed.
This adventure is showing me who I am and who I was. And showing me that it’s easy to love and accept everyone, including myself. I just needed some time to get used to me and them and the familiar ways that I may never figure out. (Sorry mom)
All of it is perfect.
Your life without a computer: what does it look like?
Becoming informed would take longer. Probably a lot of things would take longer. I’d struggle with directions, need a type writer. I’d likely spend more time at the library. I’d have a lot more unanswered questions and way less pictures.
It all takes longer than I think it’s going to. Isn’t that how it goes? More hours on the computer than I want to admit, but I don’t care, I’m a little closer every day.
It won’t be my vision at this point, but I’m ok with that as well. An easy to download digital copy is good for now. I can keep working to find a way to have an easy access physical book eventually. For now, this is the perfect amount of online tech magic.
I have made some progress in these last five weeks. I think I’ve even enjoyed the time. I have been navigating a lot of different things lately and for whatever reason I seem to be doing okay.
Sure, I’m homesick and I miss my kids and friends terribly, but as far as the day to day, I’m really not sweating the small stuff.
All that rain? Turns out it set records for September, I learned to always take a hooded jacket with me no matter what. Walking in it might look silly, but it beats the gym or sitting at home. Plus we’ve found many cool places on our rainy driving excursions.
I’ve had time to write blogs and research next steps. I’m still quite thoroughly in the thick of it, but as I pause and assess, I would report that the mission is going surprisingly well. There’s a book coming to Amazon cyberspace super soon!
I have been limping along doing the bare minimum. I can’t seem to be home at 1:30 (10:30 California time) consistently to do my west coast yoga on zoom. Maybe that will change. Most yoga here has that rush through poses with weights vibe, or leans to a more heated style flow. Even when I took teacher training and we learned the typical sequence of new teacher trained yoga, I was already moving away from doing it. I prefer the breath to movement core strengthening cues and postures that Trevor’s breathe centric yoga class emphasizes.
My bottom line? I need to keep doing yoga. It’s important. I’ve given up most of my life, but this one thing, I’m keeping.
So until something changes, I’m choosing the little house in Niantic to do in person yoga at. They offer a handful of breath to movement classes, I like the vibe and I have yet to meet the director because she’s been in Bali. There’s potential. It’s one month.
I can decide if I want to keep going at the end of October. My life is so one day at a time lately. I can’t really commit myself to anything. My book and yoga. These are my chosen constants.
I would say that I’m a flexible person. I don’t care about a lot of the things that a lot of people do. I prefer but don’t always insist on what I want or need. I’m working on that, but for now, what I’m sure about is this. I made the decision and it was good.
Yoga does tend to return me to myself. Art does that for me also. I’m enjoying many parts of this East coast adventure. So many impromptu outings and surprising finds. Yesterday we found a family run Oaxacan Mexican restaurant. This after another art fair. Why or how this family came to live in the tiny town of Niantic, I don’t know, but their authentic delicious food made my day!
If I can stay open and regulated, I know I’ll enjoy my life so much more throughly. Practicing yoga has helped me for years, now is not the time to let it go.
Later…
I guess I figured out my answer, I tended to my first priority first, and now I’m ready to get down to work and enjoy the rest of my day.
Here’s how it went: I took some time to get ready, debating while I put on sunscreen and brushed my hair. I arrived early, but not as early as I’d hoped. (maybe I was still debating). The best instructor was subbing for another substitute teacher which was a happy surprise. Emily was as welcoming and lovely as the class she led. Afterward there was an optional breathing meditation class which of course I stayed for. I love when I feel like I made a good choice nearly right away. I walked out into the sunshine like it was a mini movie scene…cue the music.
In what ways does hard work make you feel fulfilled?
I am five pages away from being ready to upload Beatrix to Amazon.
How many hours? A lot. How many times did I almost give up? A lot. How many times did I recommit, pivot, re-evaluate, start over? A lot. A lot A lot.
This has been a journey. From idea to completed book has taken years. Each step has had its own stretch of fun, difficulty, fulfillment, and discipline. The hardest work at times has been to convince myself to keep going. I can’t say enough about all the encouragement I’ve received from my kind friends. Its so lovely to look around and see people cheering you on, especially at some of the hardest points. Encouraging each other is a wonderful thing. I recommend we all do it all the time. (Like here!)
I know it’s not the kind of hard work sanding floors or shingling a house is. It’s not training and running a marathon. It’s a different kind of hard.
How does it make me feel ? How has this all helped me feel fulfilled? Working on a project that feel’s inspired feels like a dialog with the universe and my inner self. It feels nice. Everything I’ve ever liked that I’ve done has felt like a collaborative effort. Any time any thing is created from nothing is a cause for celebration. Birthing an idea is, well, like birth. It’s labor with purpose. Even when I go solo and close out the universe and my higher self, and try to create alone, the effort to make something is something.
Everything I’ve ever done to strengthen my connections to inner, higher, universal forces (God), I stand by as the highest of priorities. Because when it all comes together in the creation process, there is a fulfillment factor that likely can’t be duplicated.
I dedicate this post to everyone who has a creative goal. Keep going. Start if you haven’t. There is deep fulfillment, I promise. I might go as far to say creation will evolve you. It’s so much bigger then a long day sanding. (not to discount the importance of typical hard work) I’m just wanting to also encourage soul work, because I have found it to be worth every hard moment.
I’m using these prompts to really think about my values. I’m also reflecting on knowing myself better. So this is good.
I actually googled ‘traits’. Did you know that scientists and breeders breed for traits. Some traits are genetic. Some come from habits. Some are born of experiences We have so many different traits that make up who we uniquely are. Listing them would be challenging, but picking one to value the most? Hmmm Which one do I value above the others?
I think I’ll pick being sunny. Whatever it is that helps me to be upbeat. That. I tend to wake up happy. It might sounds weird, but I do. I don’t try, I know it drives non morning people a little crazy, but I can’t help it. Sure I can think my way out of a happy state, and unfortunately often do, but if I were to have a default setting, it would happy. Sunny. I have a huge capacity for sunshine. If I go to bed worried or wake up in the night anxious, if I can get to sleep, I’ll wake up early, reset and fine.
I like being sunny. I like the perspective it gives me. I like that its there always, no matter what life sends my way. It’s what makes me feel lucky. It’s how I manage to weather hard times. It’s what I try to foster and grow in myself so I can feel regulated more of the time.
To acknowledge and declare this feels a little embarrassing. I spent many years toning it the heck down. Sorry to everyone who wakes up slowly and grouchily, (my family), but I can’t help being happy for a new day. I love the morning! I love getting up and out. I love bursting into any amount of morning chill. I used to hurry through morning chores as a kid so I could just get out. I loved the freedom of that! I still do.
Often a day will overtake me and I’ll have to claw my way back, or get off to bed early, but I know happy. I am familiar with feeling calm and confident and generally upbeat. I’m thankful for that inter knowledge. Like my personal North Star it never goes away, I might have to look hard, but I know what I’m looking for and I know it’s there.
Thank goodness!
Is this my best trait? Probably not. Do others admire it? Most likely no. Why do I find it valuable? Because it’s a friendly constant. If it disappears, anyone can tell something is off about me. Even without much self awareness, I know. It’s a connection to my soul that if lost, has to be reconnected before anything else.
Lesson today? Embrace my inner sunshine. (If you saw me walking in the rain, Brontë sister like on a cliff over looking the turbulent surf, today, you might find this helpful tip a little funny).
Peace Kit 