Figuring out what I’m going to do about yoga…

That was the first thing I thought of.

I have been limping along doing the bare minimum. I can’t seem to be home at 1:30 (10:30 California time) consistently to do my west coast yoga on zoom. Maybe that will change. Most yoga here has that rush through poses with weights vibe, or leans to a more heated style flow. Even when I took teacher training and we learned the typical sequence of new teacher trained yoga, I was already moving away from doing it. I prefer the breath to movement core strengthening cues and postures that Trevor’s breathe centric yoga class emphasizes.

My bottom line? I need to keep doing yoga. It’s important. I’ve given up most of my life, but this one thing, I’m keeping.

So until something changes, I’m choosing the little house in Niantic to do in person yoga at. They offer a handful of breath to movement classes, I like the vibe and I have yet to meet the director because she’s been in Bali. There’s potential. It’s one month.

I can decide if I want to keep going at the end of October. My life is so one day at a time lately. I can’t really commit myself to anything. My book and yoga. These are my chosen constants.

I would say that I’m a flexible person. I don’t care about a lot of the things that a lot of people do. I prefer but don’t always insist on what I want or need. I’m working on that, but for now, what I’m sure about is this. I made the decision and it was good.

Yoga does tend to return me to myself. Art does that for me also. I’m enjoying many parts of this East coast adventure. So many impromptu outings and surprising finds. Yesterday we found a family run Oaxacan Mexican restaurant. This after another art fair. Why or how this family came to live in the tiny town of Niantic, I don’t know, but their authentic delicious food made my day!

If I can stay open and regulated, I know I’ll enjoy my life so much more throughly. Practicing yoga has helped me for years, now is not the time to let it go.

Later…

I guess I figured out my answer, I tended to my first priority first, and now I’m ready to get down to work and enjoy the rest of my day.

Here’s how it went: I took some time to get ready, debating while I put on sunscreen and brushed my hair. I arrived early, but not as early as I’d hoped. (maybe I was still debating). The best instructor was subbing for another substitute teacher which was a happy surprise. Emily was as welcoming and lovely as the class she led. Afterward there was an optional breathing meditation class which of course I stayed for. I love when I feel like I made a good choice nearly right away. I walked out into the sunshine like it was a mini movie scene…cue the music.

I am five pages away from being ready to upload Beatrix to Amazon.

How many hours? A lot. How many times did I almost give up? A lot. How many times did I recommit, pivot, re-evaluate, start over? A lot. A lot A lot.

This has been a journey. From idea to completed book has taken years. Each step has had its own stretch of fun, difficulty, fulfillment, and discipline. The hardest work at times has been to convince myself to keep going. I can’t say enough about all the encouragement I’ve received from my kind friends. Its so lovely to look around and see people cheering you on, especially at some of the hardest points. Encouraging each other is a wonderful thing. I recommend we all do it all the time. (Like here!)

I know it’s not the kind of hard work sanding floors or shingling a house is. It’s not training and running a marathon. It’s a different kind of hard.

How does it make me feel ? How has this all helped me feel fulfilled? Working on a project that feel’s inspired feels like a dialog with the universe and my inner self. It feels nice. Everything I’ve ever liked that I’ve done has felt like a collaborative effort. Any time any thing is created from nothing is a cause for celebration. Birthing an idea is, well, like birth. It’s labor with purpose. Even when I go solo and close out the universe and my higher self, and try to create alone, the effort to make something is something.

Everything I’ve ever done to strengthen my connections to inner, higher, universal forces (God), I stand by as the highest of priorities. Because when it all comes together in the creation process, there is a fulfillment factor that likely can’t be duplicated.

I dedicate this post to everyone who has a creative goal. Keep going. Start if you haven’t. There is deep fulfillment, I promise. I might go as far to say creation will evolve you. It’s so much bigger then a long day sanding. (not to discount the importance of typical hard work) I’m just wanting to also encourage soul work, because I have found it to be worth every hard moment.

I’m using these prompts to really think about my values. I’m also reflecting on knowing myself better. So this is good.

I actually googled ‘traits’. Did you know that scientists and breeders breed for traits. Some traits are genetic. Some come from habits. Some are born of experiences We have so many different traits that make up who we uniquely are. Listing them would be challenging, but picking one to value the most? Hmmm Which one do I value above the others?

I think I’ll pick being sunny. Whatever it is that helps me to be upbeat. That. I tend to wake up happy. It might sounds weird, but I do. I don’t try, I know it drives non morning people a little crazy, but I can’t help it. Sure I can think my way out of a happy state, and unfortunately often do, but if I were to have a default setting, it would happy. Sunny. I have a huge capacity for sunshine. If I go to bed worried or wake up in the night anxious, if I can get to sleep, I’ll wake up early, reset and fine.

I like being sunny. I like the perspective it gives me. I like that its there always, no matter what life sends my way. It’s what makes me feel lucky. It’s how I manage to weather hard times. It’s what I try to foster and grow in myself so I can feel regulated more of the time.

To acknowledge and declare this feels a little embarrassing. I spent many years toning it the heck down. Sorry to everyone who wakes up slowly and grouchily, (my family), but I can’t help being happy for a new day. I love the morning! I love getting up and out. I love bursting into any amount of morning chill. I used to hurry through morning chores as a kid so I could just get out. I loved the freedom of that! I still do.

Often a day will overtake me and I’ll have to claw my way back, or get off to bed early, but I know happy. I am familiar with feeling calm and confident and generally upbeat. I’m thankful for that inter knowledge. Like my personal North Star it never goes away, I might have to look hard, but I know what I’m looking for and I know it’s there.

Thank goodness!

Is this my best trait? Probably not. Do others admire it? Most likely no. Why do I find it valuable? Because it’s a friendly constant. If it disappears, anyone can tell something is off about me. Even without much self awareness, I know. It’s a connection to my soul that if lost, has to be reconnected before anything else.

Lesson today? Embrace my inner sunshine. (If you saw me walking in the rain, Brontë sister like on a cliff over looking the turbulent surf, today, you might find this helpful tip a little funny).

Not much to add here

Brands, Branding, Association. ummm

I like brands and logos. I’ve designed some. I appreciate clever ones, pretty ones, beautifully designed ones. I like knowing what I can expect. Rachel Zoe is a good example. I know her style, I like it and I know her quality. Free People, I like the name, I know the style and I can expect a standard of quality there as well. I don’t only buy designer brands, but I like that they exist.

I also know that it takes a certain amount of time and staying power and consistency to be a brand that is known and widely recognized.

Creating a brand sort of stresses me out. It seems so permanent. Like a tattoo. My favorite thing about my website at the moment is that I can change it.

If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that my mind changes as my life changes. Trends change, life style, even values change. I used to buy Jif peanut butter. Now that I know about vegetable oils and particularly the hydrogenated ones, I only buy the kind with peanuts and salt. I started buying Adams before there were other choices because it had no sugar or other ingredients. Now I know that my instincts were right and why., I usually buy the best priced version.

Knowing everything is changing makes consistency challenging. It makes branding a bit of a crap shoot. Kudos to brands that have spanned the decades.

Picking out a brand for myself requires me to know myself. So thank you blogging, because I think answering questions like this one, get me thinking. Who am I ? What do I care about? What do I like? What do I want to be associated with?

Before I knew anything about baseball I wore a Yankees ball cap.. I liked the logo design. I had never sat through even one baseball game in my life. When my Red Socks loving husband came along he quickly set me straight. Has anyone seen that movie Fever Pitch? It was like that.

Sometimes we get ourselves associated for a variety of reasons. In a world of quick judgement, it feels worrisome. I can’t change snap judgement or misunderstandings but I can work on self awareness. I can ask better questions and get to know more specifically what I’m about.

For me this blog question has me wanting to change my website again…

We are listening to Paul Chek as we drive to a new coffee place in a town called Old Saybrook. Paul is talking about knowing ourselves. Did you guess that?

He and the guy he’s interviewing (Jerry something) are trading stories about when they stopped living a corporate driven life and started doing their careers from a more soul centered perspective. It seems that between the prompt today and this podcast, I’m getting a little nod to keep going.

Is how I’m interpreting my morning.

More unpredicted rain. I think this is a thing.

I don’t really mind rain if I’m dressed for it. The weather people are sort of funny. They can’t hide their own shock and dismay first thing in the morning. They are as close to saying : “This is terrible! It’s not going to let up! It’s going to pour ALL freaking day!” as any news people I’ve ever heard. Next time this happens I’ll include a direct quote. Really it appears to be most people’s general feeling, which I find interesting since rain and weather are, from what I see, part of living in New England?

Enough about the rain.

I just got up and moved from the comfortable chairs to a quiet work area so I wouldn’t be distracted. Yet, another loud talker has just. joined this previously quiet table. If l wasn’t trying to think, I might be entertained.

Context and ratio are important to me. I’ve said this before, good aesthetics make me happy. The opposite makes me a little anxious. Distracted is a good word.. This other loud talker has switched to an embarrassing topic, her voice has dropped. Oh wait back to things she likes us to know. (I’m guessing based on her decibel). Now something has burned in the kitchen. The smell of burn mixed with cinnamon fills the whole coffee shop.

I am soooo distracted! G is happily tuning out all of it. His super power. I’m usually entertained, but here I was hoping to have some deep thoughts.

I feel like this time away from home (CA), is going to help me know myself better.

I like that I’m less worried about being myself. I still want to be respectful, but I’m not as influenced by the idea that what everyone else’s is doing is correct and what I’m doing is incorrect, or even just inferior by comparison. As a human, my comparison driven mind wants to kick in, but I seem to have turned a corner with those old ‘Im wrong’ beliefs.

I prefer my way. I’m used to it. I love my own ideas. I love my taste. Paul Chek says we are the only ones who we will ever really know… He suggests that we need to let go of the things that we think are our faults, and find a way to love ourself.

I’m all for this, but I didn’t grow up knowing how. Learning to pay attention. Slowing down and spending moments not resisting my own soul is pretty important. Just another way to care about my personal regulated state. I’m all about this. It’s why I’m here.