It’s going to rain all weekend. This is a harrowing thought. Apparently we need to brace for it. So today we are heading to another beach town hoping for waves. I don’t mind rain, but I get it, it doesn’t let up once it starts here so you really are stuck inside).
Last time we did this, nothing went smoothly. Closed for the season is no joke. Finding an open bathroom was the highlight of my day. Whoever heard of food places without bathrooms? I’m not in CA anymore! Anything can happen.
I’m prepared for cold, wind, thirst and hunger. I brought a book and some paper to draw. I feel like the mom of a toddler, but if this day goes awry and I fall out of regulation, I’m ready!
Armed with music, podcasts and hot coffee, my aim is to keep my energy light. I have set my expectations low, turned up my humor, and dressed in layers. I’ll be fine. Besides I could use a computer break. The ocean is always nice.
Which topics would you like to be more informed about?
At the moment, it’s the computer I wish I knew Indesign and Amazon KDP better. If I could maneuver through these I could make this next leg of my journey so much easier.
As it is, I am spending hours in trial and error, googling, breaking down every step, failing… I just ordered a proof that will most likely be completely wrong for reasons too complicated to explain. One guy said not to trust the preview because it only shows portrait format, and my dimensions are for landscape.
Im telling myself that it will be good to see the quality and size of the book printed out. It’s just part of the process even if it’s all sideways and wrong.
I wish everything I need to know to make this easier could be downloaded into my brain. right now!
Oh, I checked on the digital copy that did publish successfully. It’s small, but correct. I’ll try to order a copy of it and see if I can see it on my phone. Research. It’s all research at this point.
Life would be sad and way less fun. Joyless. Lonely. A emotional flat line.
No one knows me like my music.
I think it would be the loss of an important connection for me. I can’t explain it. I lLOVE the ease of music on my phone any time day or night. EarPods, headphones, these regulating devices save me SAVE me. A good car stereo? Oh my! I love love love loud music in my car. That’s a favorite. Or blasting throughout my house filling up every space. Music. Its art, it’s life, for me, it’s too important to live without.
This question prompt has overwhelmed me with gratitude for all the music I’ve enjoyed over the years and all of what I get to enjoy now. I freaking love my music!
I just listened to a podcast about pleasure and pain. I guess I’m a Hedonist. I’ve probably evolved into a more responsible one over the years, but I’m pretty sure I’ve always preferred pleasure.
I used to think that pain equals good and pleasure equals bad, which explains all the marathons and 5am gym attendance. And dieting… I even devised many creative ways to endure hardship and discomfort while making them a little fun.
Turns out, suffering was never supposed to be fun. And guess what else? Suffering is not the way to happy. Being good at suffering is not a real goal.
Pleasure, real pleasure is actually a good thing. I’m not sure when this occurred to me, but I’m glad it did! Even now I’m still letting go of the guilt. I may have spent way too many years feeling guilty for enjoying my life. I’ve always been the irresponsible grasshopper, to everyone else’s worker ant. That parable packed a punch for me. Ive felt properly guilty for having fun, but still I never could change.
It’s not that I haven’t worked hard, it’s just that I like what I’m working at and I work hard at what I love. I also REALLY bask in the good and seek out the beauty and wouldn’t you know it, my life is brimming with wonderful things.
Which I still feel I want to apologize for. Or explain away. Don’t get me wrong, things are not ideal, in fact lately, they are a long way from perfect, but every day I wake up to fresh possibilities. to a new ever evolving moment in life. I still feel lucky. I get to laugh. I get to smile and I get to bask and delight.
When I have a hard day or moment, I have a name for it. Its called dysregulation and I know it’s temporary. I know what kinds of pleasurable things I could opt to do to bump myself back into balance. Small pleasant actions taken on my own behalf move me toward regulation. I think I’ve always known this. Music, flowers, chocolate, a walk, a phone call, pizza…Not as distractions, just sometimes a little nurturing is in order.
Oh to go in the direction that I want to be going and enjoy the process. Oh to love all of the little things like walking on dew soaked grass in the early mornings. Sunsets, sand, beauty, fun…
I want to do some things. I’ve done a lot of things. I’m here on the planet for a limited time, I guess I would like to enjoy it. No more guiltily painting or drawing. I’m calling it ‘work’ and if that makes me one of the grasshoppers, Im good with it.
I’m sweeping guilt out of my life at long last and learning to embrace my love of pleasure. It’s okay to be this way. It’s okay to not be. There is room for all of us here. Going forward I welcome my Hedonistic pleasure loving self. I’m not the only one. Where ARE my grasshopper people?
I have always loved tradition. I love hearing about every cultures celebrations. I love that as humans we have a long history of celebrating. It seems to me that celebration is a kind of thankfulness. We repeat this year after year passing a little of who we are as family down through generations. Does it remind us that we are part of something? I like feeling connected. Connection seems important.
I know when I’ve been away from home or someone else is, I’m miss my family. I miss each individual and I miss our whole. Even while embracing and appreciating other’s family and their unique traditions, I can’t help missing mine.
It might be a little comforting to make a certain food or add a favorite decoration or hunt down hot cross buns or poppers, it’s never the same without my beloved family members around.
Life moves fast. Change is happening continually. I think tradition can be a comforting constant. I think celebrating is fun. Its a sweet way to share our love, and add some beauty, light and magic into our lives.
Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.
I accidentally gave my husband food poisoning.
It’s kind of a long story.
In the 90s, before it was a thing, I found a farm that had free range turkeys for thanksgiving. I was all about eating food that was raised kindly. I wanted a turkey that had a good life. I joined a co-op organic garden that played Mozart over loud speakers to the fields of vegetables around this same time.
No one else in the co-op showed up. It was all pretty experimental back then so we had the whole garden to ourselves. Me, my little family, the farmers and Mozart. It was lovely.
The turkey came from a neighboring farm. I did what I saw my mother do all the thanksgivings of my life. I prepared the stuffing, stuffed the turkey and roasted it for the suggested time. There was left over stuffing I put in a dish and cooked separately.
Did you guess that the stuffing did not heat up enough even though the rest was cooked perfectly? No one but my husband ate the stuffing from inside. He was super sick and blamed me, the happy turkey and my hippie ideas forever after. I’m pretty sure I talked him into being a vegetarian before the following Thanksgiving!
Nothing went smoothly, no one was friendly, I didn’t drink enough water, I didn’t get enough sleep.
Even as the sun shone brightly, the wind kept me from feeling warm. Oh man. I felt every feeling of home sickness. My website is broken, I can’t figure out how to fix it. I’m not in a good mood. No one seems to be.
Oh that it’s not permanent. Thank the heavens for that one tiny thought. A drive to the beach was not the answer. Hmmm. What might help?
Gratitude for a decent open public bathroom. Grateful for a friendly mirror and cleanliness. It’s sometimes the little things.
After a nice meal and a goodnight sleep, I know I’ll be heading toward feeling better. In the meantime I’m breathing deeply…
Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.
There are so many things I’ve learned that would have been helpful earlier in my life. Conscious breathing comes to mind, but the one thing I’ve learned most recently, is about regulation.
I used to think that when a thing was ‘fixed’ it should stay fixed, forever. I’m not sure where this thinking came from. I, who sat at my Grandfathers side while he fixed lawn mower engines and mini bikes, pumps and boat motors, repeatedly. Somehow, I’m not sure why, I thought things should stay fixed.
Did you know that airplanes are off course much of the time? They need to constantly be redirected to stay on course. Some expensive car engines need to be finely tuned often. Musical instruments are constantly needing tuning. Nature is always adjusting.
I spent way too much of my life looking to be fixed, trying this, reading that, looking for a single solution that would make everything fall into place and make sense. And stay that way. Each time I fell back or became dysregulated, I would consider it a fail and start searching once again.
When I finally started to understand that it’s normal to fall in and out of balance. It’s fine to do so quite regularly, everything alive does (and so do things that aren’t). When I took this in, something like a light bulb went on for me. I was able see myself differently. I could see the world differently.
I’m a process person. I am generally involved in some project almost all of the time. There’s a goal of completion, for sure, but most of my time working is spent not in completion, which I love. It’s funny I never looked at it like this. I really believed that being in and out of balance or out of a regulated state was a problem. I had to get it solved and then it was supposed to stay solved.
Yes. It’s perfectly normal to be dysregulated. The goal was never to be regulated one hundred percent of the time. I wish I’d known that when I was younger.
I love knowing that ‘out’ is just as normal, if not more common, than ‘in’ when we’re talking about balance. It’s natural to seek it but it’s all a perfect process of everything going in and out, This is happening ALL of the time. Dysregulation isn’t bad, it’s just what happens. I can always be moving toward what feels better. Me and everything else in nature. If I’d known this when I was younger, I might have been easier on myself.
Today, I have better questions to ask myself when I’m feeling out of balance. I know that a dysregulated moment or day won’t last forever, and I know some things to do to change course so that I’m heading where I’d like to be heading. (Like an airplane). This is comforting information that may have been nice at a young age.
I guess maybe I’m making up for it with books about breathing and regulating. My latest book about Beatrix Butterfly is a metaphor on how every life stage is important. One stage can not be without the others. Not knowing this led me in so many interesting directions. Looking back, I guess not knowing was part of it.
I have a wide pallet. I love many different foods so to name favorites is going to challenge me.
Food is centering. Any event, any tradition, any custom or culture has a strong cuisine at its core. I personally relish this! How we eat, what we eat, how we prepare and serve our daily meals is one way to get to know ourselves and others. I love this question for all those reasons.
My favorite foods revolve around the season. I have always enjoyed food right from the garden. I’m inspired by the beautiful fruits and vegetables at a farmers market. This is how I cook. The other day we walked by a house with a box that said Free on it. A single perfect eggplant sat on the box. Immediately I thought: eggplant Parmesan! I dream of having a garden with so much bounty that I too can set out a box of perfection for free! (the other neighbors had left this one last item). I feel a little leap of happiness when I think of eating my version of this delicious dish. Even preparing it sounds fun to me.
The Autumn equinox is coming soon. With a hint of chill in the air, my mind turns to hearty soups and roasted root veggies. Slow roasting anything sounds wonderful. Apples and figs, squash, potatoes, hearty bolognese sauces, braised meat , carrots, onions, mushrooms, rich curries. Warm spices, hearty pies, ginger cookies. It’s time to celebrate the earth’s bounty and how better to celebrate than by feasting on delicious food!
Also chocolate. I LOVE chocolate. The richer the better. Just thinking about chocolate can change my mood. On this crisp cool day my crusty warm buttery chocolate bread pudding would be perfect. We usually save this dessert for a special occasion because it is special. Only the best brioche, butter and chocolate . Only the freshest eggs and cream will do. It’s simple to prepare. I always take one of the kids to help gather all the ingredients. I feel that you are never too young to debate which chocolate is superior. I wish for an occasion and a handful of people who LOVE chocolate and will throughly appreciate the delectable deliciousness of this warm from the oven, buttery, crunchy, gooey delight. A quality vanilla ice cream pairs nicely.
I guess my favorite foods are the ones that I’m feeling in the moment. On a hot summers day, I will devour a crisp salad, but today a cheesy frittata baked in a cast iron pan sounds heavenly.
There is this one kind of yoga that I got attached to years ago. After every class my brain felt like it had melted into my body. It was as if I’d had a massage or a nap. Everyone would stand around after class and wonder about what exactly we were experiencing. At the time I was enjoying several different styles of yoga and pretty much liked them all, but this brain body phenomenon, this caught my attention.
What I thought I liked was being told when to inhale and when to exhale. It sounds silly, but I found that when I was first learning yoga, I would be concentrating so hard I would forget to breathe. Often I was using muscles I hadn’t used or balancing in ways I’d never balanced. Being told repeatedly to breath in and then to breathe out was brilliant.
What I didn’t realize then and what I understand now, is that the breath cues were specifically placed. On the in breath we would open out stretching our arms wide, on the out breath we would draw in, tucking. When we raised our arms it was on an inhale When we were folding forward, an exhale.
I used this method when describing Butterfly-Breathing in my book. Even doing this for a few moments will affect our nervous systems in a positive way.
Today I attended a breath to movement yoga class for the first time since leaving CA. It was so sweet to walk out with that familiar feeling. I miss being reminded to breathe regularly. I think I need to go back to my online practice. It’s how yoga stayed in my life during Covid. I dearly love in person class, but my brain loves breath to movement yoga, so, yeah, I need to incorporate this back into my schedule.
Peace Kit 