I’m sitting here at my new work station, studio, attic space, creation headquarters.
I already know there will be some frustration, some low moments, some circumstances that will cause me to have to remind myself that I can do hard things. I will learn and learning may well be uncomfortable at times. All of this will be part of the process.
There will also be brilliant moments.
This is where my book about Beatrix the breathing butterfly will be completed.
This is where I will learn to make my website look the way I want it to.
At this little refinished table, sitting on this flea market chair, standing at this dropcoth covered card table, I will continue my own tiny creative quest.
What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?
I have a history of missing red flags.
I’m learning to be more discerning, at least, I hope I am. I definitely don’t like it when others are disrespectful or dishonest or become uncontrollably angry, and do steer around anyone exhibiting these behaviors. I generally don’t write people off forever though. I didn’t know until recently, that this is CPTSD related.
I avoid, I am wary, I distrust. I might warm up slowly, or stay a little detached.
I love the idea of having clear boundaries. I applaud cultivating healthy boundaries always. Its interesting that I have encouraged this for others, yet struggle with my own awareness of what my own boundaries are.
I’m the one looking backwards trying to see how I missed a red flag and what or where that flag may have been.
So what traits cause me to be wary? Here’s a jab at self awareness in real time.
That trait where a person acts one way with one person and another with someone else.
I saw this happen recently and for whatever reason, this one felt hard to explain away. I generally want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t seem to let this go.
It was a simple snubbing, snobby dismissal on the heels of a friendly welcome to another. While I was standing right there. While several people were. Weird.
Are people aware that they do this? Does this treatment of people serve a purpose? I don’t know enough about the service industry, so I won’t try to speculate.
Just ugh.
Clearly a judgement was made and a behavior followed. I think I have a problem with snap judgment. With ANY patronizing judgement. It really bugs me when people judge other people and treat them poorly because of whatever they decided, without knowing any real facts or background information.
I feel this can lead to worse things.
Perspective. Context. Consideration. Compassion.
Aren’t most people doing the best they can with the life they were dealt? What is the point of treating anyone as if they are less? How could that ever improve a moment?
I believe in elevating our interactions along with elevating our thoughts, actions and habits in order to elevate our life.
I have been on the yucky end of a snap judgement enough times to know how it feels. I can tell you that it can really mess up regulation. I’ve seen it mess up other’s regulation too. I can’t see a truly regulated person, in a calm, confident state, treating another human with condescension or disdain.
Dysregulation can cause poor behavior. I’ve seen this. Usually people in a state of disregulation aren’t aware of how their actions are affecting others. I’m not excusing snobby behavior, I’m trying to understand it’s origins.
It is one personality trait that comes across as a clear red flag to me. It’s not so much personal, as it is a warning to all.
When someone thinks they are better, smarter, or somehow more important than another, I feel it’s worthwhile to pause and heed the danger of that mind space.
I’ve been experimenting with the concept of a future self. I know we all have one, but thinking forward and considering who she might be, is a bit new to me. Asking myself, who would I like her to be? Would the choices I’m making today be choices I hope she’s making? What would her ideal week look like? Hmmm
This past week has been nice. Actually any week in California had idealic components. Spending time with my friends and family is a big part of my ideal. Purposeful, creative work is another. Walking, yoga class, delicious meals, painting. Working and making sizable progress on an engaging project. Fun outings that inspire me. Cozy outings that soothe me. Plenty of beauty, fun and movement.
Flow.
Flow is my favorite. When things are moving: new information, new interests, new, mixed in with the already lovely things that I have established.
I love to get into that feeling of flow. When things fall together in perfect harmony.
My ideal week is a week of artistic and situational flow. When I feel my purpose making sense both inwardly and outwardly, when a need is filled and falls easily into my life. When my creative juices are flowing, I love it. For me it would be a week of calmly, confidently and peacefully working on my book and completing it. It includes refreshing breaks and beautiful moments. It’s a brilliant balance of everything I’m already grateful for.
Ideal is where my future me resides. I’m sure of it.
It feels like I need to finally get serious. Vacation time has been lovely. It’s been a lot moving and traveling, and exploring.
I have a studio space to set up. My table is restored and put back together. My computer has WiFi, is up, running and all ready for me to get to work.
My book isn’t going to format or edit itself. I’m a little excited. It’s been hot and humid and very summery lately. We’ve been busy with summer fun, but work is calling to me today.
Rain is a refreshing reprieve and the perfect sort of weather for making a cozy space for myself. (we were caught in it yesterday and not only was the ocean as warm as bath water, the rain part was warm and kind of romantically fun!)
They say Fall is in the air (though I’ve yet to feel it), and Fall happens to be my favorite time of year. I’m a little worried about how my sun-loving-Californian-self will adjust to actual cold, but I’m very excited for the leaves to start changing.
Working in my yet to be set up space sounds a little exciting as well.
Here is a before pic or two, rain should arrive in a few hours…
Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.
Bobby Orr, Charles Barkley, and Thomas Saggese.
I was too young to fully appreciate Bobby Orr’s hockey career, or the contributions he made to the sport, but I knew there was something pretty special about him, even as a very small child, I felt his differentness. Years later I read his auto biography and was impressed by his humility and genuine down to earth way. Here was a very famous history changer, who never let fame go to his head.
Charles Barkley I only really know from his commentary position before and after basketball games. He seems genuinely nice. He’s funny and light and doesn’t appear star struck by his own fame. I feel like these two are at home in there own skin, they come across as regulated and easy going. Both were amazing at their sport, but neither seem big headed about it.
My best friend’s sweet son Thomas was just traded up to triple A. This is a big deal because (as I’m learning) baseball has a several tiered farm system where young hopeful athletes have to prove their skills and be scouted from B to A to double A etc before even being considered to play on a regular team.
Here’s our Thomas being called up twice in two months at the very end of the season and now he’s at the level that he is being looked at and considered for the MLB team. I’ve know him since the day he was born. (I was actually there). Never has he ever been big headed or taken with his talent or success. He is and always has been the nicest kid you’ll ever meet.
Thomas is one of the most regulated people I’ve ever known. He smiles easily, works hard, gives his all, gets discouraged when he’s not doing well, but always rights himself and presses on.
I’m biased for sure, but I really do appreciate when good calm confident regulated people are genuinely good at what they do.
Yoga can be relaxing, but I like to relax in a number of ways. A movie, a funny show, cooking, reading, a beach walk, a nice conversation with an easy to talk to friend or family member, painting, drawing. I love to relax in bed with a good book. I love to relax in a good hotel bed with a good movie. Driving, meditating, knitting….
Relaxing for me can be luxurious or it can be super simple. Lately, I’ve found sitting on the dock with my feet in the water after a day in this humid east coast heat a nice way to unwind.
Some kinds of yoga are meant to relax us.
The yoga studio I found here has something they call ‘blanket yoga’ Maybe you’ve heard of it. I love that yoga can take so many different forms. Just when I thought I’d seen it all, along comes something I’ve never heard of.
After four classes with two different instructors and a little online research, I’m getting that relaxing is an important part of ‘Blanket Yoga’. Blankets are folded into props and used to support the body in various postures. This is so no muscles or joints are involved. The idea is that your spine can realign if there is not even the slightest amount of stress on any joint or muscle.
In other words, relaxing in these postures will help my spine align, (straighten?)
We sat in a seated posture on a pile of blankets and meditated for probably fifteen minutes. I’m usually fidgety. Even when I’m trying to sit still, I want to shift around. In this blanketed supportive seat I felt zero need to move. I don’t think I’ve ever sat this comfortably still for this long, before in my life!
So yeah, Blanket yoga, it’s a thing. A relaxing thing. I’ll let you know if my spine changes.
If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?
I’m going to choose self-esteem. It’s has a hyphen but/so I’m calling it one word.
I spent too much time thinking about, worrying about, being told that I had bad or low self-esteem. I seriously came to despise this concept. Can I suggest that maybe this was the opposite of helpful?
Okay, I accept that my upbringing was less than supportive. I grew up with an inaccurate image of myself. I learned to behave as if I had less value than everyone else. I may have thought that I even believed it, but there was always an internal voice that wasn’t buying it.
At some point I decided to put more emphasis on that voice and less on the others. I had to work at it. I still do. It’s a practice, but a worthwhile one for sure.
Again it’s about the power to choose. I get to decide what image I want to have of myself. I used to think it was about truth, but as I learned to separate facts from opinions. I came to understand that opinions are not factual. Mine are every bit as valid as anyone else’s. I get to choose my own if I like.
It’s not a fact that I have low self esteem. I may have behaved in ways that might have caused others to think that. I have behaved in many different ways and caused plenty of speculation about who I am or what I’m about.
The term ‘self-esteem’ seems out dated. I am going to retire it from my vocabulary. I’ll be replacing it with calm confidence and a regulated state.
I digress. When I learned to affect my own breathing, when I learned to tune in and pay attention to breathing, things started to change for me.
I hadn’t heard of breath work or conscious breathing before I stumbled into yoga eight years ago. Breath to movement? Never heard of it. Then one day, I looked around and realized, I felt better. Not just on my mat or leaving a yoga class, but most of the time.
It took a while and a lot of cueing, but eventually, I learned to take a deep breath into my lungs, into my belly. I learned to feel my breath in my back and in my hips. I learned what a deep full breath felt like.
I mean, I was always breathing, being alive and all, I can’t help but breathe. I just wasn’t aware of it. I wasn’t aware of the power of slowing it down or it’s affect on my brain, body and nervous system.
I’m still amazed at how things have gradually shifted and improved because of this one awareness.
Breathing. Who would have thought?
In the beginning, I wished I had had this breathing magic much earlier in my life. I guess learning happens when it happens.. Better late than never, but what a difference this one tiny thing may have made when I was young.
That is why I wrote books about it, for the kid I used to be. For kids today. For teachers and parents because if we know kids, we easily see how stressful their lives can be.
As a child, I was a worrier. It seems like kids have even more on their plates then I ever did. Is there more to worry about? It seems like it. Between the news, media, pressures to do well in school and competitive sports, allergies, climate change a pandemic, yikes!..Parenting seems pretty intense as well.
Just trying to make friends in my new location is stressful. Life man, Thank goodness I have some simple, easy breathing methods to calm my mind. Of course I want everyone to have them too.
Peace Kit 