How often do you walk or run?

Every day.

Lately, I’ve been walking most mornings on the boardwalk. Often I add a little run as I pass people. It’s a nice quick two and a half miles. It starts and ends in a hilly park with lovely trees. It makes me miss my friend every time I go. She and I used to walk the beach wall in California. Our fast paced four miles would go by quickly. We talked and walked and laughed as we sped along.

The other day I was changing my podcast and someone passed me.

Shirley and I pass people, fellow walkers never pass us. Bikes do, runners do, but I rarely see another fast walker. I sped up. I thought about and missed Shirley. It seemed like everybody else had friends to walk with that day. It’s harder to be motivated without my good friend. The distance feels longer without her.

I also have my on-the- beach-walking friends who I also miss terribly. This little posse’ of friends used our long walks to plan celebrations, solve problems and keep our vibrations high. We figured out digital yoga during the pandemic, kept our community strong and found so much to be thankful for. Whether two or sixth or eight of us were available, every walk included a moment to pause and take in our beautiful surroundings. This is a group that knows how to celebrate and laugh, and really take in and appreciate life. I miss them all so much.

I miss my people.

After dinner I’ve been walking with Gs mom. Sometimes the three of us go. It’s a nice stroll around the block past charming cottages jumbled together without fences. Sometimes we go as far as a pleasure beach. Neighbors are friendly, the sunset skies are beautiful, the evening air is refreshingly cool.

Walking is my favorite exercise. It’s my favorite way to connect with friends and family. It’s a good time to listen to music or a podcast. It’s a good way to explore a new place. I love my different walking times and places. I used to run. Occasionally I still do.

Do you see yourself as a leader?

In a word , no.

I do not see myself as a leader. I’m maybe a middle of the pack personality.

I grew up in a world where leaders were what you were supposed to want to be. Even now Instagram ads are wanting me to sign up to learn to coach. Honestly I have no desire to coach or lead anyone anywhere. I think I was taught that only leaders are successful, so of course I had to be a leader.

Its not my personality.

I watched an animal program recently that explained how there are three types of dogs in a pack. There are front of the pack lead animals, middle of the pack and back of the pack animals It showed how each has an important role to play. I identified with the middle group. They were the less serious, happy to be there, more apt to be playful group. I’d rather be that. In the dog world these are the dogs that get along well with others and aren’t fearful or ready to fight or challenge or be challenged.

My son had a dog like this once. His name was Stone. One time I saw him nose to nose with a skunk. He wagged his tail, he didn’t invade its space, he did not get sprayed. He was a very smart, easy going black lab who loved to play ball. If a smaller dog took his ball, he just let it. He seemed to understand that if he waited, his ball would come back to him and of course it did. Stone embodied calm confidence, but he wasn’t a leader.

I like that we are all different. I like that no one has to try to be someone they aren’t. I like admiring leaders while living out my own role. I like knowing that my contribution is every bit as important as every one else’s. Leaders change things up and get people to go in new directions. Leaders make history and become famous. They shoulder responsibility and stand out in front. I love reading about the lives of historic leaders. I am inspired by so many, but at the same time, I’m glad to be helping out, the best I can, in the neighborhood.

What’s your favorite word?

I’m the kind of person who changes out favorite things often. It’s partly why I don’t have a tattoo. I can never settle on one favorite ‘anything’ for life.

I also have a tendency to become temporarily obsessed with things and they become my favorite ‘everything’ for a period of time. I always move on, and sometimes hardly recognize the person I used to be (who loved unicorns for example). While I’m obsessed, I can’t seem to shut up about it. I read Anna Karenina a few years ago and people who knew me then might roll their eyes a little if the book comes up in conversation. Even now.

My favorite word for the moment is regulation.

I like that it’s one simple word that says it all. Abraham Hicks calls it ‘being in the vortex.‘ some call it being in a ‘flow state’. Being regulated means being in a calm, confident, relaxed, open, receptive easy going mind space. In this state a person is approachable, teachable, and easy to be with. Heart rate and breathing are steady and slowed. There is a peaceful energy in and around people in this state. When I’m in it I learn faster, enjoy more, try harder, feel more optimistic and generally better than when I’m not.

Regulation’s evil twin ‘dysregulation’ is my second favorite word. Basically the complete opposite, it sums up the feeling of terrible.

Armed with these two terms I don’t need evidence or reasons. I feel no need to explain myself. It’s a term with zero judgement. Either I’m enjoying being in a regulated state or I’m not.

If not, I know some things that will re regulate me.

So much simpler then having my little human brain figure out why or how or what…

Even just working on my book slows down my breathing and sets me back toward regulation. I have to read about Beatrix breathing over and over and over to edit it and somehow the message gets across to my brain. This happened with editing ‘Peaceful Hearts’ as well.

This is why conscious breathing is so powerful. It’s the simplest tool I have. I’ve heard people say they need to do more than take a deep breath to calm down, but have they tried several? It might be simple but it’s not always easy to sit quietly and focus on your own breath for a time. Regular practice makes it easier.

Regulation. It’s worth it. It’s worth trying lots of things. Breathing is just one thing that I’ve found works for me.

What are you doing this evening?

Changing it up. Nothing crazy, just trying out some different yoga teachers and classes.

Usually, I’m a morning/ daytime yoga girl. I’ve done evenings before, but for my routine, day works.

I’ve decided to try everything this cute studio has to offer. So more “Blanket Yoga” this morning and some sound bath, vinyasa tonight.

It’ll be a full day of different teachers and different styles, with work and walking in between. My CA yoga is on zoom at 1:30.

I should sleep well tonight!

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

I have a history of missing red flags.

I’m learning to be more discerning, at least, I hope I am. I definitely don’t like it when others are disrespectful or dishonest or become uncontrollably angry, and do steer around anyone exhibiting these behaviors. I generally don’t write people off forever though. I didn’t know until recently, that this is CPTSD related.

I avoid, I am wary, I distrust. I might warm up slowly, or stay a little detached.

I love the idea of having clear boundaries. I applaud cultivating healthy boundaries always. Its interesting that I have encouraged this for others, yet struggle with my own awareness of what my own boundaries are.

I’m the one looking backwards trying to see how I missed a red flag and what or where that flag may have been.

So what traits cause me to be wary? Here’s a jab at self awareness in real time.

That trait where a person acts one way with one person and another with someone else.

I saw this happen recently and for whatever reason, this one felt hard to explain away. I generally want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t seem to let this go.

It was a simple snubbing, snobby dismissal on the heels of a friendly welcome to another. While I was standing right there. While several people were. Weird.

Are people aware that they do this? Does this treatment of people serve a purpose? I don’t know enough about the service industry, so I won’t try to speculate.

Just ugh.

Clearly a judgement was made and a behavior followed. I think I have a problem with snap judgment. With ANY patronizing judgement. It really bugs me when people judge other people and treat them poorly because of whatever they decided, without knowing any real facts or background information.

I feel this can lead to worse things.

Perspective. Context. Consideration. Compassion.

Aren’t most people doing the best they can with the life they were dealt? What is the point of treating anyone as if they are less? How could that ever improve a moment?

I believe in elevating our interactions along with elevating our thoughts, actions and habits in order to elevate our life.

I have been on the yucky end of a snap judgement enough times to know how it feels. I can tell you that it can really mess up regulation. I’ve seen it mess up other’s regulation too. I can’t see a truly regulated person, in a calm, confident state, treating another human with condescension or disdain.

Dysregulation can cause poor behavior. I’ve seen this. Usually people in a state of disregulation aren’t aware of how their actions are affecting others. I’m not excusing snobby behavior, I’m trying to understand it’s origins.

It is one personality trait that comes across as a clear red flag to me. It’s not so much personal, as it is a warning to all.

When someone thinks they are better, smarter, or somehow more important than another, I feel it’s worthwhile to pause and heed the danger of that mind space.

I never know where it could lead, it feels scary.